Empty
I walked in the house when I got home and Den walked over to me and gave me a giant hug. I just started crying (I hadn’t until then – I had remained suspended in a state of disbelief/shock). For a little bit I thought it was just him comforting me… but then I realized some of it was him needing comfort too.
I asked him how he knew, he specifically told me not to wake him up to tell him what the result was – and I hadn’t. (I fell back asleep after testing, woke up late to get my blood drawn.) He said he got up and the pregnancy test wasn’t sitting out, that if it was positive it would have been sitting out somewhere. So he looked in the trash. Said soon as he saw it there he didn’t even need to turn it over to know that it was negative.
We both sat together on the couch for a few minutes before he left for his appointment. He’s coming back shortly and we’ll be going out… to get new tires on the truck, go out for lunch, maybe go to the kitchen showroom to pick out some new kitchen cupboards. Because, shopping is the cure-all. It was supposed to be shopping for baby things, but… well. I guess kitchen cupboard will do.
At times like this…. I really wonder why we bother. It just feels like one more negative added to the pile – and this month was supposed to be SO different. God, we had our miracle embryos! Not just one that hung on to transfer, but TWO! I was so sure ONE of them would stick. I just can’t help wondering WHY they didn’t. Was it something I did wrong? Did my lifting at work knock them loose? Does my body just not want to make a baby?
I just feel so empty inside.
You did NOT do something to knock them loose! Unless you went sky diving or extreme skiing, which is highly unlikely.
There is nothing useful that I can say right now which will ease your pain and answer your questions, so just know that I’m sending lots of hugs your way. And I’m so very sorry.
I am so sorry and nothing I say is going to make you feel any better, but I AM SO SORRY. You did nothing to make the negative a negative.
Hon… I love you. *hugs*
Oh Natalie. :( I’m so sorry hon. My heart just sank when I read this. I’m sending you lots of hugs.
(((HUGS)))
I am so sorry the test was negative.
I can’t believe it. I thought for sure that this would be it for you both. Go get some good wine and a crappy movie and indulge today, you’ve both earned it.
So sorry to read about your test. I, like all your readers, had my fingers crossed for you so it couldn’t have been for a lack of good vibes.
i’m so sorry.
please know that you did NOTHING wrong. i know it’s impossible to avoid the “what ifs” right now, but i just want to stress that this is not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
sending you many virtual hugs. i’m with Lindsay — go get some good wine, some ice cream and a bad movie to watch with your sweetie.
take care.
I am so sorry sweetie. Please take care of yourself. Hugs.
I’m still holding onto hope you had a bad pee stick and the blood test will be positive. *hug*s
My heart breaks with you sweetheart. Hugs you tight and hard
I did, I did, I was soooo hoping for a positive. A big hug all the way fm here.