Like I really need more to deal with?
I am having an issue with my teeth. I’ve always had sensitive teeth (one time I was SURE I had cavaties because they were hurting, went to the dentist just to be told my teeth were in perfect shape and I apparently had sensitive teeth. Yay, but… ow!). I normally have sensitivity to hot and cold, and pain when eating really sticky sweet things like caramel (I no longer eat caramel because of it… bummer). But for the past week it has gone past “sensitive” to “majorly fucking crazy sensitive.” I told Den about my teeth and he asked if it was triggered by sweets, hot/cold or pressure… I replied, “Ummm, all of the above?” I am currently having issues eating toast. Toast, people! It also isn’t located in one particular spot in my mouth…. it’s my left side, my right side, the top, the bottom… everything hurts. Even when I’m not eating, everything is aching.
This, combined with the throat thing that’s been bugging me for a week (post-nasal drip causing a sore throat and cough, blech yuck), is making me think something more is going on. From reading it sounds like sinusitis, how lovely. May need to make a trip to the doctor, bugger. Couldn’t just be a regular cold, noooo, my sinuses need to be all fucked up.
Ooeeeeee the teeth are really hurting tonight.
::
Someone sent me this link to an old old post of Tertia’s about IVF Barbies. Reading it gave me a chuckle. I was thinking about it for a while and realized it’s missing some: IVF After A Loss and Pregnant After A Loss Barbie. At first glance you might think they’re the same as the Veteran Barbies…. but they’re not. They know all the steps – they’ve been there before. But they’re more sad than angry. When once they were simply intolerant of Newbie Barbie and Pregnant Newbie Barbie and their idealism, now they watch sadly and wish they could be ignorant and idealistic again. They wish they believed in babydust and still believed that doing everything right meant IVF worked and you got a baby at the end of a pregnancy. Even Pregnant Veteran Barbie with her paranoias and fears seems so innocent to Pregnant After A Loss Barbie.
I’ve been thinking a lot about categories – being on forums with their neatly defined subforums seems to do that to a person. I have noticed that right now there are very few forums that I seem to fit well in… only one, actually. It’s a quiet forum for those who have had a stillbirth. Now I really hate the “my pain is worse than your pain” game, but at the same time I have noticed a huge difference between the stillbirth forum and the general loss forum (both on the same site, with some posters that frequent both). There just seems to be a degree of soul-wrenching sorrow that the women of the stillbirth forum carry that is not present in the general forum (with exceptions, of course). I know that it is situational and personal, dependent on the variety of people who frequent that particular forum.
I did peek in at the TTC after a loss subforum and quickly hightailed it out of there. More perky babydust than I ever wanted to shove up my ass, thanks. I am far too cynical for that crap anymore. (Though I do not begrudge those who enjoy that atmosphere. It’s just not for me.) There is an infertility forum, but I feel so far removed from those Newbie Barbies that I would just feel weird. Especially since I’m not even doing treatments anytime soon.
Some stillbirth forums I’ve peeked in on don’t even seem right to me. That soul-wrenching sorrow? There’s a point where there’s just too much. There are some forums that I feel like, if I stayed there it would not help the healing process because you’re constantly getting bogged down by your emotions in a very heavy way. Yes, my heart hurts very deeply and no I don’t want to be around the uberperky. But at the same time there has to be some sort of balance.
I just feel very out of place in so many ways. It’ll take while to find a new equilibrium.
Yeah – very weird “cold” – had that, thought my teeth were all about to fall out of my head (and almost wished they would they hurt so bad!) and I don’t have sensitive teeth like you. My mom, sister and friends have had it too. Shortlived though – you should be back to normal sensitivity fairly quickly – day or two.
Not fitting in anywhere – pretty much sums it up. You’re a puzzle piece that looks like it should fit in a number of different puzzles and sometimes you smash it in a hole and it looks like it will fit and you look closer and nope, almost – almost, but not quite right. You’re right – it just takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin again.
Hugs.
When I’m tense I clench my jaw, and my teeth hurt in addition to my face. This happened for the first few months, and then again around the one year anniversary.
I was going to mention the same thing Tash did. It appears I am having that problem when I sleep too. Good times. I hope you feel better soon.
It’s interesting you say that about the stillbirth forums, I felt the same way. Too much sorrow and pain, I needed another outlet that was the happy medium between Denial Grief Barbie and Wallow Barbie. I think I have found it here in blog land.
After our loss, I perused a few forums and just never found the right fit. Our situation was so unique, it was hard finding anybody who completely understood our feelings. I decided to stick with blogging, because I have found more support in the blogosphere than I have found anywhere else on the Internet.
Devin is beautiful.
Natalie,
Devin’s picture is beautiful. I cannot begin to imagine the emotions you are going through. Just know that there are many people thinking about you.
Very very well said about the forums. Even though I haven’t had that sort of devastating loss, I feel the need for that balance too. I can’t handle too much babydust shit, but I also don’t like to wallow. That seems healthy to me.
I have sensitive teeth too.. sometimes worse than others. My dentist said it could be hormone dependent. I don’t eat caramel much either now. Very very sad. :(
Not that this is beneficial at all but I would be considered “one of those fertiles” but I like to think I at least have a grasp of how freaking lucky i am…I’m currently pg w/ twins for a couple (as a gestational surrogate) who have had a stillbirth and I just wanted to say, although well-meaning, the baby dust thing annoys the shit out of me…guess I’m just too much a cynic at heart…rooting for you here in GA
Have you tried sensodyne toothpaste? I hope that will help a little with the pain :)
I understand exactly how you feel about the ‘loss’ forums. After my parents died – I tried a few – but they were so heart-wrenching and they just kinda wallowed in the depth of the loss. Made it even harder to heal. I get where you are coming from on that. Hugs tight
Devin is beautiful. Truly beautiful.
ouch. Hope you feel better soon.
Devin is a beauty. What a nice picture.
I too can’t stand baby dust. Never could. So the forums are sooooo not for me. I hang with the bereaved moms on the blogs. Something about the longer form allows for a deeper and more complete connection. At least IMHO.
I have the same cold you’re describing. It sucks.
I just wanted to say that I think the pic of Devin is really beautiful. He was a good looking baby!
I haven’t been reading in the last couple weeks (took a blog break after my own IVF failure)… but started reading/writing again. I am so sorry for your loss – and I wish I knew something to say…but I don’t, and there isn’t anything to say. I think all the writing that you’re doing seems to be helping a little though…don’t you think?