Burial
The other day we passed a military cemetary. “Is that where you’re going to be buried?” I asked Den. “It depends. Whatever you want,” he replied. I informed him that I wanted to be buried with Devin. “I don’t think that’s possible, hon,” he pointed out. Devin is buried in a baby section. I didn’t even have to pause. “We can move him.”
I guess it’s been on my mind, since the words sat well with me. I don’t mean move him now – he is fine, with the babies. But when I die, I want him put with me. I want his headstone and mine to be together, so that people know he was my son, so that they know how long I had to live without my baby boy. I’d like Denis to be there too (if he decides that he does indeed want to be buried). I guess I’ll need to put aside some money so that family can do all of that. Maybe, if we have extra money someday, we will move Devin sooner – but that would require purchasing the family plots, so I don’t see that happening. Not until it’s necessary.
When I was pregnant with Devin I mentioned to Den briefly that we ought to have a Will drawn up. It just seemed so morbid, we never got past that brief mention. Now talking about death and planning doesn’t seem like such a strange, creepy thing.
I know what you mean. It’s amazing how perspective changes. I guess this is what they mean about growing up.
We had the boys cremated, but didn’t bury or spread the ashes. My Mom is buried in a plot near my grandparents’ plots, and my father will be buried there, too. My Dad’s family is in the same cemetery, too. Since we haven’t bought plots, we’ve considered putting their ashes with my mom, and that will always be a place we and my family will visit. It’s kind of corny (or morbid), but my mom didn’t get to have grandchildren before she died, so the idea of their remains resting together is kind of comforting to me.
It’s the same for me. Before I lost Cora, I couldn’t bear to even THINK about our eventual deaths. Then it happened, and, well…I guess it’s easier for me to accept now. Cora was cremated and her ashes spread, so I have nothing to bury with me.
I do think though, that I’d like to be like my grandmother. She’s still alive and well, but she has her plot bought already and headstone already installed. It’s just needed a death date.
Buried or not, would it be possible to get some kind of marker stone with the rest of the family? I’d want that much, I think, even if I don’t really want to be buried amongst other people…
I’ve been stalking your blog for a while now and felt compelled to comment on this subject. My 9 year old son died of leukemia last October. We just ordered his headstone – it is quite large and includes all 3 of our names. Cam will forever rest in the middle of DH & I. I can’t imagine it being any other way.
I think I’m getting cremated. If I go young, it’s likely I’ll have all my good organs removed and donated, and really, I don’t see the need for me to take up so much space in the ground… *shrugs*
Wow, this statement truly hit home: ” I want his headstone and mine to be together, so that people know he was my son, so that they know how long I had to live without my baby boy.” My child was here for such a short time and I wanted everyone to know that I had a baby and she was mine. We included our names on the headstone in the baby section where Caitlin’s body rests, and I think it was for a similar reason.
Peace. I am so sorry for you loss.
I will be buried with Hope, and so will Simon. The plot is for three. We only didn’t bury her in the children’s section as it was full. I know, how depressing is that. And it is a huge cemetery, and the latest child’s grave there is from the 1980s. Hardly any have flowers left at them any more. So sad. At only 29, it is strange to know exactly where I am going to end up for eternal life. This time last year, I would not have had a clue, because I was thinking my baby would take care of that. Instead, I had to take care of that for her.
I can totally relate to you wanting to be with Devin. Seems perfectly natural to me. I hope Den can join you both as well. And yes, I find it weird I don’t find any of this morbid anymore either.
I don’t know how that military cemetery is, but the North Dakota one actually allows for spouses and any dependents under 18 or of lowered mental capacity to be buried with the person who served. Does that make sense? You guys should check out whether that is the same at that cemetery.