I am sitting in bed with my laptop, writing. This is my zen space, my comfort nook. I have only attempted it a handful of times since Kate was born, right around the time when she needed to have me within arms reach to nap, and would still sleep if I was playing with something electronic that lit up. That was a very small window. Even once she was sleeping in her room she would wake frequently enough that I never even considered settling in with my laptop in the bedroom. Why bother if I was going to have to get up five times. It takes me 15 minutes just to get the blankets folded correctly. (I wish I was joking.)

So tonight when Den suggested bringing the laptop in the bedroom to hang out together while he read I had no excuse. I set myself up, nestled in to the pillows, and let out a large sigh of contentment.

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I have a toddler walking around my house. I’m not exactly sure where this creature came from – the word is it grew from the baby I brought home from the hospital – but it lives here now.

She speaks in gibberish that sounds eerily like English. She mimics word sounds and motions. When I show her something she stares intently and then grins at me, like it’s a big secret she was just let in on. She climbs toys and furniture, she steps over obstacles and ducks under tables. She squats to study and play with objects on the floor.

I find myself talking a lot more than I ever did before, now that it seems like she’s really comprehending things. I explain and narrate and ask and answer questions. I flip through her book and point. “Green! Green leaf! Green. Which block is green? Here’s the green block! Yay!” She claps and takes it out of my hand and taps it on the book. Maybe she’s getting it, I think to myself. Then she flings the blocks in all directions and flips the book upside down. Or maybe not yet.

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I find it very interesting to watch Kate’s personality develop. She certainly still has a very strong personality. She’s a confident baby and knows what she wants and how to get it. She has no qualms about walking up to every person in a room to grin at them. She walks up to other babies and takes their toys or pacis. She points and touches and attempts to grab clothes. But it’s always on her terms; she will back away from a child getting in her face and push away anyone trying to touch or hold her. She doesn’t cry or get upset, just backs up and walks in the opposite direction.

She’s definitely a thrill-loving baby. She laughs when we toss her in the air or pretend to drop her. She finds it hysterical when we jump out and shout “Boo!” She loves being spun in circles until she’s dizzy. Today I took her down a big-kid slide and she seemed to find that amusing, too.

She’s not fearless, though. She doesn’t bulldoze objects or run off ledges. She’s very methodical about picking her way through obstacles or off objects. If she’s stuck and can’t figure out how to get to where she wants to go she’ll cry for help.

She does seem to be developing into a bit of a prissy personality when it comes to some things. Taking her outside was kind of hilarious, actually. The first few times on grass she was not happy, holding her hands in the air away from the weird dirty grass. She did end up picking at the grass with her thumb and forefinger, pulling the grass blades apart one by one. Then she started trying to walk on the grass and that was rough. It’s bumpy so she loses her balance frequently, which frustrates her anyways. But then to land on the dirty prickly grass with her hands? Oh the horror. She always ends up standing up, holding her hands up over her head, and crying. Not hysterical upset tears, but “This is bullshit, come get me!!” crying. We had her first experience with sand today, and again she’s very reserved about it, though she was picking up handfuls and letting go, experimenting with it. She’s very dainty in how she handles things.

She’s pretty good about following directions and limitations. Our kitchen is half unfinished, not really baby-friendly. Half is linoleum and cabinets, the unfinished half has an area rug down on the floor. I let her on the area rug because the fridge is next to it and she loves to sit and play with her fridge magnets, but she’s not to go off the rug onto the unfinished parts. The cat box is there, the cat food, shoes, other random things. She rarely steps off of that rug. She’ll watch the cats eating a few feet away and wander up to the edge, but she seems to understand the line in the sand. If she keeps going I say, “Kate, no-no.” Most of the time she turns around and comes back into the “safe” zone. Not every time, but most of the time. She also generally stays away from the trash can in the kitchen, though she’ll lift the lid now and then. Again a, “No-no, come play with this!” is usually enough to redirect her. But of course her ability to follow directions is limited by how valuable something is to her. The bathroom trash can, for instance, apparently has a very high value and she will not stop trying to get into it no matter what I say. So I pee really quickly and keep the door closed the rest of the time.

I find with a toddler, as with pets, it’s a balance of removing temptation, setting limits, and letting them explore. No one wants to spend the entire day correcting a child every time they do anything – that’s no fun for them or us. So we use baby gates and closed doors to keep her from unsafe areas and remove things. Other not-baby-items I’m okay with her playing with as long as she is gentle. My computer printer is on the floor and she loves to push the buttons and turn it on and off. I just keep it not plugged into my computer so she doesn’t do anything weird. She likes to carry around laundry and sometimes pull things (plastic storage containers, baby food jars, cracker boxes) out of kitchen cupboards. She has had great fun with the large manilla envelopes I had in the corner. I put my good books out of reach but left out one or two that I never liked anyways so she could play with the pages. (Yes, one got ripped out. But just one.)

Unfortunately her reach is getting longer. Just the other day I looked at her standing on her tippy-toes, reaching up for the remote controls that we stash on top of the cabinet and noticed her fingers are now actually touching the remotes. Shit. We’re going to need higher shelves.