You know, ever since we found out about our failed cycle the one thing I was looking forward to was our trip to Six Flags. It was my “I’m not pregnant so I’m going to ride roller coasters” trip. I was really REALLY looking forward to it. I can’t emphasise that enough.

So then yesterday Den mentions we’re going to Six Flags on Monday. Someone points out the weather forcast: thunderstorms all day. We wake up and check the weather… yep, forcasted thunderstorms all day. I was so upset. We decided to see a movie instead.

We walked out of the movie to BLUE sky. Beautiful, beautiful day. I was… well. I was upset, to say the least. I was so angry that not only did we cancel our plans, the one thing I really was looking forward to, but it didn’t even fucking rain!! If we had gone it would have been a GREAT day, weather-wise. And that was just simply too much for me to take.

I cried, snot-nosed and everything, all the way home from the theatre. I tried holding it together as best I could. Soon as I got in the door at home I sobbed for a half an hour or so.

It makes me so frustrated. I felt mostly better afterwards, able to at least start going through paperwork and clearing off my deskspace (though not well enough to do any client work), but now I have a wicked sinus headache and I feel like a bit of an idiot. I mean, it’s not like we can never go again. Taking a day off work isn’t a huge deal for me – or Den for that matter – so we’ll probably go next week or the week after. The situation certainly did not warrant the kind of breakdown I displayed. I don’t like feeling like that. It brings back all kinds of very bad memories from before I went on my medication for my depression.

I certainly expected to be upset over the failure of our first cycle… I didn’t expect to be this upset for this long, however.