One of the hardest parts of pregnancy, the nausea, has been exacerbated considerably this time by Kate’s night-waking. When I first got pregnant she was still waking at least once a night, almost always right at 3am. I knew it was just habit, she woke every night to have a snack, then went right back to sleep. But I quickly got so tired and nauseated that I couldn’t handle getting out of bed every single night, so I decided to night-wean her. It went a lot easier than I expected, and 3 days later she slept through 3am. In fact she started sleeping right through the night! I have been very, very thankful for that through the rest of my first trimester, because man do I feel sick when I wake up on an empty stomach and have to go comfort a crying baby. Because of course the sleeping through only happens when she’s feeling good. She had a cold a couple of weeks ago, which caused pathetic sniffling and whining and crying at night, then when that was gone she was having her weird freak-outs at bedtime (but at least not waking up after that). I will nurse her if she’s upset or sick, but I try not to make a habit of it!

But of course as soon as I say something to Den about how happy I am she’s sleeping through and I can actually get a good night’s sleep, well, that’s when she wakes up at 1:30 and then 3 and now she’s watching TV at 4am because I couldn’t stop throwing up bile until I got some food in me. She’s in a perfectly happy mood, by the way. She just is absolutely not tired. Awesome.

Speaking of nursing, we just hit the 18 month milestone! Wow! This was my ultimate goal, and when I had planned to wean her to do IVF. It’s just such a handy tool, especially when she’s sick or hurting, or even just when she gets over worked up over something and can’t calm herself down. Often a cuddle is enough now. Sometimes though she wants to connect with the boob. I don’t mind that, though the frequent asking to nurse during the day can get a little old sometimes. I’m pretty sure my milk supply is very low, she doesn’t really drink during the day, it’s more like she nurses just for fun for a few seconds. But the best part is that after those few seconds she looks up at me and softly tells me some important secret in toddler-ese “Pah peh lop buh,” and then lays her head on my chest and hugs me tight. I think the first thing in the morning nursing is my favorite, though. I bring her into our bed and cuddle her and nurse her, it’s the only time she really settles in and actually really nurses for a few minutes. I kiss the top of her head and rub her back and just sigh. She’s so big and yet still a baby in so many ways. I have no real plans for how nursing continues. She may decide to wean when my milk changes as I progress through the pregnancy. I may get uncomfortable enough that I want to wean her, right now my nipples are definitely more sensitive (they used to be completely numb), but not too bad. Or maybe she’ll continue, I don’t know.

Hormones are definitely shifting (or shifted?). My hair and face have finally stopped being oily messes and I can now somewhat keep on top of it. I don’t remember it being gross like that, I actually remember my hair being thick and shiny and my face clearing up. So what the heck? My third pregnancy changes all the rules? Not cool, pregnancy, not cool. I’m still cold all the damn time, like I normally am, and I’m really looking forward to that extra heat a fetus brings with it later – being pregnant through winter has its benefits. I’m fully in maternity pants now (or stretched out yoga pants from previous pregnancies), but maternity shirts just look silly and poofy on me. I prefer my normal long-sleeved shirts that are tight enough to show the bump, which is of course still growing. I can feel my uterus coming up out of my pelvis now, which is neat. For the past several weeks I haven’t had to pee all the time like I was, so I think it’s lifted off my bladder a bit.

I can feel the baby move a bit in the evening when I lay in bed. It usually takes a while, but if I’m there long enough I’ll feel some taps and maybe a wiggle or two. I tried laying my hand on the spot to see if I could feel it at all from the outside but apparently this one refuses to move while my hand is there. It could just be coincidence, but I wonder if this one will have a personality more like Devin’s, hiding when other people are “watching.” Kate used to kick harder when I touched my belly, even from very early on.

Alright time to try getting the kiddo back to bed. I need some sleep.