Box arrived today while I was at work. Den’s first comment was, “What did you order this time??” I swore I hadn’t bought anything online recently. Then the lightbulb went off in my head and I knew what it must be – though they said it wouldn’t arrive until tomorrow. My meds are here! Syringes and vials and patches and vaginal supplements (those look fun) and a large sharps container. Apparently our co-pay is $98 for the meds (which is everything but the Follistim and the Vivelle patches). Since there’s no tacked on cost it appears we came in under our meds max this cycle, which is great news! I think I may call to find out just how much of that limit we used, just for future reference.

Not quite as overwhelming as I’d feared, and the whole thing still seems a little unreal. It really does. If you had asked me two years ago if I would have been okay with giving myself daily injections I would have said hell no! And yet here I am today, big box of syringes and meds, and it seems very matter-of-course.

Earlier today we had stopped by the clinic to pick up the other meds. We were given some – since most people around here have full coverages by their insurance, we’re kind of looked at as the poor couple who don’t due to our limited meds coverage, which I find very ironic considering that most of my friends online have NO coverage at all. But I guess the clinic gets people donating left-over meds, which they then give to those couples who are paying some out of pocket.

Unfortunately when I went through the big box ‘o meds from the pharmacy I realized they’d only ordered the other stuff, and forgot to order me a Follistim pen to go with the cartridges. Hmmm. So I’ll have to call the nurses to let them know and get that ordered (or can I call the pharmacy directly? I might just do that.)

Also in the mail today I got a copy of a letter that was sent to the RE from my insurance, “officially” authorizing “two (2) cycles of IVF”. Also authorizing the medications, which is good since I already got them.

I am going to be starting my Lupron injections on Thursday.

I also think I am going to have to call my Midwife to cancel the yearly physical I had scheduled for next friday, because since I don’t stop the BCP until the 6th there’s a very good chance I’ll still be on my period on the 11th for the appointment. That sucks. It’ll take a while to get re-scheduled too. All because my last period was late, messed up the schedule.

First I just want to give a little disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and I am not familiar with most of the studies cited by the doctors. Plus I was scribbling notes really really fast, so there is always a chance I could have screwed up my notes or simply misunderstood with the doctor was trying to say. I am going to try to look up several of the studies referenced during the conference, though, because I would love to see the full statistics. If I find them I’ll post them later.

Also please note that this typed-up version of my notes is not necessarily in the order I got it all in. Some of the topics were indeed stand-alone lectures, but many of the lectures overlapped and I don’t want to be writing out the same thing three times. So I’ve grouped info together for your and my benefit. I’ve tried to reference specific doctors when I have it written down in my notes.

More…

I finally figured out how to add Blogger blogs to my RSS reader. This makes me very, very happy – now maybe I can keep up with everyone better!

Also, I have put all my blog links into categories for easy surfing. Although a few of them make me scratch my head… when someone is dealing with secondary infertility do they go under infertility? Or baby? Or maybe I should make another category for them? Hrmmm.

We did it!! I came out to the living room and asked Den if he had a few minutes. He stared at me completely blankly. “For what?” I had to tell him. He immediately turned into Mr. Helpful. I grabbed the vial of Lupron from the fridge, he opened up a needle package and got an alchohol wipe ready. I read the dosage out as he wiped the top of the vial and the spot on my stomach I picked. Then he drew up the amount of liquid we needed for one dose (10 units; .1ml). I sat down, pinched my stomach, and he asked, “Are you ready?” In it went.

And you know what? I barely felt a thing! Yes, I know, I’ve had two trigger shots before – but I had forgotten and started to worry again. But nope… not a thing! I admitted that I stung a heck of a lot more on Monday when one of the cats at work scratched my hand (not an unusual occurrence – and those buggers have sharp claws). I did have a little drop of blood form after the needle was pulled out, but a gauze quickly staunched that no problems.

Den was fabulous. He did say I was over-analysing the instructions (“Yes, that’s what it says on the prescription label and what I just read online in injection instructions, but let me check the leaflet that came with the lupron, just to be sure…”), but he handled the syringe expertly and did a fabulous job.

Unfortunately I’ve totally forgotten when I need to take the baby aspirin and the doxycyclin (antibiotics). I’ll have to call the nurse tomorrow. I try so hard to keep organized, but wow this is a lot of info to keep track of.

