It’s amazing what a difference 10 years makes. 10 years ago I was a very quiet, very anxious, very uptight person. I was perfectionist, I didn’t know how to deal with change, and I had a very hard time letting go of things. Simple things, like going out for a meal… I wanted to plan where, when, what to eat, how the experience would go. Yes, I was frequently disappointed.

10 years later I feel like such a different person. I still have a perfectionist streak, oh yes, and I still get anxious over some things sometimes. But when I look at myself from an objective stance – especially in my role as mother to Kate – I realize that I’ve turned into a very mellow person. I think it’s partly due to the experiences I’ve been through and partly just time and growing older.

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“You’re one of my favorite people,” the Midwife said to me on Wednesday. “Some people I just want to sit and chat with. You project such calm.”

We had been chatting for a little bit after measuring my fundus and listening to the baby’s heartbeat when she randomly said this to me. It was so sweet and out of the blue. And I don’t even know this Midwife very well, I’ve only met her a handful of times through my three pregnancies. It’s interesting, though, because almost all of them know me, remember me – I’m sure in large part because of Devin.

I really love my Midwife practice. They are a large group, working directly out of a hospital (their office is in one of the hospital buildings). You would think they would be very busy and very medical-minded. But they’re not. I like almost all of the Midwives that I have met. They are all very mellow, both in personality and in terms of medical practices. They are supportive of natural birth, even though most of their patients do not opt for that path. They always seem relaxed during appointments, never rushed. I am so happy I switched back to them when I was pregnant with Kate (I had started with an OB, thinking I’d want a more medical approach after my loss… but it was not a good fit and I switched back).

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My weight has gone up around 21 lbs according to their scale. My blood pressure is still reading fairly normal, 110/70 – and that is high for me because Kate tried jumping off my lap in the middle of the blood pressure reading and I had to grab her, causing the machine much confusion. Fundus measures 31 inches. Baby’s heart was beating away – no surprise, since she had spent my entire drive to my appointment sticking her foot out just below my rib cage. (I love when she is active right before my appointments. It definitely helps prevent the anxiety from rising.) My blood tests from last time showered that I do not have gestation diabetes, so that is a good thing. I am, however, anemic again. I swear my bounce anemic and not every year. I was shocked at the start of this pregnancy when they told me my iron levels were within normal range! So back on iron pills I go.

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I was waiting in the exam room for longer than I like in a room full of stuff I don’t really want Kate touching. Kate is exploring different things in the room (the chairs, the paper on the exam table). She ends up over at the red trash can in the corner of the room and starts touching it. I sternly tell her NO, you don’t touch that. She giggled at me and slapped her hand on it. I said NO again. She kept slapping it repeatedly, giggling. I pulled her hand off, she laughed harder and dove back for it. So I thought for a moment and then turned around and stared at the opposite wall. She immediately piped up, “Mama? Mama?” I looked at her and said, “Yes?” and she slapped her hand on the garbage can lid again! So I again looked away, and this time when she called me I didn’t respond. She walked around the exam table I was sitting on so she was in my line of sight and again said, “Mama?” I looked at her and said, “Yes baby?” She ran back over and slapped the garbage can. So CLEARLY she was doing it just for my reaction. I continued ignoring her behavior completely and not responding to her. She tried a few more times and then sure enough got bored, gave up, and didn’t touch the garbage can for the rest of the appointment.

I am finding that unless I really really mean it, me pulling out the serious, unhappy mommy voice does nothing but cause Kate to laugh. Denis can do it and she listens. I clearly do not have that response. She’s still usually pretty good about listening in general, but there are times with certain objects that she keeps pushing to see how I will react. She gets a kick out of seeing me get frustrated. I find for small issues, like her touching the metal blinds in the exam room, I get a better response if I get down on her level and explain very calmly, “We don’t touch this. I don’t want you to break them. Let’s go play with this over here.” She stopped touching the blinds. There are times, like with the trash can, where she isn’t getting anything out of the experience except enjoyment watching my reaction – so I don’t give her any. Then there are times when she is so interested in something that she won’t listen to me at all and I have to do the time out on my lap thing. Thankfully that is very rare.

Lately I have been getting a lot of compliments from strangers on her behavior. She has just been so very good this week, super easy to take out for lunch or dinner, good in stores whether walking or in the stroller. Today at a restaurant I had to go to the salad bar and, being alone, I had no option but to take her with me. She told me the names of several different veggies she saw. And then she stood right by my legs while I put things on my plate (requiring two hands). I kept a close eye on her in case she decided to explore something (I do a lot of dashing after her, toddlers love to explore!) but I think she was fairly interested in the salad bar and the people nearby. When I was done she took my hand and we walked (well I walked, she hopped/stomped and pointed out the ceiling several times) back to our table. Then she sat happily next to me and ate some salad – she had shredded carrots, peas and broccoli with ranch dip. (I have realized recently that she’ll eat things at a restaurant that she would refuse at home.) She also had one mini turkey burger slider. I got to eat my meal fairly leisurely, though there was one incident of spilled milk that I had to clean up. And she narrated the meal and our surroundings the entire time: “Carrots! Mmm! Carrots! Ceiling? Light! E. X. I. T. Light! Ceiling! Water? Milk? Carrots!”