Sleep and Hesitation
My dear Kate is wearing my patience thin. I realize she’s getting molars. I am trying to keep that in mind, I know that’s affecting her mood and her sleep patterns. But after two weeks of “molar teething” I am just getting outright frustrated by her stubborn refusal to go the fuck to sleep. She’s trying to skip her nap, which is HORRIBLE because she needs a good 3 hour nap to function. I used to take her in her bedroom and wind her down in there, but no more… I take her in the bedroom, turn off the light, and she turns into a wiggle worm – a very vocal wiggle worm – who fights with everything she has. So I’ve found what works to wind her down in the living room: music videos on my computer. I turn them on and hold her and sing to her. It takes a little bit, but if she’s tired she’ll slowly give in and relax on my shoulder. When I deem her “far enough” I can then take her into her bedroom and deposit her in her crib. She doesn’t have to be fully asleep, but it’s a very fine line… if she’s not quite drowsy enough she immediately shoots up and starts kicking and fighting when I go into her bedroom. Frustration abounds.
Right now what works is a very specific sequence: Adele’s Someone Like You, then Dixie Chicks’ Lullabye. I don’t think she likes those any more than anything else, but I like them so much that I would play them over and over to sing to her when I was desperate and they have thus become her triggers. I’m not complaining, even though I’m getting slightly sick of singing the same thing over and over. (It’s better than Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 10 times in a row… trust me on that.)
On one very desperate night I was exhausted and just DONE and I sent Den in. He had the brilliant idea to turn on our portable DVD player with Signing Time – which she is addicted to – and was able to get her to watch quietly until she just laid down and fell asleep. Just like that. After me fighting with her for HOURS. This seemed brilliant! BRILLIANT! I got her to nap that way a few times too – again, instead of fighting with her for an hour or more. Seemed like a great idea!
Except…. it turned into a full-fledged addiction. She would wake up and yell because the DVD was off and she wanted it back on. I’d turn it on for nap and leave her… and find her still watching it an hour later, refusing to nap. then she started banging on her bedroom door, yelling and tantruming because she wanted me to go in and turn the DVD on for her. She’d pick up the DVD player and bring it out to me. If I said no she’d tantrum. Lots and lots of tantrums.
So I am DONE with the DVD player. It was a great thing in a desperate moment, but I do NOT like how this has progressed and the attitude is just not acceptable. I am not letting her watch it for hours upon hours each day, which is apparently what she wants to do. I’m done with the tantrums when I let her watch for a little bit then turn it off. So we’re just done cold-turkey. Soon she’ll forget about it and hopefully get back into better habits.
This sleep thing is going to be exceedingly frustrating until these molars come all the way in. (If in fact that is what the problem is… I sure hope so, because if it’s “just her age” or a phase and there is no end in sight, then I will cry. Heartily.) But somehow I will figure out other ways to get her to sleep.
Thankfully once she actually falls asleep she tends to sleep well. She’s been taking 2 1/2 – 3 hour naps during the day (one day it was an astonishing 4 hours!), and at night… well she’s fighting bedtime until much later in the evening, but again she’s sleeping until 8am without an issue. Sometimes wakes up to nurse in there, but goes straight back down. (I only get pissy whens he wakes up and refuses to go back to sleep… NOT okay. But thankfully rare.) Which is actually kind of ironic, when you think it. She was always super easy to get to go to bed, but woke frequently all night long. Now I have the opposite problem!
Toddlers certainly keep you on your toes.
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Regarding the pregnancy – and it still feels all shifty to say that, like I need to look over my shoulder and whisper the word – I’ve moved from the shock and excitement stage into the nervous stage. I no longer want to tell people IRL at all yet. I continued taking pregnancy tests and they’re not really getting darker, which freaks me out after my experience with the ectopic. My pregnancy symptoms come and go and consist mostly of excessive burping and a crazy amount of bloating. The rest of the time I feel normal (except for an inability to fasten my jeans button – I always thought that was related to the IVF retrieval, but apparently no, it’s just my early pregnancy symptom). It’s so weird to know that I am pregnant but not really feel it at all.
I know I could phone and beg for a beta, but I really don’t have the desire to. I have a pretty fatalistic view of this pregnancy: either it will work out, or it won’t. Getting a beta won’t change that. It will, however, probably make me obsess and worry more. I found with Kate’s pregnancy that all those tests that were supposed to reassure me really only gave me more to fret over. I’d really like to do this the “normal” way this time… no numbers, no tests, no data. I do want an early ultrasound to see the heartbeat to prove there really is a baby (and that it’s in the right spot), and obviously I want to hear the heartbeat frequently after that. But that’s all. No extra ultrasounds or BPPs or NSTs. For right now there is absolutely nothing that can really tell me anything that I don’t already know. If it’s ectopic I’ll know within a week or two. If it’s going to miscarry it will happen regardless of good or bad betas.
I just saw an article about how a study showed that reading the ending of a book first actually increases your enjoyment of the book, presumably because you are not anxious about what happens later. If only I could read the ending of this pregnancy so I could sit back and enjoy the ride a little more. I have a feeling I’m going to be pretty reserved for a while.
I never understood how my mom could read the epilogue to Harry Potter before the rest of book 7 but now I do. I also was nervous during my IVF pregnancy and now that she’s here, I know that I could have relaxed more.
I am still so excited for you! Your body works! You know you can do labor and birth – now you can even do spontaneous pregnancy. Your happy news has made my day.
