Hubby and I just watched a show on TLC called Crazy Sexy Cancer. It was really… interesting. Inspiring. When she cried I wanted to cry too. Her foray into strange and alternative therapies looking for her cure reminded me a lot of the things we infertiles do in a desperate attempt to fix what’s wrong with us, when traditional medicine has failed us or simply doesn’t know what to do. At one point she says something about how doing nothing feels so terrible… there’s this need to do something, anything.

I highly recommend watching, if you get a chance to see it.

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The last couple of days have not been fabulous, at least in terms of feeling sick. And you know how it is… when your body feels off, it makes you really crabby about everything else, too. The mornings haven’t been great for me… an hour or two after I get up I’m feeling wretched and dashing to the sink/toilet/whatever’s close and heaving up my breakfast. Not so certain I’ll be eating much cereal anymore… didn’t work too well for settling my stomach. And unfortunately it’s continuing into the rest of the day off and on. I’ll be fine for hours at a stretch – or at least just slightly uncomfortable – and then there’ll be 15 minutes when I’m trying to puke and can’t stop gagging and heaving. Then I’ll be okay again for another while.

The way I was feeling before, I was feeling nauseated at times, but eating quickly calmed it and let me go on my happy way. However now food is making me feel a little green as well. Just running through the list of available meals makes my stomach turn a little. “Ooo,” Den said today, pulling something from the freezer, “we can split a panini!” Which, I may have mentioned, I previously was liking very much. Not today. No, I wanted nothing to do with that panini. Perogies, however, were okay. Whatever.

Den is being really sweet (when he’s not cracking jokes, at least – one of his favorite pasttimes!). Like tonight, with the panini – it’s a tiny little thing, hardly a snack for him, and yet he was trying to get me to eat half of it. Before that he forced half a cookie into me, lol. When I started cooking the perogies and asked him how many he wanted he insisted that he’d eat whatever I didn’t eat, that I should eat all that I could.

And he’s very sweet in other ways too. I feel so very lucky that my husband is a snuggler like I am. Because, I have to admit, there has been no hanky-panky going on in the bedroom or anywhere else in quite a while now. I think a lot of husbands would get cranky about that. But mine… he hugs me and kisses me and cuddles me and rubs my back and tummy. I feel so loved. I feel so happy.

Tired, too. I haven’t been sleeping very well lately, and that’s making me feel very exhausted (and whiny, and bitchy) in the mornings. The sleep thing is partially because I’m so tired when I get home from work that I’m napping, and partially because it doesn’t matter how tired I am all day, late evening I suddenly wake up and want to read and talk for hours. (Den doesn’t so much appreciate the chatter at 11pm.) I’m finally getting tired again now, at 12:30, though my stomach might keep me up a while longer.

Yes, the stomach pain. I sure am hoping this is not another one of those giant painful gas balls forming, but it’s very uncomfortable. My stomach feels bloated and tender. I took Maalox, so we’ll see how that goes. I’d really like to get some sleep now…