I was discharged yesterday but decided to stay at the hospital in a free room as a “hotel guest,” something they offer moms in situations like this. I was going to stay just one extra night but decided to stay one more. I think it was a good decision. Kate is just fine with daddy at home, and I really appreciate the bonding time with Ember.

I love just holding her after she’s done nursing, staring at her and watching her cute little newborn faces. She is most definitely not Kate! She has a lot of different features, so I’m exploring all her little dimples and curves. She has a ton of long dark hair. I love stroking and playing with her hair, it all sticks up funny. I stare at her in wonder, how did she come from me? How was she just inside me mere days ago? She’s already changed in the last 3 days, looking less red, less squished. Even though she’s in the NICU I am grateful that I get to spend time with my little girl, bonding and falling in love with her. I don’t want to lose this time with her.

I also don’t want her to lose out on this time with me. She’s waking up a little more now rather than being asleep pretty much all the time. She looks up at me with her fuzzy grey-blue eyes, she pouts her little lip, she sticks out her tongue and roots around for mama’s boob. When she’s upset I’m there to hold her.

Getting off to a good start with breastfeeding was very important to me. We didn’t get to nurse right after birth and in fact we didn’t get to nurse until the following day. I wasn’t overly concerned, she had other needs to deal with right then. But happily when we did get the go-ahead to feed her she latched right on. I remember with Kate that even though she knew what she was supposed to do she wasn’t quite sure how to accomplish it – both of us were new and there was a lot of fumbling around the nipple. This one? Not an issue. And I’m not a newbie either, I’m sure that helps. I pumped off a little bit of colostrum but then just nursed her until I felt my milk coming in yesterday evening. Ember is extremely happy with the milk, and so are the nurses. She wasn’t peeing much before my milk came in, and while that’s normal in a breastfed baby they get worried about that in the NICU. Of course as soon as they brought it up I mentioned to them that my breasts were filling as we spoke and the next time I spoke to them they reported a giant poop and two good pees from her. :) So now I’m still nursing Ember every 3 hours, but then usually going back to my room and pumping off the rest. I’m building a stockpile for when I go home, since we don’t know how long Ember will be at the hospital still. I’m already pumping off 2oz each time after she eats (and at 3 days old she’s not eating that much per feeding!), I imagine I’m going to have to deal with oversupply for a while.

Kate is doing so well. She was a little hyperactive in the hospital, but then this isn’t exactly the most toddler-friendly place, she has energy to burn. She is happy to see mama for a while, she sits with me and we play games and eat food and she talks a lot. But she isn’t throwing fits when Den takes her home. That’s a huge weight off my shoulders! I think she’s actually enjoying having a lot of time with daddy, to be honest. She’s doing great with the baby, too. Today we told her we were going to go see the baby and she happily marched down the halls with us to the NICU. In the hall way in front there are big paintings on the walls of various jungle animals, and Kate gets so excited to point them all out to us. Then we get a sticker (on her shirt, identifying her) and we go wash our hands – that is awkward, Den has to hold her up while somehow scrubbing in himself and getting her hands and arms washed. Today when we got done with the hand washing Kate said, “Baby? Baby Emma?” and was all set to walk straight into the pod where Ember is. (And yes, she pronounces it emma. The b and r are apparently difficult!) She happily sat on the chair with me but was very impatient when we took time picking Ember up, she kept pointing and instructing us, “Baby!” When daddy brought the baby down to our level Kate waved at her, said, “Hi!”, petted her head, and then of course grabbed the blanket and tried yanking the baby into her own arms. Ummm, not so much, Kate! So it appears her main frustration right now is that she is not allowed to grab the baby and carry her around. ;) She did give hugs though. Then Den distracted Kate a bit while I started to nurse the baby. Kate had no issue with that, either. They did have to leave, but only because Kate was just too wired and wanted to run around and touch things. All in all I think it’s going very well! Hope it continues to go well once Ember is home with us.

I have pictures, but I’m not exactly sure how to post them from the tablet. I’ll see if I can figure that out next.