4 Weeks
Dearest Baby Boy,
Today you would be 4 weeks old. I really can’t believe the time has gone by so fast, though it’s no wonder… so much of it has been a haze. Days are all fading into one another. Honestly I don’t like to think about how old you would be. It makes me think of what we should have had, and I really don’t like to think about that. I don’t like to sit and wonder what I’d be doing right now, what you would be like. I prefer to think of what I had. You’ll always be my sleeping baby boy to me, so small and perfect. You’ll always be that devilish little boy who kicked me from the inside and hid from everyone else.
If there was a heaven, I think you’d have stopped at the Rainbow Bridge to stay with Tessa. You would have been like your daddy and me, I’m sure, in love with doggies and wanting to stay where they are. I could see you two playing together, she’d have loved you and looked out for you. I was so sad when she died, knowing that you’d never get to meet her. Little did I know.
Last Sunday your daddy and I went to the lawn & garden store and picked out your tree, a Danube Cherry Tree. Today I went back to buy the dragon I saw there… I saw him and just fell in love, he reminded me of you. He’s going to guard the base of your tree beside your memorial stone marker (which we haven’t picked out yet). This coming Sunday family is going to come over to help us plant the tree.
I’ve been editing photos and purchasing frames so that everything can be on display on Sunday. I have your photo and some of me with my big belly that I’m going to frame. I find myself just staring at the photos sometimes, remembering… especially my pregnancy photos. They represent such a happy time with you. So very happy.
I miss you every single day. Friends gave me a necklace with your name and birth stats on it, and I wear it constantly so you stay with me. We love you, baby boy. Sleep peacefully.
just beautiful, natalie.
the image of devin playing with your pup is too sweet and brought me to tears. I like to think of my little one playing with our pup too, I know she would be so gentle and protective of him. wishing you a lovely ceremony this weekend. ~luna
Such a sweet letter. Brought tears to my eyes.
Still praying for you and will be this coming Sunday.
Whether you wear the necklace (what a lovely gesture) or not, he will always be with you. Sounds like you have a wonderful memorial planned — I hope it brings you some comfort.
Beautiful letter to your little boy – the puppy and the tree and the dragon lovely images.
Wishes for a peaceful weekend.
You made me cry. What a beautiful letter to your son.
That’s such a sweet letter. And an adorable photo of your baby now on your blog–his little hands are so sweet.
Beautiful! You continue to amaze me with your words, strenght and courage.
Casting Crowns has this song that reminds me of you. The particular verse that reminds me of you is this:
“The gifts lie in wait in a room painted blue.
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon.
Hope fades in the night, the sky turns to grey.
As the little one slips away.
You’re holding their hand,
you’re straining for words.
You’re trying to make sense of it all.
They’re desperate for hope,
darkness clouding their view.
They’re looking to you.
Love them like Jesus. Carry them to Him.
His yoke is easy, His burden is light.
We don’t have the answers to all of life’s questions.
Just know that He loves them
And stays by their side.”
I don’t have answers for you, don’t know what to say but I want you to know that all of us who read your blog, even the ones who don’t comment, love you and your family, even though we’re strangers.
I lurk here everyday..and I heard a song on the radio today and thought of you..
Who you’d be today by Kenny Chesney
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can’t believe you’re gone
Chorus:
It ain’t fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today
Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy
Chorus
Today, Today, Today
Today, Today, Today
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I’ll see you again someday
Someday, Someday
Beautiful letter. I am sorry. I know it hurts so much. He will never be forgotten.
I don’t like to think about how old A would be either.
Beautiful letter.