I don’t think my brain has caught up yet. I’m giving myself injections (well, one so far) and I have a huge box of meds and I have calendars up the wazoo to make sure I don’t forget one of the thousand little things I have to remember this cycle, I have nurses on speed dial and doctor’s appointments looming… and none of it seems to have sunk in. I even spend some of my time chatting with people about IVF and explaining what we’re going through. It’s like I’ve done so much research on this and I’m talking about statistics and theories and medical terminology and even friends I know. I don’t have much of a sense of “me” yet.

Sometimes I listen to others talk about their IVF experience in the here-and-now… the emotional turmoil. And then I feel a little guilty because here I am sitting here licking a lollypop. “Yep, gettin’ shots! Egg and sperm! Gonna get me pregnant! Wheee, how fun!” I know a lot of it comes from this being my first IVF cycle and haven’t yet been filled with cynicism and frustration – and trust me, I’m happy to be avoiding that at this point, I’ve had enough of that with other things. But a part of me wonders if I shouldn’t be connecting more with the whole experience.

I’m not sure which is better. I feel very calm about the whole thing as it is. The IVF minutea has become my obsession. It’s like I’ve pushed the “baby” part of the equation into a back closet for a while. I’ll let it out later… much later. Getting pregnant, at this stage, seems like some foreign concept. It’ll happen “someday,” hopefully, maybe. When I see pregnant people, instead of feeling that stab of jealousy that I was feeling so often before, now it’s just a pleasant, fuzzy, Oh that’s nice. How sweet.

The whole experience seems very surreal. Five minutes after getting my injection I was checking my stomach for a mark. (There isn’t one – first all I saw was my lap scar and thought Holy crap, what happened?! See – my brain is just struggling to stay caught up here.) I know I got an injection, I remember getting an injection. I also remember laying on that hospital bed before and after my lap surgery, IV in my hand, mouth dry as cotton. It’s just that the memories feel like they’re dreams, or something I read in a book.

If getting pregnant feels this weird… what’s it going to feel like to be pregnant??

Since I work with cats and have two of my own, I thought I’d pass on what I learned about Toxoplasmosis. (Toxo is what you could potentially catch from a kitty litter box – not harmful to adults, but dangerous to a fetus.) A few select people will try to tell you that cats aren’t safe to be around while pregnant and you need to get rid of your cat. That’s simply not true. (No animal is 100% safe with a baby, obviously, but that’s another issue!)

When it comes to being pregnant around cats the simplest way to avoid any problems is to get someone else to scoop the kitty litter box. And if you have no one else, use gloves. Also use gloves when gardening, as not everyone keeps their cats indoors and gardens are frequently seen as large, free kitty litter boxes for them.

Here’s some other factoids that might make you feel safer:

Cats get toxoplasmosis from eating raw meat… ie, rodents, birds. If your cats never get outside the chance of them getting it is pretty slim (unless you have mice in your house). They (and you) can also get toxo from raw meat from the butcher… this is the same reason they recommend eating all meat at least medium-well when you’re pregnant.

The parasite in a cat’s feces takes 24 hours to become infectious. So litter boxes are only dangerous if they aren’t scooped daily.

Cats will only be infectious for several weeks after the initial infection.

You get infected by ingesting it – ie, touching your face after touching feces.

What does this mean? If your cat has been indoor only for at least a few months, isn’t fed raw meat, and the litter boxes are scooped daily there is little to no risk. Of course most doctors will advise you to get someone else to scoop the boxes just in case.

In my case I’m going to not be touching the kitty litter boxes at work once I’m pregnant, since we do have new cats come in once in a while and their origins are sometimes unknown. Here at home I’m going to attempt to convince Den to scoop the boxes, but I can just see the whining coming from that one… we’ll see how it goes.

There is a bill in Congress called HR 735, Family Building Act of 2005. Here’s the details on it. You can read Julie’s excellent post about it on her blog A Little Pregnant.

This bill would mean that EVERY insurance carrier who covers obstetrics (pregnancies) to also cover infertility treatments. This coverage would be for those who cannot get pregnant as well as those who have had multiple miscarriages.

Coverage would include 4 complete egg retrievals, unless a live birth resulted from one, then 2 more in addition to whatever was needed to get pregnant the first time (lifetime max of 6). It would include IVF, GIFT, ZIFT, cryopreservation, egg or embryo donation, and surrogacy.

