Today at a BBQ I knew very few people besides a couple of coworkers. One of the women I recognized from work (though not my office), so I seated myself at her table. She’s one of those people who are very energetic, very vibrant, who say what’s on their mind. She and her husband included me in conversation without a pause.

Before I knew it she jumped out of chair and came around the table towards me, saying, “Oh, I love your necklace! Is that a footprint? No, it’s a handprint!” I was wearing Devin’s necklace. I was caught off-guard and stuttered, “Yes.” My mouth parted wordlessly as I hastily tried to figure out how to explain what the necklace was for me.

Maybe she saw the jolt in my eyes, maybe she just wanted to explain, but before I could get anything out she said, “I know your story,” with a little motion that said it’s fine. I relaxed immediately. She turned the necklace over to read Devin’s birth stats and said, “Awwwww. That is SO nice, I love it!” I told her how some of my friends had bought it for me after Devin’s passing, but that I don’t wear it to work because I just don’t want to deal with explanations when I am working. She nodded, understanding. We had a little conversation about jewelry and children – she has two. (Children, that is. According to her husband she has far more jewelry.)

I just found the whole exchange very refreshing. I had no idea this person knew anything about me, much less that my son had died, but since she’s friends with my coworker I shouldn’t be surprized that info was passed along. I’m always grateful to avoid explaining to the unexpecting. I think the part that makes me smile most is that she knew that Devin died, but still happily, normally opened conversation about my necklace and about Devin. As other baby-loss mamas know, that doesn’t happen too often – they usually sit and wait for you to bring it up. (Not that I blame anyone for that, they have no idea how someone will react!) It was quite refreshing.

I spent the large part of the rest of my time there making faces at my coworker’s baby. He’s a cute kid, and seems to like me. Ever since I got pregnant with Devin I’ve noticed that babies and little kids seem to be attracted to me. They never used to before. I held him for a little while… until he spit up, then I hastily gave him back. (Not that I couldn’t deal with it, but if I don’t get all the good stuff, I’m not dealing with the gross stuff.)

It feels good just be me, to enjoy things – babies – as much as I can, around people who understand that there’s a huge shadow for me. I like that my coworker asks if I want to hold him. I like being able to bounce a grinning baby on my knee and think, you know, I’ll be good at this one day. I like that the people in my life look at me with understanding – and not pity – in their eyes.