I have a lot to talk about, since I’ve barely had time to sit and check my email in the past few days, so I’m going to have to split it up. I’ll talk about Devin’s birthday later, right now I’m just going to talk about my body and this cycle. Ohhh fun.

On the good side of things I am progressively losing weight. It’s not a lot of weight, but it’s noticeable for sure. I was plateaued at 136lbs, but now I’m down to about 133. Just as a reminder, I was 142lbs when I got pregnant with Devin. I haven’t been this low in over 5 years. The other day I was dressed in my work clothes and Den said, “You aren’t wearing that, are you? You look like Charlie Chaplin. Don’t you have any other pants?” I didn’t really – everything I own from the last 5 years is now too big and slipping off my butt. So I had to rustle around in my drawer and pull out some old old pants I couldn’t bear to part with (since I liked them so much). But they are a size 8, and, needless to say, I have been unable to wear them in a very very long time. Well… now they’re my only pair of pants I can wear to work. I need to go shopping. (Only problem is that they fit everywhere except the belly…. my pooch still makes them hard to close. But anything that fits my pooch sags off my ass. WTF annoying.) I’m feeling very happy with myself. Every time I step on the scale I think, “Wow! I really can do this!”

However the body is still not exactly the shape I would want. I’m losing weight from some areas – definitely my arms and face and boobs (sigh), even my butt… but not the thighs or belly so much. So it can be kind of frustrating. I want to get rid of the “spare tire” thing I still have going on…. but I don’t think that’s going to happen unless I really start working out, which brings up another whole set of problems. I might start swimming, since that’s something I can do even while in a two week wait or early pregnancy without freaking out that I’m hurting something. But still, despite those shortfalls, I may actually fit into a bikini this summer… at least among friends. That’s kind of crazy.

On the bad side of things my body is not exactly making me happy right now. During IVF#3 the nurse mentioned that if I didn’t get pregnant the period was probably going to be heavier than normal. I didn’t get pregnant, I got my period, but it was nothing remarkable. I thought nothing of it. Until I got my period after this failed cycle. Holy eff, man, this shit sucks.

First of all, cramps. And not the normal kind of cramps that I ever remember. Then there’s the bowel distress… I don’t even know how else to describe it. I know the nurse had mentioned that my left ovary was tucked behind against my bowel and might cause some lower back aches, but this is way beyond little aches. I am still having problems sitting in chairs… when I sit straight down I get this shockwave right up my tailbone through my bowel. A LOT of pressure… like when you get a wicked gas bubble. And it won’t go away! It has to be from everything pressing funny, but it is just so not fun and I would really like this to go away now.

Oh, and don’t forget the bleeding. Heavy bleeding, started Thursday, thrugh Friday and Saturday, and now continuing into Sunday. This may be normal for many people – not for me. I normally have piddly little periods. This is like a big fuckin mega-period. And it is getting really old really fast.

I’ve been thinking about how much my body has changed because of the pregnancy. I expected my lifestyle would change, I expected my mindset to change, I definitely expected my body shape to change. But I really wasn’t prepared for all the little things that are different now. My body just seems far more sensitive to, well, everything. Let’s just run through the list: I now have allergies to dust and cats, an allergic reaction to a medication, I majorly overstimmed on the same dosage as I took before with no problems, I’m getting sick from alchohol when I never did before, and hell, even my sense of smell is more sensitive than it used to be (which is saying a LOT). Sometimes I just sit in stunned silence and wonder whose body I got – because it’s obviously not mine.

Oh, and I started my FET protocol today: one patch. Man, this is so easy. No injections – none. It doesn’t feel like a real cycle.