[5w5d]

I’m sorry if anyone has been worried about me – I am fine, just busy! Thursday night I went to a zen group session; Friday I hung out with some friends; and Saturday I took a nap and then Den and I went to dinner with some other friends and didn’t get home until after midnight. I am exhausted! Which explains why I slept until noon today. (Well, half the reason. The other half is the baby and my inherent laziness and love of sleep.) I am feeling much more chipper today, especially hearing the vacuum cleaner going downstairs (that I am not running!). Nothing fills me with as much love for my husband as listening to him clean the house.

The best thing that has happened so far is getting that emergency ultrasound. If I hadn’t gotten that I’d still be wondering if I was miscarrying, or if it was ectopic. Now when I get sharp twinges on my left side I just smirk. I’ve been able to relax – not fully, of course, but a good several notches down from where I was. It’s a nice relief, a weight lifted. Not that I’m not still worried – I am plenty worried. But it’s reassuring to look at that picture and say, “But right NOW I am okay.”

Thursday I had that one incident of bright red blood, then after that pink as it finished clearing out. Friday morning I had brown spotting, then nothing. Saturday I had nothing at all. Today so far nothing. That’s helping me step it down some, too. I’m trying to relax into enjoying this a tiny bit, rather than being wound so tight.

My boobies can’t make up their minds. Earlier in the week they were full and heavy. Thursday they seemed to shrink back down (feeding into my fears). Today that are swollen again. I bounce between my two bra sizes – there’s only a small difference, but an obvious one.

The bloating is still in full force. Yesterday we went over to a friend’s for dinner, and as usual I ate too much. I am so hungry, and everything tastes good. But then I bloat up like crazy and this morning it felt like I had a rock sitting just under my ribcage…. a big lump of food. Ugh. No barfies, just very uncomfortable.

Oh holy hell, I’m getting tired again.