So true, and I’ve had a few friends remind me of that! It’s a good perspective to have! Even if this one doesn’t work, maybe we can pull it off again. :)
Several ideas. Tape player with music. Tape player with stories. Tape player with you reading the stories. Music box? Something timed so it turns itself off? A radio on really low? White noise like a fan? Or maybe she is old enough to be told it is nap time and learn that is what she has to do. Have tried all, and all worked at different ages.
I am SO sorry I didn’t have a chance to comment before – I am absolutely freaking out over your pregnancy for you. I know how crazy it can be to suddenly find yourself pregnant after struggling. My son and daughter are 18 months apart because of that. I also had the feelings of not wanting people to think “well they just relaxed” or “maybe their infertility wasn’t real” or anything along those lines but eventually you just go on and people will think what they will think.
Again, congrats and I am sending my very best thoughts for a wonderful pregnancy.
I don’t know why, but playing this song frequently got me through to the early ultrasound with no betas. Maybe it’ll help you through. Sharing with you in case it does…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpJ7LulU-Xc&feature=fvst
I’m picturing you with a tween in a few years, yelling “the attitude is just not acceptable!!” hee hee
I think your attitude toward the pregnancy is pretty much what my midwives’ is. Why monitor, we can’t prevent anything from happening at this stage? Hope it all goess well, though.
Congratulations on the pregnancy! If, God willing, my current pregnancy progresses normally, my babies will be two years apart exactly as well!
My Julia is a few months older than Kate, but we went through a TERRIBLE sleep regression for about two months from 17-19 months (ask moxie has info on the 18 month sleep regression – perhaps Kate is advanced?). Every nap and bedtime consisted of screams, and thrashing, and tons of night waking. At first I kept going in to comfort her, especially in the middle of the night, but at a certain point I had just had ENOUGH. So now, we read, I sing her favorite songs to her, and then I deposit her in the crib. End of story until her wake-up time the next day. There were a few weeks of (diminishing) yells, I won’t lie, but now she’s accepted that 1) I’m not coming in to get her no matter what she cries, but that 2) I will come back in the morning, and she quietly plays with her stuffed animals until falling asleep (she’s now 20 months). Not sure if Kate needs that level of tough love, but it worked for Julia.
Totally admire you for being done with the DVD player and taking it away. Most of my friends with kids look at me like I’m dumb when if I mention how important it is for me that my future children are not addicted to the tv from a young age. I just know how too many people IRL who have let it become a babysitter and their kids are totally lost without tv. I’ve always had that feeling anyways but then I when I took my child psych class and read a lot of studies concerning the effect of loads of tv on children, that definitely confirmed it to me.
I think you have a great attitude about how to handle your recent shocking news. ((hug))
Yeah, I have no problem turning on one Backyardigans episode a day for her, for a break for me and just a fun treat for her. But I draw the line at having it on all day long (even me, I don’t watch TV during the day anymore either), and throwing fits when it gets turned off. Ummm no. She’s fine with her blocks and beads and puzzles. I see how she just stands there and stares at the TV… not cool.
Understood. For us it’s always teeth or allergies. Always. (oh or sick of course) and teething takes weeks and weeks. We are STILL in canines, but he’s adjusting. But tonight the weed pollen count is very high so here he lies beside me (his room is worst for some reason) can’t complain Tho bc he gave me 3 rare real kisses in thanks.
I was paying catch-up tonight with my favorite blogs and found your happy news…how wonderful! So excited about what may be a surprise with a happy ending! Wishing you the very best in the next few days/weeks. I hope your uncertainties, one way or another, are eliminated sooner rather than later.
first of all HOLY CRAP!!
with my second pg it took forever for the line to darken too. i took a test every other day trying to make myself feel better with darkening lines. it took about a week and a half from the first test for a significant darkening.
Another alternate forum follower since before Devin.
I can’t believe it. Like, seriously? Are you f*cking kidding me?!?!?
I am in complete awe, Natalie. I have read along for years, and you and I ‘spoke’ last year about a friend who was experiencing infant loss.
Anyway, I haven’t had a chance to read the past week, I’ve been so busy with work! Plus, after our first terrifying but then successful pregnancy following IF treatment 4.5 yrs ago, we have been TTC/OTL for a long long time. Eventually we tossed in the towel last August, and got a puppy instead for little man.
So you can imagine the shock (yes, you can!) of finding out suddenly lo and behold I went through this exact thing. LOL. From the not feeling well, to the expired pregnancy test…the whole shebang. The ‘well WTF..might as well just take a test since it will put my mind at ease when it comes up negative as usual’ and finding *THE LINE*. Two, three, FOUR tests later and sure enough….it was there for good.
Little miss turns 3 months tomorrow. It’s so much different when you’re not holding your breath for every single moment. It’s different looking at your child and staring in wonderment that there’s another baby growing inside of you. I hesitated, waiting for the other shoe to drop before telling anyone, and it never did. She is here, and she is ours, and I am still in disbelieve that it could have just *happened* like that.
I worried the entire time I was pregnant that I wouldn’t love her as much as him…that he’s my everything and she’d never compare. It’s simply different. Hard to explain. Your love doesn’t become divided, it becomes multiplied. It’s as simple as that.
Gosh…what fantastic news to read today! I’m going to be dancing the rest of the day from this! I am so freaking happy for you Nat!!!!!