The best way to show your support is to write to your representative and ask them to support this bill. Letters written on paper, in your own words, get the most notice. You can call them and ask them in person, too! To find your rep and their contact info, click here.

RESOLVE also has a form letter you can easily send from their website to your representative.

I’m telling everyone I know about this bill and asking them to write in. I’m drafting my letter today.

I have been attempting – and I mean this very lightly – to start exercising a little bit. The past two days I’ve taken one of the dogs for a bike ride. Granted I’m sticking to their pace because I certainly don’t want to overwork them (and apparently I’m not, because they’re still hyper the rest of the day), so I am not getting much of a workout myself. Although my ass does feel rather bruised. I think I need better padding on my seat. Hmph.

Part of the reason for this new motivation is my scale weighing me in at 143. That is, yet again, my highest weight ever… and I haven’t started stims yet so I can’t blame anything else. I fully admit it is 100% due to my behind being glued to the couch all day. What can I say, I hate being active.

Tonight was my last birth control pill. I really am not sure when I should expect AF to show, but I’m guessing about 2-3 days. I’m starting to feel a little more jittery now – it’s getting closer and closer to the time of everything happening.

For my second injection two nights ago I was so bouyed by the first one being pain-free that I decided on a whim to do it myself. And I did! I did it myself! It stung a little bit more than when Den did the first one. And then unfortunately Den walked out to do my injection, I said, “I did it!!” and I swear to god his face fell. I felt so bad! He is taking this whole thing very seriously… ever since he found out he’d be giving me injections he made an effort to do injections at work and learn the proper way to do it and to take it on himself as his own “job” in all of this. I guess I forgot that. I made sure to point out the tiny red welt that I had managed to give myself. I don’t think it helped him feel better.

So I’ve decided to let him do my injections… both to make him feel more involved in this process, and because he does actually do it better.

However my left side of my tummy seems to dislike me. We’ve been alternating, because I read that’s what you’re supposed to do. First injection was on the right side – not a mark. Second injection, by me, on my left – had a red rash around it for about an hour, and left a tiny red bump. Third injection, right side, nothing at all. Fourth injection – tonight – by Den, and it had that red rash around it again. Hmm, very odd. Why does my left side dislike me so?

The insulin needles, they aren’t very bad at all. They’re tiny little things. I’m still a little shocked that I’m handling this all as well as I am. I was the girl in grade 9 throwing a fit because she had to get a shot in school. (Granted that was in my arm, and I still don’t like those.) It’s all about the motivation, I guess.

I feel like a complete idiot for saying this, but my period will not be coming tomorrow. Tonight while chatting to den before bed I took my pills… and didn’t realize until hours later (just now) that I took a birth control pill. Which I wasn’t supposed to take. Stupid stupid!! This isn’t going to screw anything up…. well other than making me wait a day longer than I wanted to wait… but I feel like an idiot anyways. Pills are now hidden to prevent a repeat performance. (That’s what I get for having too many pills every day… celexa, prenatal, birth control. It becomes routine.)

I’ve been doing the Great Cloth Diaper Hunt. I am, needless to say, obsessed. Not that I actually think I’ll win anything… winning a prize is literally luck of the draw and I absolutely suck at anything that requires luck in lieu of skill. (Just look at this baby-making thing.) Though just today I realized that worst-case scenario would be NOT getting pregnant and then finding out I actually won a bunch of diapers.

I ordered more cloth pads. You know, for the period that’s going to be late. I’m ordering a little of this, a little of that. See what I like. Maybe sell the rest, not sure. I’ll still need pads after having a baby, that’s for sure. So far I’m not 100% happy with anything I’ve found online to purchase… I’m thinking of experimenting with some fabric myself. Just need to find some absorbant hemp to purchase. Hmmm. Might have to make a trip to the fabric store… and dust off the sewing machine. (And before you ask – yes, I can sew, LOL. I just don’t do it very often. I really should though.)

Now to see if I can sleep while feeling like a moron.

Me: *looking at baby fabric patterns* “For a boy, how do you feel about dinosaurs?”

Den: *half asleep* “I’d rather have a human.”

Moment of silence, then hysterical laughter. Totally caught me off-guard there.