Where we go now
I have always wanted a kid with my blue eyes. I don’t know why I focus on this one thing, but I was constantly checking Kate’s eyes to see if they were going to stay grey/blue. Hubby has brown eyes so I knew it was more likely that any child of ours get brown eyes than blue, but still possible. It has been an interesting journey for the past 2 years, watching her eyes ever so slowly change. I’m pretty sure they’re not done changing yet. She most definitely does not have blue eyes – I don’t think she ever did, they were very grey as a newborn. They got a little green in them, and a little light brown. They shift with the light, so some days they look light brown, some days they look olive green, some days they’re very grey. I think they’re gorgeous. In a way I see it as a metaphor for the whole child-raising experience. You expect a, hope for b, and get s instead! The unexpected always throws me off, but it can turn out to be an amazing thing.
So far it’s looking like Ember’s will go brown, though I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. I will always wonder if maybe Devin would have been my blue eyed boy.
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Having two children has not been the huge life-altering disaster that some other people alluded to. It’s been pretty smooth in general, and I am extremely thankful that my toddler loves her new baby even 2 months later and that the baby is a pretty easy-going non-colicky child. I am aware that it could be so, so much worse. Actually my only complaint right now is Kate’s pushing boundaries which is of course totally normal 2 year old behavior and would be frustrating to deal with regardless of baby. (I deal with it mainly by taking a lot of deep breaths, reminders to myself that she is just figuring out her independence, and chocolate. For me. Lots of it.)
The trick that I have not figured out yet is how to manage two at once in public. I can take them both in the car just fine. I can take them to friends’ houses no problem. But a place like the playground? Kate wants me to help her on the swing and teeter-totter, plus she goes climbing up the biggest things she can find where she just doesn’t feel quite steady and needs my hand. Meanwhile it’s stupid hot and humid out, Ember doesn’t like being in the mei tai or sling, and she needs to nurse at the most inconvenient times. I feel like I either have to sit and take care of the baby’s needs (shade, nursing, sleeping in the stroller) and just watch Kate, or I lug Ember around helping Kate out. Today I settled for a little of both, and both left me feeling unsatisfied. Kate did manage to solve her problem for a little while, though; she walked right up to some random 8 or 9 year old girl, took her hand, and brought her wherever she needed help. Kate apparently has no problems making friends and getting them to do her bidding. It’s pretty funny, actually… she does it anytime she sees older girls.
Oh and Kate has apparently decided that she wants to ride in the stroller, which either leaves me carrying Ember in my arms while pushing the stroller, or Kate having a fit stomping her feet and refusing to walk while Ember’s in the stroller. I guess I need a double stroller sooner rather than later, because this is ridiculous. (And having Kate strapped in has definite benefits!) I really hope Ember starts to like babywearing very soon.
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It is hard for me to process that we are done with family-building. On one hand I’m excited to start getting rid of stuff as Ember outgrows it – things I don’t need to store in my basement anymore, yay! I am looking forward to a time when the girls are a little bit older and can play together, when we can do fun things as a family like go to Six Flags. I am amazed and excited to watch them grow and become little people all of their own, to watch their personalities come out and discover who they are going to be. There is so much in our future.
I have been in this world of fertility and pregnancy and babies for so long. I’ll never have to go through treatments again, never have to wonder if I’m going to miscarry or even get pregnant at all. But I’m also never going to get that heart-stopping moment of a positive pregnancy test, never have that big secret to tell the world; never feel a baby roll and kick, never anticipate another labor. I feel self-imposed pressure to try to take this all in, to document every single thing, to try to hang on to it. I’m going to be that woman sobbing over her baby growing up, I can see it now.
Parks are hard work. There was a few months there where I just couldn’t manage, but thankfully it is winter here so there was also the weather excuse! It is still hard, I find I can only go for 15 mins or so at a time. The annoying thing now is Juliet wants to be down on the ground crawling or toddling around, but EVERYTHING goes in her mouth which is not ideal when in a park! We do more visits to houses or have people here. just easier!
And yep, being done with baby making is hard, and I didn’t have half the struggles you did.
xo
Ugh, I had forgotten about the everything-in-the-mouth stage!!! Here I was looking forward to Ember sitting up on her own so I could just set her down. Bah. lol
I whole-heartedly agree with everything. Toddlerhood is challenging, as is baby making.
Amen.
Nat I still don’t like taking the girls to a large park by myself. I not a helicopter parent, but they have such different personalities, they never want to do the same thing. And Sam’s friend making is a bit scarey, she could just walk off with any new “friend”. I’m not knocking it but you never know who’s going to try to make friends with my trusting one. We go to the park next door when we can. I can sit in relative ease there, but I won’t ever take them to the beach park alone.
Just so you know, as soon as every one of mine hit 2.5 they then refused to ever get in the stroller again. I don’t think I would buy one. Teach her that it belongs to the baby only, OR make it hers for now and get a metal framed back pack for the baby (mine all rode in that until age 3-4) and loved seeing above the crowd.
2 year olds stay really challenging until about 4 1/2 when they become a little more reasonable. Make it a big deal for her to be the “big girl” and it might help some.
This age is a handful but when you have 2 teen girls–well, all I can say is rest up now. It was much more easy when I was the boss!
I never used a stroller with Kate when she was under a year old, she was always on my front in a carrier. But then she wanted to walk everywhere… but would run off on me. Now I really appreciate being able to strap her down! Plus sometimes I need to get somewhere (like through the mall) and oh is that child slow when I want to make speed. If I can find something that works for Ember being on me then I will totally skip the double stroller!!
Nat,you never know what the future may hold ;) I was most deffinately done after my daughter Amalia was born.After 2 kids,our family felt complete and I was DONE! I felt exited that I didnt have to worry about pregnancy and babies anymore too,but also sad that my baby making days were over ;) We talked to my OB about me having my tubes tied,but by law,I was too young back then (I was 21) so I went on the pill and just planned to have my tubes tied later on when I was considered old enough (30).
The funny thing is,at 29,I started getting wicked broody again,and I was so so releived that I didnt have anything permanent done ;)
At teh age of 30,9 years after Amalia,11 years after Ivan,and 13 months of TTC I had Noelia :) You may feel done now,and that feeling could last for years,but you are still REALLY young and that could change,so dont get nostalgic just yet..you never know ;)
Yeah, I’m not willing to do anything permanent at this point, I want the doors open. I’m young… but Den isn’t. So that does weigh into it. :/
What will you do with your last frozen egg you have?
We haven’t decided yet, but it looks like we’ll probably be donating it.
I can totally relate–there is a good chance our daughter will be our only child, due to the serious medical conditions I have that make pregnancy really high-risk. I live in the moment and relish every joy I can with her; at the same time I definitely put pressure on myself to document so much, to never forget a detail or take a moment for granted because it took so much to get here and this could be our one chance to live through these stages…
It’s a lot of stress to put on yourself. :( When Kate was a baby I knew I wanted another but didn’t know if it would ever happen, so I definitely felt like I had to hang on to everything. Now I’m doing the same thing again! I want to make sure the scrapbooks are all complete, the photos are numerous and documented, the milestones are jotted down, and more….
That’s a very beautiful thought to donate the frozen embryo. I myself know a lot of people who chickened out at last minute. Their thought was its very difficult to imagine having your own biological child being brought up by someone else. Believe me its considered to be one of the most difficult decision in any woman’s life. I read somewhere that there are around 400K frozen embryos siting in lab across the nation as couples find it hard to part with it or make some hard decision even after they completed their family.
Maybe someday technology will change and people will store just eggs instead of embryos with same success rate at the end making it easier to discard.