My day took a somewhat turn for the worse.
“And then out of the corner of my eye I saw water creeping out from under the washer. ‘Water!’ I said. ‘Something’s leaking!!’ … Den tilted the machine back so I could see underneath… and sure enough water is pouring out from the bottom of the washer.”

The good news: Our brand new front loader washer and dryer arrived two days ago! They’re beautiful!

The bad news: Our washer is defective and flooded our kitchen.

More good news: Repairs/replacement is fully covered by warranty.

More bad news: The repair place isn’t even open until monday.

So. Yay?

Other than that I’m just glad it’s Friday. Of course I got a call from a client today saying that something still isn’t working and of course I need to fix it ASAP, plus I still have other projects that need to get done very soon, so I’m not really sure how much relaxation I’m going to get this weekend. But Monday we are going to Six Flags damnit. Come hell or, well, flooding already happened. But I am going to Six Flags and I am going to ride the coasters and I am not going to think about work or how I’m still not effing pregnant yet all day.

Or, I won’t think about it at least until I get home, when I need to take my first lupron shot. Somewhat exciting. Somewhat.

I mentioned in a previous post about how I’ve changed from “I’ll be pregnant soon” to “Not like I’m going to get pregnant anytime soon.” Along with that change in perspective has come another one:

Seeing pregnant people or women with small babies used to just make me sad in a wistful kind of way. Hearing about pregnancies and friends’ babies used to not bother me. Getting unexpected news was hard, but I could fully participate in the rest of it.

I no longer feel able to cope right now. I no longer just feel “sad” – I feel angry and empty. Instead of a warm wistful feeling when I pass by a pregnant woman in a store I get a very cold lump in my stomach. I actually feel myself emotionally shutting down inside. And, sadly enough, I feel like right now I’m just not really able to participate emotionally with my pregnant and parenting friends. I’m lurking, but sometimes even that I can’t do. Even fellow stirrup queens. And I know it’s normal, and I know it’s “okay” to have to withdraw for a little while. I don’t like feeling like this though.

I’m okay with the Baby Blogorama stuff though…. mainly because I feel like it’s a job, and I’m so focussed on the code and the lists and the data it’s okay. I put myself in working mode and it’s fine. I don’t have to emotionally connect. (I should emotionally connect, but I don’t have to, and right now I just can’t.)

Or maybe I’m just feeling extra cranky tonight.