Strung Out
[8w1d]
Today I have been in just a horribly pissy mood. More bleeding. I am so done with this shit.
After the bleeding incident 3 weeks ago when I had the first ultrasound, I thought to myself, okay, so red blood is okay. I didn’t have any more episodes quite like that (until today), but I’d spot just a little bit every three days or so – just enough to think maybe it wouldn’t happen again, then I’d wake up to more spotting. But, I didn’t panic – we’ve seen the heartbeat now, it’s been quite a while since this spotting thing started and everything is still good, so okay, I can accept this. I’m not happy about it, but I can expect it as how things will go this time.
Then today. Lunchtime. I’m out getting my food and I can feel it. I just think to myself, “Self, that’s just mucous, it’s fine.” Go to the bathroom. NOT mucous. Blood. And just in case you think I’m a total pansy (which I am, but anyways), I mean enough blood to soak my panty liner with a clot in it. Even then, I take a deep breath. No panicking. This happened before… sort of. Except this is more, and there’s a clot. So I called the nurse’s line and calmly left a message (although I think I added, “I’m just really frustrated with this!”). I reviewed my options in my head: I know they’ll probably tell me to come in to get another ultrasound if I want it, but we’re really short-staffed today and I honestly really don’t want to go in if it’s just going to stop again. I just had an ultrasound yesterday, for crying out loud. Everything was – and probably still is – fine. But you know, for a few hours there I’m wondering, will it stop?
It took a few hours for the nurse to call me back, and I was checking the state of things about every fifteen minutes. Of course shortly after the incident my bowels decided to move, I knew that wasn’t going to help stop the bleeding at all (I was right). But it certainly didn’t get worse. I didn’t have cramping (other than the gas bubbles that are ever-present). And it did seem to be trailing off. So when the nurse called I told her I’ll see how things go tonight and go in in the morning if I feel the need to.
At this point I’m just spotting leftovers, no new bleeding or anything. I’ve spent the entire afternoon going through my last day to see if anything I did caused it. Maybe the light lifting at work yesterday? Maybe scraping the ice from my windshield? Maybe it was just the ultrasound itself? I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. I know it wasn’t “stress” – yesterday was about as good as I’ve felt in a month, happy and reassured and hadn’t spotted in days, nothing to stress about. It stopped and that’s good, I’m happy with that, I’m relieved. I know from past experience that bleeding does not mean immediate miscarriage. I know that just yesterday my baby was perfectly fine.
I am just so irritated with the whole damn thing. I don’t know why my body is doing this, but it feels like some perverse method of torture.
could it have been the ultrasound wand..irritation to the cervix? I’m assuming your 8 w ultrasound was the dildocam, right? I can understand your frustration and anxiety…so sorry!
Sending you love and best wishes.
nat
i know i already told you this but with this (my third and i’m now 29 weeks) pregnancy i had the SAME thing and it was a subchorionic hemorrhage. it sucked but apparently it wasn’t bothering the baby at all. i bled a LOT for several weeks. i’m NOT diagnosing you or telling you not to worry–i’m just sharing my experience. i am always thinking of you.
hey natalie, just wanted to send hugs and good vibes. i would go in for that quickie ultrasound, because it will ease your mind i’m sure to see gummi bear okay in there.
Can’t they tell where the blood is coming from so you can stop worrying? Geez… its like you can’t get a very long break before something happens that causes worry again besides the normal worry that you have after everything has happened anyways.
Kate had bleeding every few days for weeks but it was a weak spot in her cervix. It only happened when she had strained but even small strains would cause it to happen. It especially happened when she had to push to poop.
I can understand that you are so afraid to trust that this baby is secure.
Blegh, how stressful! Hang in there…sounds scary and awful. I can totally relate to the anxiety.
I am so sorry about the bleeding. I bled with my daughter red fu blood at 8 weeks and 11 weeks. The RE asked me if I had cramping and I hadn’t so he would calmly say I think everything is ok. Come in tomorrow. (my bleeding always happened after hours)
Oh I also had spotting at about 20 weeks..
i’m so sorry. if anyone deserves an uneventfull pregnancy followed by taking home a happy healthy baby, its YOU! Maybe a rough pregnancy will equal a healthy baby who doesn’t get sick all the time like babys seem to. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you and baby well
Oh crap Nat! Im so sorry this is so stressing for you,I totally understand you.Id go to the docs and get that reasurance..at least then you wont be walking around asking yourself “what if?..” kwim?
You so deserve to be enjoying this,so dont torture yourself.
I hope this is the last of the spotting etc for you.Big hugs!!!
Nat, I hope you choose to get it checked out. I’m absolutely sure it’s meaningless bleeding, but if I were in your shoes, the anxiety would drive me crazy. I’d vote for getting rid of the anxiety and going for the u/s.
(Although I think it’s possible that it’s highly possible that the u/s wand is what caused th problem in the first place…)
I forgot to mention that Ionce heard that IVF’ers bleed more often
Oh my goodness. I would have totally freaked out in your shoes as well. So sorry. I am so happy that you went in. How could you not go in after that even with the other ultrasound just happening. I am so thankful that everything still looks good. I sure wish you could just cruise through–at least without bleeding!!!
I had bleeding my entire first trimester and much of my second. It was terrifying. I had small clots here and there too. Mine ended up being an overly sensitive cervix. One day my OB barely touched my cervix with a q-tip and it started bleeding. Mine did eventually settle down about halfway into the second trimester. Oh, and after an u/s I always bled, a lot! Sometimes it would take a full day or so, but the blood always came.
It’s awful and scary, but it does happen even when things are okay. I had a healthy, full term baby girl.
How scary! I’m so sorry. What hard work. xx
Hi, I am a long time lurker but I wanted to post to say first congrats! So happy for you. Secondly, I too struggled with infertility and miscarriages. When I finally conceived our first biological son (we have two children through adoption) I had the same problem with the bleeding. It started at 5 weeks and continued through 16 weeks. It was not just old blood but red blood as well. Lots sometimes leaving me running for scans as well! My Dr. said it was from the prometrium. It can irritate the cervix. My pregnancy was normal otherwise once the bleeding stopped. With my second pregnancy my dr. told me to take the prometrium orally. This time there was no bleeding. I hope this helps ease some anxiety. I understand how frustrating seeing blood can be!
I really hope it is nothing to worry about and they can tell you where you are bleeding from. Take care
So glad to hear that all is still well! I do think the combo of the p4 supps and the u/s wand are really irritating to you and that is what is likely causing the breathing. But i’m glad you got checked out so at leeast you can breathe easier about this bleeding session! Bring on the second tri, right?
Uh, I meant “bleeding”, not “breathing” (in my 2nd sentence above).
I saw from a facebook friend that today is Stillbirth Remembrance Day and wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and Devin. Praying for his little brother or sister Gummi Bear. Hugs to you today.
Just read your tweets, so glad that you went in to get checked to ease your mind.
My suggestion is to ask your doctor about checking you for a clotting disorder (its a blood test) or possibly checking to see if your progesterone levels are sufficient. I’m no doctor, but only sharing from my experiences.