MSNBC recently had an article on the overuse of ICSI. It even mentioned that, “sperm-injection rates were higher in three states — Illinois, Massachusetts and Rhode Island — that mandate coverage of the technique.” We are, obviously, in Massachusetts. I’m not so about some of the article – such as the higher risk of birth defects with ICSI… I haven’t seen research to indicate that, but then again I haven’t really looked up much to do with ICSI.

But it just makes me wonder. They pushed for a 3-day transfer even though we wanted a 5-day and were fully aware and accepting of the risks. Was it out of concern for us? They told us ICSI would solve our problem, even though it is obvious from past records that it would not. Was that a simple oversight? I really don’t know anymore. I want to believe the best in people, and up until this point I was pretty successful in just believing that the doctors would get me pregnant and knew what was best for me.

But what do you do when that faith gets totally shaken? Even if it was a totally innocent mistake, that’s still a damn big mistake. And how do we know that something similar won’t happen again?

So I’m pretty sure I’m going to at least have a consult with a different clinic to get their take on it and feel it out. Only problem is I don’t think I can do that until we have some form of supplimental insurance to cover it. Well, we could do it now – we’d just get billed the full amount, which is something I’d like to avoid if possible. I’m not going to enroll for any other insurance until we get the result of this cycle – even though I’m fairly positive it’s not going to work I would hate to spend hundreds of dollars on insurance and find out in a week I won’t need it. Den can’t switch his insurance at work until November (open season for insurance), so we either have to wait until November (and hope that one of the other options covers infertility under MA rules – which is NOT a given, because it is the government after all), or enroll me in a supplimental insurance. All before we can have a consult. Bleh. When did things get so complicated? I don’t know how you people in other states handle going through IVF emotionally and physically and worrying about the financial aspect. It’s just too much for one person!

And I do still intend to have a follow-up talk with our current doctor to hear what she has to say about all of this. If she waves it off and makes some kind of lame, general “we’ll get you pregnant!” assurance I’m not going to be happy. (That’s what they did at transfer. Now that could have been because they didn’t want me upset during transfer, or it could be an indication that they are not going to take this as serious as they should.) I do get the very strong feeling that, as a Massachusetts clinic where the vast majority of their patients are covered under unlimited insurance (or is it 3-6 tries? I am not sure) that they really do NOT pay attention to limits as much as they ought to. I really got that feeling about our second cycle… they very much had the attitude of, “Oh well, next time we’ll try something different.” We had to keep reminding them that our insurance only covers two attempts. And I really think a clinic in a different state would have had a much better attention to that.

In any case, nothing much I can do for a week or more. My parents are here visiting and I am thoroughly enjoying it. I have so much fun showing them around, watching them play with our dogs and cats, going out to eat with them. I really miss having them around. And I think the timing was impeccable, because almost all of my 2 week wait is being taken up by their visit. I don’t have time to sit and mope… I’m far too busy trying to figure out how to get my work done and still spend as much time as possible with my parents!

This time I am not going to wait until beta day to test. So sometime next week I’ll start testing every day or every other day. I figure a negative every day will help me deal with the disappointment a little at a time rather than all at once.

Symptom-wise I have everything I had last time, thanks to the HCG trigger and progesterone. Boobs are sore, mainly. It’s irritating, since I know it means nothing. And I still hate those estrogen patches. I’ve always hated bandaids.