These have been some of the worst nights in 6 months, I think. I know she’s still teething those molars but now I’m wondering if her last cold left her with yet another ear infection, it’s that bad. She’s now refusing to nap, refusing to go to bed, and the last two nights when waking in the middle of the night is NOT going back to sleep. Or rather, she does fall back asleep nursing, but wakes up screaming when I put her in her crib. I’m at a total loss here. She and I are running on very little sleep, and I really don’t know how she’s not an utter mess.

Two nights ago it went like this: I tried for hours to get her to fall asleep and she resisted. I just let it slide (I’ve learned if I push her she tends to throw a bigger fit… so I wait until she’s really tired). So that was midnight I FINALLY got her to fall asleep on me, I tiptoed in and gently put her in her crib. She did not wake up crying. SCORE! I figured I’d have at least a good stretch after that.

WRONG! At 2am we were woken up by a horrific, strange sound. We both sat up and looked around in confusion and found the damn dog throwing up all over. WTF? He was coughing and retching. Den cleaned up the puke but the dog still clearly wasn’t settled so we let him outside. Waited a while, let him back in. Nope, back out. Wait longer while I listlessly read stuff on the internet. Okay, back in and he lays down. Except… oh god, what is that smell? I hear a “pffft” – the telltale sound of a dog fart. Another wave of stench hits me. This went on for over an hour, me gagging and unable to sleep. Of course this happened right after the temperature took a nose dive so when I opened the window I froze to death.

Just as I was finally drifting off to sleep the baby cries. I got up, nursed her, put her back in her crib…. she flips over, lurches to her feet, screams. Okay. So I pick her up, her head flops onto my chest. I sing to her, dance with her, rub her back. Every time I thought she’d finally fallen asleep she kicks me again… weak little twitchy kicks. Just to let me know that she is in fact still awake and if I dare put her down we’ll be back at square one.

An hour later she is STILL not asleep enough for me to put down and we go through several iterations and attempts of different methods, all of which fail. I lay on the futon mattress with her, hoping that she’ll be okay if she’s cuddled up with me. she runs to the bedroom door and stands there screaming for 15 minutes – ignores all my soft words, my pleading with her to come cuddle with mama. No. She screams.

It’s now after 5am and I’ve slept a total of 2 hours – I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I’m done. I put her – still screaming! – in her crib and go flop on my own bed, crying. At that point den gets up to try calming her down and I fall asleep. He was going to wake me up when he left for work in an hour, but I don’t wake until I hear Kate calling at 9am. Apparently he’d pulled out the DVD player again, set it up with her next to her crib when he went to work. We assume she must have fallen asleep for a few hours.

She refused to nap yesterday, despite me trying. I really wanted her to nap because we were going to the fair, but no. I almost didn’t go, but Den pointed out that getting out of the house was probably best for both of us. She fell asleep in the stroller at some point, slept for about 45 minutes.

Last night my memory is fuzzy. I believe I got her to fall asleep in her crib at about 11pm. I went to bed grateful and expecting some sleep… but no, she woke up at midnight. I believe I got her back to sleep at some point, and went back to bed myself. She woke up at 6:30 and did the nurse-asleep-crib-cry thing. So I got up with her but she clearly was exhausted and wanted to sleep… but wouldn’t sleep. I managed to very carefully nurse her to sleep on the futon and I stayed there, frozen, for a long time. Not very comfortable. I waited long enough to wiggle away slightly and fall asleep myself. When she woke up I thought it was about 9, but apparently it was 11:30. Wow, okay, so we actually got some sleep – maybe I do need to push the cosleeping thing again.

Tried it for her nap… I really thought she was falling asleep. She wiggled away against a pillow and curled on her side the way she does when she’s tired. She stayed there for several minutes. But then she sat up and crawled off to bang on the door. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So basically, all of that is to illustrate that I am so freakin’ exhausted and this no sleep thing is BULLSHIT. I want to stomp my feet and throw a tantrum and yell, “But I’m pregnant! I need my sleep!” Alas Denis is working tons of overtime and has no time off for another week so it is what it is.

If this continues I’ll be taking her to the dr on Monday to check her ears. If that’s not it…. then I HATE molars. HATE.