I’m feeling very frustrated today. Frustrated by the waiting. I’m so tired of the waiting.

On one of my forums I got a free reading from an aura reader. Now I am athiestic/agnostic – so I’m really not sold on the whole idea. But there is a part of me that still holds onto the idea of forces beyond what we can see. So in any case, the reading was simple – I asked what she saw for future children, and when they would come. Her answer is that she sees a daughter being born in 2009 and a son born in late 2010/early 2011. And it was disappointing… because I was really hoping to find something – even if it was artificial – to give me some extra strength through the next few months. If I know it’s going to happen soon it makes it easier to get through. But 2009? That means we won’t conceive until 2008. Over a year away. And that does not make me feel better at all. (I am, however, very pleased to hear the first will be a girl, the second a boy. That’s just what we want.)

So I know it’s completley silly, considering I don’t really buy into psychics, but it’s still been weighing on my mind today.

Plus I realize that I really really need to stay out of any type of debate forum. Whether it’s just for curiousity’s sake or not, I get way too riled up. I am simply far too opinionated to be able to read and not react emotionally. At least I’m managing to keep my posts nice and calm and very logical (thank god for some past experience in debating). I just posted what I think was a pretty thought-provoking post about abortion. And it’s an interesting topic, because while I do still have a gut-reaction to the topic I also can see and understand both sides. My goal is not to get people to change their minds… but to question why they believe what they do and to admit that it’s a grey area. I don’t like the polarizing that goes on. It’s too easy to forget that is a lot more to it than yes or no.

Anyways, in other news…

Yesterday I felt kind of sick by the time Den came to bed so I opted out of any kind of baby-making. I figured CD9 is a little early to worry about timing. But tonight I couldn’t let the opportunity slip away again. My OPK was very negative, though, and we know I won’t ovulate by CD12 (the day I would normally go in for my U/S), so it’s still too early to be concerned.

My RE appointment is next thursday. I’m looking forward to it. I think it will be a relief to get my protocol and decide when we’ll be starting IVF. I think I’m ready for that step – or at least will be if my injects cycle fails.