For someone who used to refuse to take any medication, at all, I am now up to six – count ’em SIX – pills per day. Granted half of those are vitamins of one sort or another: my prenatal, the B-6, and the Expecta (DHA). I started taking the B-6 when I started the Unisom, as it was recommended that I take them together, but at this point I think I could scrap the B-6 and I wouldn’t notice a difference, it’s the Unisom that does it. But I figure there’s no harm in taking B-6 (my prenatal doesn’t have any in it), so I continue on.

So other than the vitamins there’s the Unisom, like I mentioned. Of course there’s my SSRI, which I’ve been on for years (though I will be asking them to possibly change which one I’m on, due to breastfeeding concerns). And now…. Colace.

Oh yes. I’ve been fighting it for weeks now, just waiting for my body to get back to normal. It’s not happening. The pregnancy hormones have changed things and I need a little help. So many of my pregnant friends have been singing the praises of Colace, so here’s hoping it does the trick.

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Baby is getting more active by the day, I swear. I can’t believe how often I’m feeling flutters now. It really makes me wonder if the reason I wasn’t feeling anything was because I didn’t recognize it. Now I know what it is, I’m noticing it a lot more frequently. Baby was awake last night when I woke up after those crazy dreams, and apparently this morning it’s awake again.

I really thought I’d be a bit more freaked out by the movement, at least briefly. I’ve been waiting and waiting for that, “OMG there’s an alien in my belly!!” moment, but it hasn’t happened. I thought for sure when I felt it kicking that I would have a momentary jolt with reality and it would feel “weird”. Instead it’s felt completely right. More right than I’ve ever felt before. How do I explain to relatives and friends who ask how I’m doing that, yes, I’m puking a lot still and not able to eat very great… but that I feel better than I ever have in my life? Yes, I have the oily skin, and the dry hair, the aches and pains… but it’s all part and parcel of this whole package and the good outweighs the bad by so much it’s not even funny.

Yesterday I was writing about my feelings on breastfeeding on a forum. I had a few realizations while I was writing, about my expectations going into this pregnancy and into motherhood and breastfeeding. And it’s funny for me to say that I always knew I would love being pregnant, because for most of my life I didn’t even think I’d have kids! Last night I was laying in bed wondering how much my expectations of pregnancy have affected how I feel right now. I hear people talk about labor and many times the opinions they have going into it are reflected by how they feel when they come out of it. There are a few who go in thinking it’s going to be horrible and come out saying it was easier than they thought. But you know what I mean. Walking into a situation with a firm belief that either, “This is going to suck!” or “This is going to be wonderful!” does have an impact on how you perceive what’s happening to you. So with this pregnancy, did my firmly held belief that pregnancy would be wonderful lead me to this place now? An interesting thought. Obviously having a belief that I would not have morning sickness did not help me avoid it or even give me a lighter version of it. But I bet it’s helped me see it in a different light, and to overlook it as an inconvenience. My experience of pregnancy does not center around my nausea.

When Den and I started IF treatments we did talk about how far we were willing to go and what treatments we were willing to consider. We both pretty much agreed that we were willing to do whatever invasive treatments we had to, for as long as we had to, in order to get pregnant. Den’s line in the sand was that we had to use his sperm to get pregnant – to him that is the ultimate. I was never sure how I’d feel about using donor eggs if it came down to it. But I knew I wanted to be the one to carry the pregnancy. Now that I’m pregnant I know the answer: I would not care if it were my eggs or someone else’s. It’s my child, either way.

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The alien is still kicking. I’m looking forward to it getting more noticeable, but at the same time I could see how it could get hard to sleep with someone awake in there! :D