Today was not a good day. My back has been a little tight and sore the past week or two, because I was overdue fo rmy appointment with my chiropractor. But this morning I woke up with a stabbing, throbbing pain in my lower back. Pinched nerve. Thankfully my chiro appointment was already scheduled for this morning, so I just had to hang out in bed until then. That was not easy… every position hurt. Side, back, standing, sitting, laying… didn’t matter. The pain was intense. I ended up using my little microwaveable hot pack on my lower back for a short while to try to relieve some of it. At one point, getting food in the kitchen, I bent over as if to touch my toes, just trying ot stretch things out. (It didn’t work.) The appointment revealed I was definitely very very tight… upper and lower back. Her pressing on my sacrum felt so, so good, but I wanted her to keep doing it.

But unfortunately the pain relief was not instantaneous. Luckily I wasn’t at the bank today, but I was sitting at a desk nonetheless, and so spent most of the day feeling very very whiny. I spent some time just laying on the carpetted floor, cats circling and climbing on me, and that actually felt good, especially when I hugged my knees to my chest. (And then I didn’t want to move, because I was tired and a semi-feral cat curled up in my armpit, chin on my arm. I mean, really. How can you move??)

And then, also, today was a bleeding day. I seem to have on days, where I spot all day, and off days where I barely get anything. Well today was an on day, and that combined with my lower back pain – even though I knew they weren’t related – just had me very freaked out and emotional. Like I can only handle one thing at a time.

And then the nausea! I ate a subway flatbread – I love those right now. Very very good. It tasted great – one of few things that actually tastes good right now. However, apparently it was too much for the morning. It sat heavy and I just felt off all day. My stomach was gurgling, I was gassy, I felt pretty gaggy. It’s lovely.

Which reminds me… tonight I read my blog when I got pregnant with Devin… from 4 weeks to 6 weeks. Apparently what I’m dealing with right now, in terms of nausea, is much more similar than I remember. What I remember is the puking, but that didn’t come until later. Before 6-ish weeks it was just… this. Gaggy and indigestion. It’s actually quite interesting reading back… there’s a lot of things I forget, like how scared I was before my ultrasound. For some reason I was thinking I was perfectly confident and happy, but I wasn’t… it wasn’t as perfect and rosy as I think. I had fear even without the previous loss and constant bleeding.

I really wish tomorrow were Wednesday. We’re both just… waiting. I think I’m going to be crying at the ultrasound… no matter what the answer.