Time-out
Kate is all about pushing boundaries right now. Thankfully she is generally just nudging them, but she clearly puts her toes on the other side of the line and then looks at me as if waiting to see what I’ll do. It’s just little things, like touching something repeatedly after I told her no touch (while staring at me), getting up on something right after I made her get down, drawing on things like the floor and desk when I have told her we don’t do that.
The worst one was at the doctor’s office. She likes blowing bubbles in water. So for some completely crazy reason she recently decided that blowing bubbles on chair seats is hilarious. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing for a while, making big “Bbbbbah!” sounds on the vinyl, until she said “Bubble!” While at home this is just kind of a weird thing to do, in a freakin doctor’s office it’s so gross! I was getting quite frustrated with her and was using my sternest mommy-voice telling her to stop it, we don’t blow bubbles, no touch! And she would laugh and dive back at the chair again. I had to stop her somehow and she clearly wasn’t going to listen to my verbal command so I picked her up, sat her on my lap, wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly so she couldn’t get down. She struggled and whined and cried a little bit. I calmly said, “Mama said no bubbles. You have to listen to mama.” Unlike removing her from the chair, which she seemed to think was a funny game, she really really did not like being held and unable to get down. But I think it at least made an impression. She still tried doing the bubbles again though, I had to do another impromptu time-out.
The laughing at me thing is what has me kind of stumped. She [usually] listens when Den uses his daddy voice – I’ve seen her fling an object to the floor and slam her butt to the ground as if by having a really fast reaction time she’ll convince him that she was never in fact standing on the chair grabbing that thing-she’s-not-supposed-to-have. But me? She laughs. I don’t even pull out the mommy voice very often, I don’t really have reason to and I try to reserve it for special occasions. It doesn’t matter. It’s apparently the curse of being the mommy. So I will pull her off something and she’ll laugh and laugh like it’s a fun game we’re playing. I take things away from her – like the crayons – and she does get upset at that and it seems to be pretty effective since it’s an immediate, related consequence. If she can’t use something properly then she doesn’t get to use it. But things like climbing on the table or the back of the couch? I can’t take those away. A natural consequence would be her falling on her head, which is of course the consequence I am trying to avoid. I’m not really a huge fan of time-outs, mostly because her cognitive skills are still lacking to be able to understand my explanations, but I think it may end up being what works.
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I had plans to write more, but apparently Kate and I have gotten sick. I no longer have any desire to sit here, and coughing keeps interrupting my few thoughts. A day on the couch it is. Blah.
Here’s why I like timeout: I don’t think of it as punishment. And it really doesn’t even require me to explain anything to my girl when she’s naughty. She understands. Oh yes, she does. What timeout does is it immediately removes her from whatever naughty thing she is enjoying. It’s like taking away the crayons with Kate. Only with timeout, I’m taking my girl away from her ability to climb on the chair, touch the plant, etc. When our girl does something naughty, she gets a warning. The next time (or time after that) she does it, we tell her to go to timeout. (When we started timeout, we had to carry her to the timeout spot and make sure she stayed sitting there, but now she knows the routine. And she learned it fast.) She sits on her little “timeout stool,” we set the timer for two minutes (one minute per year old she is), and when the timer goes off, she’s free from timeout. We usually ask her to tell us she’s sorry for x behavior, and then we hug it out. And then we go back to playing. Often, she wails her head off in timeout, but it really doesn’t matter. It still works every time. We don’t make eye contact during timeout, and we don’t ever engage her in any kind of conversation. There’s really nothing that needs to be discussed, and I realized I don’t need to bargain with my 2-year-old. Heh–it took me awhile to learn that. :o) We also make sure there’s nothing within her reach that she can play with, knock down, etc. during timeout. When timeout is over, it’s like she’s reset. She’s over the wailing, and she’s over whatever naughty thing she was doing before, and we all move on to happier things. Maybe it will work for you too. And if it doesn’t, you’ll figure out something that works. Like all things baby/toddler/kid, it’s a phase that will eventually pass… maybe just not as soon as we wish it would. :o)
I remember this phase and we physically had to hold our boys on the timeout mat to keep them in timeout. Seemed silly at the time but they didn’t like it and that is what made it somewhat effective. I do like your idea of just holding her in your lap and holding her tight because it has the same effect. She doesn’t like it so it would be a deterrent. The only thing I would add is that when she is being held either in your lap or in a timeout is that you don’t look at or talk to her during the time that she is in the “timeout”. It’s hard but that is what makes it effective. If you engage her in any way then it’s not much of a deterrent because she still has your attention (even if it is negative attention).
And I wouldn’t react at all to the laughing. Show no emotion at all. Just correct or redirect and keep doing it as long as you have to or until you think a timeout might be in order. If you keep emotion out of it and act like it’s not even bothering you, then she gets nothing out of it and may stop the undesirable behavior.
You may already be doing all of this. I just thought I would weigh in on what worked for us.
Good luck.
Carrie
Thank you both! I did notice that when I was holding her silently she was DESPERATE to get my attention… she kept reaching around to tap my chin and try to pull my head to look at her, saying “Mama! Mama!” She was definitely NOT happy at my lack of response.
Sorry, this has nothing to do with the topic! I told you on Twitter (betttina) that I’d dreamt about you, so I thought I should explain:
Friday night I dreamed that my 9 month old and I were visiting you and my baby took her first steps walking between us. Then you were really tired and you got smaller and smaller until you were the size of a toddler and I picked you up and tucked you in your crib.
Perhaps I’m dreaming that you need more rest and that I’d like to help out and take care of you. Or perhaps I’m just stalking you in my dreams. :)
lol! Well I could totally see the me getting tired and needing someone to tuck me into bed thing. ;)