I really wish I didn’t need reassurance
Okay, I’ll try to make this brief because I really need to crash in bed. It feels like all I do now is work, come home, eat something (anything!), try to respond to emails before crashing in bed. Wake up tired, rinse, repeat.
The bleeding had pretty much stopped completely when I went to bed last night and there was no more when I woke up. But regardless I slept very poorly, on edge and having vague nightmares of loss and anxiety. When I woke up I just layed there for the longest time, not even wanting to get out of bed and check to see if there was bleeding or not. So I knew I had to go in. I’m sure the anxiety would have dissipated over the course of a day or two, but why carry anxiety if you don’t have to? Who is it going to hurt to go in and just get checked? My pride, that’s pretty much it. I wasn’t scheduled to be at work until later today, so I didn’t even have to take time off. (I just had to haul my ass out of bed, that was the hard part.)
I walked in feeling sheepish, sighing and shaking my head, but the tech is just so so nice. She knew why I was there. It wasn’t because I honestly thought I was miscarrying, I would have been freaking out if that were the case. But I was just rattled enough to need to see with my own eyes. The ultrasound quickly showed the little bub floating around in its happy little bubble. Looked more like a teddy bear today, upright (on the screen at least), leg and arm buds a little longer and splayed right out. Gave me a giggle, actually.
So yet again there is NO sign of bleeding in my uterus. Sac is perfect, baby is perfect, placenta is perfect. There are no hematomas, nothing. But she did point out some blood vessels near the entrance to my (closed) cervix that had a bit of an active sparkle. It’s down there that is causing me grief. I can’t really explain the way she did, but it’s just that my blood vessels are still adapting and growing and changing and they’re leaking a little bit, is how I envision it. I’ve been spotting off and on for weeks since this started, and I kind of got used to that, it’s stopped bothering me, even red blood is just par for the course this time around. But the last week or so I have not had any spotting. Now silly me I thought that meant it was finally done… noooo. Instead it was all collecting right at the top of my cervix, or in my cervix, clotting a little bit, and then yesterday it came out all at once causing me to freak.
What I’m going to take from this? Apparently this pregnancy spotting is normal for me, it’s probably going to keep happening for a little while, and it is NOT affecting the baby. That’s what I wanted to see, you know? And I know, I know – what seems like a lot of blood on a panty liner is probably a pretty tiny amount in the grand scheme of the uterus. I’m just… leaking. I hope it stops at some point.
The other interesting thing I saw today was that the placenta is very clearly anterior – it’s in front this time, not in back. It is NOT previa, not near my cervix, which is a good thing. It’s not that anterior is “bad”, it’s just that when the baby is small it cushions the movement so I probably won’t feel any movement for a good while – I’m not expecting anything until 17 weeks or later (that’s when I felt Devin’s first kick). I was really really hoping I would feel something sooner this time, with this being my second and all, since I know feeling it is really going to get me through this. So I’m a little sad about that, but it’s all healthy, and that’s obviously the important thing.
I do have a picture but I honestly do not have the time or energy tonight to scan in it. Tomorrow.
My placenta was anterior. Just a warning, you might not feel much at all the entire pregnancy. I barely did.
GREAT news!
Natalie: So glad everything is okay with the baby. I, too, had an anterior placenta during my pregnancy. I felt the boys kick, but it wasn’t nearly as often (or as HARD) as I imagined it would be in a normal twin pregnancy. But at least I could see movement even when at times I couldn’t feel it. Of course, they were much larger by the time I could SEE them moving around in there…
Sorry this pregnancy has been so fraught with worry. You have a lot of caring people behind you who are cheering you every step of the way. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. You may not feel like it, but you really are one courageous lady.
i’m glad you got the reassurance you needed today. You mentioned baby looking like a teddy bear. Am I wrong or weren’t you and dh looking for a name, like how devin was sheepie. What about “cub” or “teddy”?
I’m so glad and hope things are uneventful from here on!
Im SO glad you went in and got the reassurance you needed.Its so hard to function when you are worried and scared,so you did good by popping in to your doctor and putting your mind at ease.You are SO strong Nat! But everyone has a breaking point and you need/deserve to be able to RELAX right now,so if your sanity depends on those little trips to your doctor just to have a peep at your baby and make sure everything is ok,then take as many trips as you need.
This is your moment,your miracle,and I hope that soon,you can just lay back and enjoy it..if anyone needs a break,its you.
Hugs!!!
I was thinking about you this morning. I’m so happy you got the reassurance you need.
This whole pregnancy is going to be one long lesson in managing anxiety, I think. Finding ways to be reassured, then, is a very good thing.
Thinking of you and as always sending you good vibes.
xxx
Same as Valerie on the anterior placenta. I did feel kicks, but not until after 22 weeks and not enough to keep my from freaking out. Not comforting after a full-term stillbirth, to say the least. Glad everything’s OK in there!
aww hunny…maybe since giving birth everything is stretched down there too…i mean like with the vessels…im glad you got some decent answers…also i had an anterior placenta also and felt the flutters around 13-14 weeks and kicked around 18ish weeks..the only thing i noticed was when he would move you wouldnt see the big movements and my belly getting deformed as much…but you learn to feel what is normal with it.. you will figure it out hun.. best of luck..congrats on making it to week 8…32 more to go till full term…:D
Actually i wanted to ask are they letting you go full term? icant remember
I really commiserate with your opening paragraph. Except how do any of you sleep when pregnant? I pass out ridiculously early, and then I have to get up at 3:30 am every morning to pee and throw up. Yay. Then I can’t get back to sleep until right before it’s time to get up for work. I am averaging 5-6 hours per night and it is turning me into a zombie incubator! I mean an incubator who is a zombie, not an incubator OF zombies. Ha.
Anywho, I am so happy to hear you went in and learned where this blood was coming from so you can relax a little. You shouldn’t feel bad at all that you wanted to know! I think the info you got from going in “unnecessarily” will be very good for your mental health and stress level and as an extension, good for your baby.
Kelly – Oh that sucks! I get up every night at 2am to pee, then I fall right back asleep until my alarm goes off.