Two hours after being put to bed Kate coughed a few times. I clearly heard her whining and coughing – one or two coughs she might do asleep, but after several pauses and then another cough and whine I knew she had to be awake. I put down my kindle, got out of bed, put on my pants, and then stopped. There was no more whining. I gingerly crawled back onto my bed and waited. She’d put herself back to sleep.

As I talked with my mother on the phone tonight, mentioning off-hand how Kate was in bed and we were reading, how she’s been sleeping pretty well in the evenings and we’ve been having time to ourselves without interruptions, I realized how good she really has been. I never had uninterrupted evenings unless I left the house. There were days when she slept a longer stretch, but they were rare and unpredictable. This past while she’s been going down easy at bed time and not waking back up every hour.

I have been sitting in bed, reading, for the past 3 hours. I have been sitting in bed reading for the past 3 hours. In quiet. I am relaxed. I think that was what really got to me, the tenseness, always knowing that her waking up was just around the corner. I couldn’t ever commit to anything, waiting for an interruption. Just handing over the responsibility to Den was like a huge weight lifted that I didn’t really realize I was carrying. Her sleeping well and not needing him constantly is even better. I feel so relieved. (Of course it is now midnight so she will be waking in approximately 10 minutes.)

I actually feel like I have energy. Some of that is the cold getting out of my system, but some is catching up a little bit on sleep. And the sunshine recently, that always helps. I want to read, and write, and scrapbook, and plan my garden. I want to do things. I feel words bubbling out of me again.

Oh my poor garden. I was outside with Kate yesterday and happened to take a look at the garden for the first time in a while. Last year I didn’t touch it, I was so wrapped up in holding a newborn all the time and soaking up every inch of it. But the garden suffered. It’s overgrown with grass and weeds, my strawberries have apparently joined a race to take over as many beds as possible, there are leaves and mulch and dead plants wilted across the faded wooden bed frames. It’s all just very sad. At the very least I need to rake and pull out weeds before Kate’s party – I can’t let people see it like that.

I also noticed a fairly large depression, a hole, in one of my flower beds. Not some tunnel but a very large dish-shaped area where something has clearly been digging. I took a picture with my phone, muttering out loud as Kate looked on with an expression of bewilderment. Later that evening I told Den about this large hole, speculating that maybe something was nesting in my garden, something large was digging in my garden! Den looked at me and with a dry voice asked, “Like the dogs?”

I stared back at him. “Oh. Yes. Right.”