As I prepared for a new baby I tried quite hard to purchase only necessities, not toys. I figured a baby wouldn’t use any toys for a long while. Shows what I know. I had no clue that babies this young were already so interested in such things! I guess I thought they were lumps for longer.

Shortly after recognizing her hands just the other day she discovered she can control these hands and started purposefully grabbing at a toy. I am really pleased with her Lamaze toys: she has the bug and flower, and the peacock. Her favorite is the flower for three reasons: its black and white high-contrast patterns (on the bottom of the flower, which right now is the side we hold up to her); the fabric petals are soft and easily grippable by her little fists; and they also crinkle, a feedback that she seems to LOVE.

It is SO FUN to watch her! In the span of only two days she’s already reaching for the toy much more purposefully, and she gets visibly excited when playing: her eyes get really wide with a semi-shocked expression and she flails her arms up and down quickly, like a primitive baby dance. It’s like watching her express “OMG! That was me, I did that! I made that sound! I’m awesome!” And we, like good, well-trained parents, shriek with joy and affirm yes, yes she is awesome. I’ll note that while figuring this hand control thing out she does not smile or coo; she’s all concentration, brow furrowed, eyes semi-crossed as she focuses on her hands.

She’s apparently working very hard because, while she only lasts for a 10 or 15 minute stretch at one time, she wants to do it often. Unfortunately she’s also only napping for 30 minutes at a time, which really isn’t my favorite. I’m a little lost trying to follow her pattern because, well, it’s not her pattern! She wakes up just when I think I’ve got her down for a stretch, and she’s wide-eyed, calm, and wanting to play again. Then she wears out quickly and before I know it she’s falling asleep again. Arg! She’s also eating “snacks” all day, wanting only a little bit at a time. I try encouraging her to eat more at once but she pushes off and cries (but happily takes a pacifier) – she’s pretty clear when she’s done. Yeah, a weird day.

So now of course I’m online looking for similar toys to buy. I’m glad I didn’t buy a bunch beforehand, though, as what I would have bought before is not necessarily what she seems to prefer now. I also have to keep in mind that her preferences are ever-changing. But it’s so much fun watching her that I want to provide her with more opportunities to learn and play!

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I admit, I worried about becoming a SAHM. While I was once a SAHW I tended to sleep all day and not actually do many chores (much to Den’s frustration). Then I started working full-time. This was going to be a major adjustment, no matter how you look at it. I had no idea how I was going to get any chores done, or how I’d cope with not being able to sleep. Would I feel like I had too much to do? Or would I feel extremely bored with the repetition and cut off from everything?

I freaking love it. I have this constant companion; we’re a team, she and I. (I admit, I hold many conversations with her.) I keep busy fulfilling her needs: feeding, changing, playing, soothing. We dance around the living room as she squirms, restless and tired. We babble and grin as she sits on my lap, taking in the world around her. She gazes at me with her half closed grey-blue eyes as she nurses, fingers clenched in my shirt. I rest my cheek on her head and pat her back as I rock her to sleep. This is my life, and not only do I give myself over willingly, I delight in it.

It would have been much harder to be home alone in her early weeks when she hated being put down at all, for any reason. But now it’s already so different. She will sleep in her pack’n’play or swing, she’ll hang out awake and amused in her swing, bouncer, or on the floor on her blanket. I have enough time to eat (though not much time, I have to be very quick about it), go to the bathroom, throw on some laundry, feed the dogs. Those few naps when she’s sleeping somewhere not in my arms I tend to clean up the kitchen or sweep the floors. In short, I think I get more done now than I did as a SAHW – now I feel motivated and upbeat, ready to tackle things. (Feeling good about life does marvelous things for motivation.)

And the blogging? Well I admit I do the bulk of it in bed or from the recliner while she’s asleep. I am typing mostly on my blackberry, a feat that is indeed frustrating, but less annoying than typing one-handed on the laptop. (I can only hope that I’ll be as quick at it on the Droid I’ll be buying shortly!)

If only I could figure out how to function this well when not at home – that’s where it all comes crashing down. It’s all so much easier with everything close at hand: the recliner, boppy, swing, pack’n’play. When you’re out and don’t have any of those things, then suddenly it isn’t quite so easy… And there tends to be frequent meltdowns on both sides!