Baseline Scan
I just lost my whole goddamn post. I am pissed off.
I got to the clinic before the lab even opened, just so I could be the first one in and out. It was not to be: my lab slip wasn’t there and I had to wait for a nurse to arrive to get it all set for me. Good thing I had my blackberry to putter around on while I waited, instead of staring blankly at the wall.
I got my blood drawn and was immediately called back to an ultrasound room. Mental note to self: being called back immediately does not guarantee you will be seen immediately. Do not leave blackberry/reading material on other side of room when you are pantsless on an exam table. I knew that the very moment I got up to grab something would be the moment that someone walked in, so I stayed put, swinging my legs, reading the posters about the uterus and ovaries, and adjusting the paper “sheet” that floated ethereally around my legs.
When the ultrasound tech came into scan me I realized how different the person I am today is from the person I was a year and a half ago. Today I watched carefully, guardedly. What is that on the screen? Why is she measuring that? Is that bad? Are they going to cancel my cycle?? Don’t tell me that. Then she said, “Everything looks good!” Lining is nice and thin, lots of antral follicles in my quiet little ovaries.
My meds were delivered to my house today while I was at work. (I actually got an email notification on my blackberry from UPS that it was delivered – so I was able to text hubby, who was down in the basement watching sports loudly, to ask him to go upstairs and bring it in.) So tonight I pulled out one of everything and… then promptly forgot what to do next. I had to go digging through my papers to refresh my memory with the written instructions.
I keep getting tripped up by things that are different now. I forget that it really has been a year and a half since I last cycled. I go to the lab and inform them I’m IVF, because on the weekends the clinic used to fax down the paperwork to the lab, and they look at me like I have two heads and say I need to go get my lab slip. I walk into the office and say I need a lab slip and I am informed that I must sign the clipboard, but it’s a different sticker than before and I get confused. The forms to fill out for surgery, and even the consents, are different. I just want to keep saying in exaspiration, “But that’s not how you did it before!”
I find it really hard to trust that this is happening now. I’m excited, and yet I keep waiting for something to go wrong. Again.
LOL. Yes, hon, it has been that long. And gosh, I know what you mean about being guarded with ultrasounds, even with our differing circumstances. With Eric, I just sort of stared at the tech or looked around bored until they said they were done. After things went wacky with Danny, I’d stare at the screen the whole time wondering why they measured this, if that measurement was a good thing, trying frantically to remember numbers and try to compare them to last time… Oy. I don’t envy you all the ultrasounds to come, hon. *hugs*
Glad things are full speed ahead, though!
I’m sorry Nat, blogger has been behaving badly.
Yaaay for a good ultrasound.
I love your description of uncomfortable office visits! Hope this is it!
Hi!
I just found your blog today. You are so amazing brave, and I’m not *just* saying that. I have had three miscarriages, and while I’ve not been able to get pregnant again yet, I know I’ll be an emotional mess. However, my miscarriages were early. I don’t think I’d be able to take it emotionally to try again after a loss like yours… :(
But that’s probably not what you want to hear, that’s all kind of depressing, huh?
Anyway, what I *really* wanted to say was I hope this cycle goes extra well! (Really.) And I know you will worry, because how can you not?, but I hope any worrying you do is all unnecessary, and every little detail goes extra well. :)
i dont exactly understand what they do in IVF.. i thought they injected an egg or a sperm into the egg..i know i sound probably so clueless but i never thought it was this much of a big process. i now see why it’s so important and expensive.. so after your ultrasound and whatnot how long do you have to wait? I’m sorry to sound so stupid but I’m really interested:) Good luck I hope this is your cycle!Fingers and toes crossed
Cynthia, in IVF to increase your chances they stimulate your ovaries to mass-produce eggs, instead of just one. Then they retrieve them (under anesthesia) from the ovaries, after 7-10 days of daily injections of the medications. That’s when they fertilize the eggs with the husband’s sperm. They let the resulting embryos mature for 3 or 5 days before putting them back (that’s a call the doctors make – if it’s better to put them back 3 days later, or 5 days later, for that particular situation).
The whole process is a very highly regulated thing, since you’re playing with the body’s hormones. The medications need to be adjusted carefully and your ovaries monitored by vaginal ultrasound to make sure that the eggs are growing at the right rate – too fast and or too slow and the eggs won’t mature properly and will never fertilize. And also, if you overstimulate them the woman can get quite sick in reaction.
If you’re interested in reading more there’s always wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IVF
Just got back from my own appt. Yes- the swinging legs- I know that well. I always bring the blackberry with me- and just learned how to read the blogs right from it.
Wishing you well on this cycle.
thanks for the explanation. I had a general picture but I wasn’t 100% sure…I surely cannot wait to read when you get that BFP again….I am sure you can’t wait either!