Maybe she’ll sleep when she’s 3
Apparently teething made my child very anxious about going to bed. It used to be a very simple, pleasant experience, involving laying down, nursing, and falling asleep to a lullaby. She now cries when I walk into the room with her. Putting her on the bed is guaranteed to make her really wail, which doesn’t cease until I uncover the boobs, whether or not she’s actually hungry. And then the falling asleep part, after the nursing and paci-placement, now involves a lot of grabbing for mommy. Clearly I am her security blanket, and also clearly she is very anxious – this is not the pain wail of actual teething, this is the, Noooo, I don’t want to! wail. I don’t mind the cuddling; I do mind the wails and kicking and back arching when I try to cuddle her – it puts me in a pretty sour mood to start the night off. She was doing so well before the teething… we were making progress, she was calm and would lay down and fall asleep with just some back patting. These constant setbacks make me want to scream.
I constantly wonder if I’m doing this wrong… or, no, that’s the wrong word. I don’t think there is a wrong. I wonder if I will regret my choices. That’s the worst part, the self-doubt. I wish there was some manual, some foresight: if I do X, Y will happen. But babies are all different.
And of course just when I think I’ve made up my mind, that something has to change, she falls asleep and sleeps just fine. I’m sitting here scratching my head. Why did it have to take 2 hours of refusing-to-sleep and a meltdown to accomplish this today? Yesterday she went to bed no problems and stayed asleep for 2 hours, then another 2 hours.
Didn’t I mention the waking every 2 hours at 10 months old is getting, well, old? This is by far the main reason she is still in bed next to me – at least then I don’t recall how often she wakes, it’s brief and doesn’t wake me. Having to get up out of bed every 2 hours in the middle of the night? Not cool. We do have a timeline for this: when (if) I get pregnant again, she will need be able to sleep at night without my constant attention. (Daddy will be the one being sent in at that point, and we all know how well they handle broken sleep.)
But I admit that I know I sleep better when she’s next to me. Apparently she has become my security blanket. I believe this is the main reason I haven’t tried any major change that might actually solve the sleep problem… I know that whatever I do is probably going to require consistently putting her in her own bed. I’m still not ready to commit to that. Which is fine. (I think.)
Clearly sleep is our Thing We Struggle With. Some people have problems with feeding; some with illness; some with meeting milestones. Ours? Just sleep. And if the sleep thing just isn’t “great” by anyone’s standards, I wish I at least believed in my decisions enough to say, “Fuck it, I’m doing the best I can.” But I don’t. And that sucks.
Sleep issues suck. V was (is?) a non-sleeper so I understand how frustrating it can be. You might not have that conviction, but I do for you. And I’m sure the support of a random Internet stranger makes all the difference. *g*
Chin up it gets better, it really, really does.
I have read your blog for awhile now and I just wanted to commend you on always doing what you feel is the best thing regardless of what others tell you is the right thing. With that being said I just wanted to tell you that both of my sons woke up at least every 2 hours to nurse when they were young. After they turned about 1, it slowed down to every 3 hours or so. Neither of them slept through the night until I weaned them (18 mths for one and 2 1/2 yrs for the second). As soon as they were totally weaned they both slept through the night totally on their own :) And they are both excellent sleepers now! So hang in there and feel confident that she WILL sleep through the night eventually, it might just take a little while.
Your situation reminds me a lot of this family: http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc
the cosleeping stuff is more towards the end of the video.
Just a word of support: Neither of my kids slept well AT ALL (my 2 1/2 year old still wakes up and my 6 year old did not sleep consistently through the night until he was 4). Hang in there, and just sleep with your precious daughter if that is what works for you. (I spend at least half the night on my 2 1/2 year old’s mattress and I figure at least we’re both getting sleep!) I really really doubt you will regret your choices — and you ARE doing great — you have a beautiful, active and healthy daughter who seems like she is thriving. In the grand scheme of things, the sleep thing is really just a blip (although believe me I know that it can be very frustrating at times and exhausting!)…eventually she will learn to fall asleep and stay asleep by herself. For us, we have let our kids lead that process and havent regretted it (although admittedly I would have liked more sleep for the past few years… :-) Good luck and hang in there — I’ve enjoyed reading your blog over the past few years, although have rarely commented.
Hate to tell ya, the self-doubt and second guessing never goes away. Next it will be discipline. Welcome to parenthood. Sleep was our biggest thing too. And I’m still sensitive about it. It makes me fear having another. I’ll say this…after we used the Sleep Lady Shuffle to get her to sleep on her own, by herself, in her own bed, even the teething didn’t cause much of a disturbance (or illness). I know every baby is different, so the same may not apply with Kate. Once ours learned how to go to sleep without any help from anyone ( at 11 months), she managed all other sleep disturbances, milestones, teething, discomfort better.
Yup…I have one of those too. I hated the Crying it out period. My kid cried for 2 and a half hours the first night (then woke repeatedly throughout the night) 3 hours the second night (then woke repeatedly thoughtout the night) and on the third night(when all the books SWORE it would start to get better) I went in and got her at the 3 and a half hour mark.
She didn’t sleep through the night for more than one or two nights at a time until she was 3. And even now it’s still hit or miss.
And I also felt the whole “I am not teaching her, I am punishing her” thing. I hated it.
Anyhow, just stopping by on the recommendation of Ms. Pieces of Me.
-Selena