The one that matters
I have awesome readers/commenters. Just saying. You are all awesome.
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My cold/sinus thing has still not gone away, but my voice has. I can speak in gravelly tones, but nothing normal and certainly nothing high. Not only is this frustrating in general, but I notice that Kate isn’t responding to me. We usually shriek at each other and she squeals at my silliness… but she has no interest in this frog voice of mine. It’s depressing.
Last night I just couldn’t stop coughing, I woke everyone up with it. Kate started playing with toys and Den grumbled and growled. I ended up moving Kate and I to her room so he could get some sleep. We played quietly in the dark until she got sleepy and I figured it was time to attempt laying down again. Days aren’t so bad anymore, I think I’m on the way out of this… but the drainage and coughing and unable to breathe at night is just killing me.
On the good side, despite my concerns Kate has not gotten this cold. Apparently the immunities from my breastmilk are hard at work.
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Kate’s sleep continues to improve. My commenters had some good ideas and had me thinking things over and I had a lightbulb moment. We’ve been stuck inside much much more than usual lately, from snow storms and then with me getting sick. It’s not that she was napping too much – she still needs all that sleep – it’s that she wasn’t being active enough while awake. I’ve made an effort the last few days to get out, even though I still feel rather like dog poo, even if it’s just to the store to walk around. When we’re out she whines less, goes longer between naps, and she’s sleeping WAY better at night. Way, WAY better. She still wakes frequently, but it’s not restlessly, not fighting me. She wakes briefly, nurses, falls right back asleep. This I can handle. (Plus I’m not sure how much she’s waking up at night because of me coughing and snorting. I have a feeling it’s quite a bit.) I’m sure that wasn’t the whole problem, but it certainly was not helping.
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I really appreciate those rare occasions when I get to be around people who parent in a similar way. I feel like I do what’s right for Kate, but when everyone around you is telling you you’re screwing up your kid it’s hard not to have self-doubt floating around in there. (And no, they don’t say that outright… just a lot of the “You HAVE to…” or the eye-rolls or the warnings.) It’s just nice to be validated, I guess… to know that it’s okay. I think I’m getting more and more prickly about anyone who says you have to do something a specific way (safety issues like carseats notwithstanding). Food, sleep, toys, babywearing, on and on… I notice how different babies are.
For instance, I read so many AP books that I agreed with in general stating that babies should be carried facing in towards your body. All their reasoning made perfect sense. And when Kate was tired as an infant, she agreed with it. But when she was awake she wanted to be facing OUT. All their reasoning and warnings be damned, my child had apparently not read the book. There are breastfed babies who really do go 4 hours between feedings, and those like mine who want to eat every hour. There are nursed-to-sleep babies who sleep through the night at 3 weeks old… and those who just don’t. There are babies who really do need to be swaddled… and then babies who will throw the biggest fit in the world. Some babies really do need a schedule… some are totally cool with just going with the flow.
Kate, with her spirited personality, always made it very clear to us what we needed to do, and we learned very quickly that the baby being happy and content was the only thing that mattered. We just did it by instinct because there was hell to pay if we didn’t. But I think it’s taken me until now to really get it. Books and friends and family and even what you did last time… it’s all great to know, but in the end the person you need to listen to is the baby.
Ha! You hit the nail on the head. I breastfed all three of my boys. All three slept with us until they were ready to be in a crib–I let them dictate that. I wore/wear all three in an ergo baby carrier. Despite these things they’ve all done things on their own schedule. My now four year old drank breast milk till last year! (I put it in a cup). My now three year old STILL drinks it in a cup. My now 13 month old decided he hated the boob at 11 months. But when he was little he had to be forcefully removed from my boob!!! I nursed him to sleep from day one. Anyway–motherhood is a journey through unfamiliar territory. It’s new to each of us each time. Isn’t it great?
Hah, another forward facing baby here! As soon as Angus was old enough/strong enough, he liked to look out. I remember someone telling us we were doing it “wrong” at a farmers’ market one day, as we weren’t carrying him “heart to heart”. We just smiled and nodded. We use cloth, he’s fully breastfed, I make all his own food, we co-sleep (on and off) and we subscribe to the rest of this guy’s ideals, but you trip up on ONE little thing and someone has the nerve to pull you up on it. We were still wearing him!
I too just listen to Angus. Never bothered with strict routines here, but hey it (mostly) works for us and doesn’t directly impact anyone else. And I was hoping to feed him til he was two, but he appears to have weaned, as of yesterday (15 months exactly). Just goes to show I’m not really in charge here!
xo
It’s so good that you’re able to balance reading books for resources versus knowing what your child needs. I wish I could meet Kate (& you) – we sound like we have similar philosophies and kids with similar personalities, although my J is older.
Hi Nat… I stop in occassionally to see how things are but I don’t get to blogs as ofte as I used to. However, I wanted to comment on this post…
Do things the way that work best for you. Yes, keep safety in mind and you clearly do by reading all the info you can on issues like car seats and forward/rear facing issues. As a parent, I was one of those “you have to do it this way” and was a total stickler for doing things a certain way. I’m 44 now and raising my grandson who is now 15mos and I’ve pretty much broken every one of my own rules! LOL My kids NEVER slept in my bed (and I DO mean never) but my grandson has slept alone all of tw nights in his entire life! So… keep on keepin on. You’re clearly doing a great job! Much love!
Are you on FB? Look me up if you are (Kristi Morris Rush)
hi there, i found your blog following a link on someone else’s blog. i just read both of your birth stories and am in awe. i’m so sorry for the loss of your son, and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. i lost twins myself in 2008, and now have an almost-2-year-old daughter who keeps me on my toes.
i wanted to tell you, my daughter had some sleeping troubles around 6-8 months and i think you are doing exactly the right thing–listen to your baby, let her tell you (in her own way) what needs to be done. even if everyone around you says “that is wrong, that is not good for her” etc. YOU know best because she knows best, and you know her! do what you know is best and she will find her way to sleeping well.
reba
YES (to the end part, the forward facing.. all of it)
And then they get to this baffling toddler stage and start trying to “play” you a little bit for more play time instead of sleep etc, and I feel like I’m a new mother all over again! hahaha