Today has been not a great day in terms of my emotional stability. The last few days I’ve been so busy, so positive and upbeat. I was dead exhausted, but it was a good kind of exhaustion. Today I woke up from a long sleep (catching up on what I missed) to rain and a very dull mood. Trying to get caught up on bills just stressed me out. Then I found cat diarrhea on our new carpet and spent half an hour frantically trying to get the stain out. By the time Den showed up with take out for one – he had phoned several times to find out if I wanted something, but apparently I never heard the damn phone – I was about ready to cry. And for no good reason! I feel like if my body isn’t busy, then my mind is. I’m 99% sure today’s anxiety was thanks to the rain though. I swear, when we got that stretch of sunny, warm weather I felt like a different person. I was in a perpetual good mood. I wake up to rain and spend the day fending off tears for no reason. I just can’t see that as coincidence.

The conference is on sunday. I’m a little nervous about that… not in a bad way, but just in a typical doing something I’ve never done before kind of way. Injections start in one week, I’m also a little nervous about that. I have projects to work on and bills that need to get paid and the kitchen needs to get finished and I’m feeling overwhelmed. Where’s the “slow” button? I feel like pulling on the brakes to set everything in order. I’m one of those people who will spend 3 times as long getting something “properly organized” than it would to just do it in the first place. But when I’m feeling overwhelmed… that’s my first response… to “put things in order”. Even if it’s really quite meaningless. (I tend to make a lot of lists… categorize things… heck just writing them down helps me feel more in control of the situation. It means it’s less likely I’ll forget it.)

For a while now I’ve had this plan to go somewhere (Vermont…. ooo, so far away!) on our anniversary. Spend two nights in a B&B and just be alone and take in the sights and stuff. We budgetted $500 for it (but it’ll end up costing more, as we need to kennel the dogs, and that’s not cheap). Unfortunately now that it’s getting closer (our anniversary is in July) I’m thinking of majorly downsizing our “trip” into maybe just one night away in a cheapish hotel. Something “away”, but not so expensive. I want to put the money towards the baby… or home renos. :( Gosh things get expensive… everything does. I’m only working part-time. I need to be doing something more to bring in some more cash. The extra hours I put in this week earned me a little bonus, which is going to help us finish the kitchen up.

I just feel like we need to be doing more to prepare for a baby. We’re not pregnant NOW, but we’ve been hoping and trying to get pregnant. I know nature gives you 9 months to prepare, but in my crazy-arse brain that doesn’t seem nearly long enough to get everything ready on time.