I am feeling really out of whack today. It’s like the feeling I get when I don’t take my medication, but I know I took it yesterday. I’m very anxious. That might have something to do with the dentist’s bill we just got, my present that just arrived (which I know was very expensive, a calculated expense but still it’s on my mind) and the stack of 100 christmas cards I am going to be mailing tomorrow. That’s going to cost a bit. I’m sure it’ll all be fine, we’re not in the poor house at all, but I guess it’s all getting to me. I just feel very anxious.

It’s also about that time of the month – with less than 2 days until my test date – that all my optimism vanishes and I start thinking that I was obviously on crack when I thought I was pregnant because there’s no way I am. Right? Right? Maybe it’s just my heart’s way of protecting itself. I’m scared to test. I’m going to, because I want to know – but it’s probably going to be another negative. Like every month. (I honestly just think that at this point my brain can’t wrap itself around the idea that it might actually be a positive some month.)