Yesterday was a day that ran just a little too long. Nausea and insomnia the night before had held me captive, not allowing for much sleep to be had. Kate was in a good mood all day, thankfully, but I was just too thin after a long day spent trying to occupy her and keep her happy. It was a day when I count down to bedtime. Three more hours. Two more hours. One. Bedtime! All I could think about was sagging into bed to read my book. Simple, but desperately needed.

And so of course fate should dictate that when I gratefully lowered Kate into her crib and left the room with a large sigh of relief a loud wail started. She doesn’t normally make any fuss at bedtime. I ignored it for a few minutes but shortly couldn’t do anything at all without my head aching with the very loud, unpleasant sound.

I went and got her up. Her face was red and tear-streaked. It took a while before she would let me put her down. When she was distracted by her dad and the tv I slunk away, leaving them to fend for themselves. I was just done and knew it.

I read my book in bed… for a brief while. My eyes closed. I fell asleep in the middle of a sentence. Just laid my head down and closed my eyes and couldn’t find within me the strength to open them again.

Den apparently fed her again and then put her back to bed, this time without complaint. He came to bed shortly after, quite surprised to find my face-first in my pillow, kindle next to my hand.

Now of course it is after midnight and I woke first having just to pee. But then the nausea settled in, worms squirming in my belly, gag reflex twitching helplessly. I may need to get up to eat something more substantial than crackers – not sure how else I am going to get any sleep. Or maybe I might get up to puke. Right now that seems a distinct possibility.