I have a lot more posts to make about this all, including how I told Den, since he is not here yet. But for right now I figured I’d answer a bunch of the questions I’ve been getting!

Are you getting a beta?
Since I’m out of the country I obviously cannot pop over to the clinic to get my blood drawn. I put in a call to the nurses today to let them know the good news, and they told me congratulations and just to come over for a beta when I get back next tuesday. Which will be a little weird, because obviously the numbers aren’t going to be comparable to anything from my last pregnancy, being a week later and all. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal to not have a beta drawn right away, but suddenly the idea of having a blood test confirm pregancy sounds like a really idea. Nothing to be done about it now, though.

When are you due?
December 12! Saturday is “officially” the day that my pregnancy weeks will start, going by that due date, but I’m putting up all my tickers a day off so that Sunday is the “new week day”. Just for me. Sunday is my day off, it’s my day of celebration.

How many embryos did you put back again?
We transferred just one embryo at a time, so this is almost certainly a singleton. If it’s twins it would have to be identicals, and I don’t even want to go there!

Why do you think this cycle worked?
Well first of all I do think a lot of it is dumb blind luck. We had a great embryo last time, and a great embryo this time… 50-50, right? Yes, I’m on vacation and not working… and, while I do think vacations a GREAT thing for my mental well being, I don’t really think that played a part in this. What I DO think was significant is the fact that this was a FET. My body really took a beating last stims cycle – that was far more physically stressful. The cycle I got pregnant with Devin I had no overstimming, no bloating, no side-effects from the stims… just like a FET (even though that was a stims cycle). I’m wondering if that is significant.

And also, as sweet as it is to have found out on Devin’s due date, I do not believe that was significant either. Last time we could have found out for his birthday, or the one before that for Christmas. I’m not really sure why my cycles have aligned themselves with major dates, but it’s a relief to not have another one crash and burn.

How are you feeling, physically?
Well first of all I did not expect any “symptoms”. With Devin I had nothing until way after I knew I was pregnant. This time? Whoa baby. Let me list so far:
* Day of total exhaustion (but so far it was just that day… I’m running on adrenaline, however)
* Allergies in overdrive. Feels like a great big head cold. Started days ago.
* Very gassy, yuck.
* Lots of twinges and pulling sensations in my abdomen.
* Some unhappy nerves in my hips, same ones as when I was in late pregnancy last time.
* Feeling kind of faint and dizzy when I stand up.
I think that’s all so far. No queasiness or food cravings/aversions yet! (Yet.) It makes sense that they’re all related to pregnancy, but it did seem logical that my body was out of whack, because of the travel. My newfound allergies have never been in BC before, and I do get tired when I travel. But boy do I “feel” pregnant for only being 4 weeks. It’s a little shocking to me.

How are you feeling, emotionally??
It’s weird, you know… because I really wasn’t expecting such a roller coaster this weekend. I figured I’d test on Sunday and either spend a couple days crying, or be pregnant and thinking up clever ways to surprize my husband. Instead I’ve been freaking out over stupid ass tests that have me doubting my own sanity. So for a day I was happy and hopeful, but in a state of disbelief… afraid to really put my heart on the line yet. That’s why seeing a light line today really hurt me… I needed some kind of solid confirmation and I didn’t get it with the FRERs. Which is why I totally started sobbing when I saw the digital. It was okay for me to really believe it then.

The light lines and what-if’s have of course brought up some worries about miscarriage. I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it, and it’s pretty obvious to me that I am pregnant right now, but I’ve seen enough pregnancies end to be worried. But, regardless, I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t let my fear drown out my joy. The fact of the matter is that I am pregnant NOW. And for heaven’s sake it’s about time to celebrate something! So if some of you babylost/infertile girls out there are looking at her thinking, “Holy shit, she has a ticker already? Is she nuts?” the answer is: yes. But… man, part of what I loved about being pregnant was experiencing it all! And I refuse to deny myself that.

I think it can pretty much go without saying that anything I say from now on about the future will have an unspoken disclaimer of, “If everything works out…”

How is Den doing?
Well to be honest I’m not quite sure. I know he’s a lot more unsure and scared than I am… because I have the body with all the symptoms, and he doesn’t. He was nervous enough last time, and now it will only be worse. He’s really really really excited… but really scared this is going to be taken away, too. I can’t wait for him to get here so we can just be hopeful together.

When does Den arrive?
Well, right now we’re not sure. He was supposed to get here at 5pm today, but there were a bunch of flight delays and he had to get put on different flights. We’re hoping he gets here sometime tonight.

Did you tell your parents yet?
I did! I waited until I had the digital to show them. I knew showing them a very light second line would not really have any impact, since they don’t understand the whole “a line is a line” thing… and neither one of them has great eyesight anymore, so I didn’t think they’d be able to see it! But this morning when I got the digital I walked out and handed it to my mom and she said, “What does this mean?” She knew, but wanted to make sure. I nodded and she started crying and jumped up and hugged me. Dad also asked, “What does this mean?” and then just said, “Oh! Really?? Already?? Well, good!!” My dad, ever the emotional one, ha! I love them both and I am just so thrilled to be able to share this with them!

Who else knows?
Ummmm… the entire internet, I think!! But you know me, I don’t keep secrets very well at all. ;) And goodness gracious, I love all of my friends… it’s so freaking joyful to read all the celebrations that are going on right now!

As for family, all I’ve told are my parents and brother. My mom asked me today if we were going to tell everyone at easter dinner next week and I told her I didn’t think so. Den and I need to talk about what we want to do, obviously, but I’m pretty sure we’re going to hold off announcing to family until we have seen some ultrasounds and a heartbeat. Not that I wouldn’t tell them about a miscarriage, if that happens, but… I think we both feel a little fragile right now.