Directions
I am pretty certain at this point that Kate has another (or the same?) ear infection. She had those few really bad nights where she just wouldn’t lay down – but they were interspersed with good nights so I thought it was situational. In the last couple of days, however, I’m noticing more behaviors that are just “off.” She’s fidgeting at night. She’s waking up crying instead of smiling. She’s crying when I change her diaper. All of those could be totally normal for other babies, but it’s just not normal for her. Something’s just not right… if it’s not an ear infection then possibly teething, or maybe “just a stage”… but I really want the doctor to check her ears. She has an appointment in a couple of hours.
It’s hard when you think there might be something more going on but are not totally sure. It screws up all the patterns you’ve gotten used to, and really makes your brain start going in ten different directions. Last night Den was watching Kate while I was out for a couple of hours and I came home to an utter disaster of a crying, overtired, refusing-to-sleep-for-daddy baby. So is that something that we need to work on, her not sleeping for daddy? Or was that because she’s miserable and fighting sleep because of the ears? She’s been crankier during the day so I start thinking maybe I need to actively put her down for naps on the bed and not go out so much… but is the cranky because of changing needs for naps, or the ears? I’ve pretty much written this week off and will have to make decisions and observations next week.
I also find myself feeling a little bit upset about the ear infection thing, and not just because she’s miserable and I don’t like seeing my baby cry. I’m angry that this little illness has messed up the past month. She is only this age once and I want to see my happy baby again, this isn’t who she normally is. So I feel like I’ve missed out on an entire week – more than that, this has been screwing around for the past month. It’s ridiculous, but I almost want to cry.
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Den and I have talked it over and have decided that I am going back to school.
I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Information Systems (basically computer programming) and I’ve always kind of had on my long-term view getting some fancy job as a programmer. And yet I always found myself making excuses, reasons why I couldn’t get a job, why I didn’t bother looking. I did freelancing here and there with web design and realized that’s definitely not for me either. I do love to program. I love code, I love details, I love problem-solving. But…
I find myself being pulled in a different direction. These past five years have been all about infertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, babies. I researched the hell out of all of these things, submerged myself in them. But more than that, I enjoy it. I am passionate about it. I could talk for hours about IVF and pregnancy – and not just the emotional patient aspect, but the medical details aspect. One of the sessions at the conference I am going to (in November! Yay!) is all about what happens in the IVF lab. I read that and squealed with delight. Oh! So exciting! So interesting!
Den has been gently encouraging me to follow this path, these interests, by taking courses in Biology. I resisted at first because, seriously? Biology? In high school when asked what my favorite classes were I could list off a bunch: Computers, Math, Physics, even Chemistry. Most disliked class? Biology, straight-up. I hated that class. Dissecting something? Oh my god no; I sat in the hall and cried while my lab partner did it. There was a lot of memorization (which I hate). Basically it was the furthest thing from my interests as could possibly be. I loved code, numbers, math.
It’s kind of strange to realize that I never ever would have chosen this path, found this passion, if it weren’t for everything we have gone through in the last five years. Our struggles have changed my life path in ways far beyond the obvious.
So now I’ve been accepted to the local college and I’m planning to take a 100-level biology class starting in January. We can’t afford more than one class a semester right now, and it will have to be an evening class so that Den can watch Kate while I’m in class, but I will be going back to school. I’m really excited. I loved college. I love getting new notebooks and organizing information and learning. I love taking on something new, especially a challenge to break down and tackle.
I’m still not 100% sure that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life, but over the next couple of years I’ll take some classes and see how it “fits” on me. With a biology degree I could work in embryology as a lab tech, or as a researcher, or… who knows what else is out there. Maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for.
Good Luck with the new direction and classes, I hope it inspires you to find a job in that field (whatever it may be when you decide) when you and your little one(s) are ready to full time work.
You all are in my thoughts as you deal with whatever is bugging Kate. I hope Kate doesn’t have chronic ear infections *hugs*
Long time reader, first time commenter here!
Best of luck with your new classes! I agree that is a great idea to get your feet wet with something new, and in fact how I ended up in the field I am in as well.
Also I am writing because both of my sons have had chronic ear infections. They both got PE tubes, one at 13 months and the other at 9. Get thee to a doctor! Depending on the strain she got the antibiotics may not have totally gotten rid of her infection. Our ped has a 2-week check after diagnosis and the meds are over, to make sure it has really gone away. I know what it is like to have kids sick and not themselves for months at a time, and it is not worth it. Your ped is working for you (and Kate), if she’s off take her in. Good luck!
ooohhh i love biology. :) it was my major.
sorry to hear about the ear infections! hope little one feels better soon!
First of all,I think your husband is amazing and totally awsome for supporting and encouraging you.Beleive me,coming from someone who´s husband wont even let me take a walk with my own sister (let alone work or study) I find that so applausable and I envy you :) You are so so lucky to be able to even think about doing those things,let alone have him on board with you..Id be exited too! lol
I wish you all the luck in the world with your studies :)
As for kate,I hope that the doctor found the problem and that she feels better real soon.Poor little thing :(
Hugs all around!! :)
I know you’ve probably looked in to all of your options but have you applied for federal student financial aid. I know this would be a second degree and you would have to take at least 6 credit hours at a time to qualify but it might be worth it if you decide you definitely want to go in another direction. Of course you may already know this and I might just be throwing out “assvice” but I thought it was worth a shot.
And ear infections and the fact that they mess over a schedule just plain suck.
I haven’t really looked into it *yet*, but it’s certainly on the radar if I do decide to pursue this degree! I have no idea what’s even out there, to be honest.
I Love learning too and BIOLOGY ROCKS! Can you tell I have a B.S. in Biology? (concentration Environmental Science) I love love love it. You ever have any questions or are frustrated, let me know. :)
All those IVFs and failures and research I have done during 7 years of waiting for baby Moesha, led me to a decision to become a birth and pospartum doula !!! Will start in couple of weeks with my first course !
Funny how parallel many things in our lives are! I’ve been an IT geek my entire working life but just the other day was talking to friends about how if I was to be starting over now I’d look at biotech/genetics/biology!
My little guy is a week younger than Kate (but was due on the 24th May!) and is very similar with his ears at the moment. About 10 days ago when checked we found he has fluid in his ears – but no infection (he’s had a cold off and on again the last month) He’s been ear pulling a lot – which may or may not be related, they are just discovering these body parts at the moment.
I’m sure you’ve seen your doc by now, but a few tidbits from my knowledge of ear stuff. Recent studies have shown little benefit to antibiotics in the absence of infection (ie. they won’t clear the fluid) It can take up to 6 weeks for fluid to drain naturally (we are going to go to the doc in a couple of weeks and will check if the fluid has gone then) Unfortunately, the ear tubes in babies are both narrow and more horizontal than in older children which can make drainage harder. We ended up getting grommets for my older son when he was 1, and it was the best thing we could’ve done.
However, the first thing I thought as I read your first couple of paragraphs was not ear infections but Wonder Week! Not sure if you’ve come across the concept of these development periods and the grizzliness and behaviour that can go with them, but our babes are spot on due for one and I’m fairly sure we’re experiencing it in our household at the moment.
This link may (or may not) make interesting reading:
http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=2312
Could the ear infections be from laying down to nurse all the time? I’d ask the doc that?
Congrats on going back to school!
Congratulations on going back to school! Doing it slowly, one or two evening classes at a time, is the way lots of older (or simply working) students do it. Good luck!!
Good luck in school! You will be great at whatever path you choose. Kate is getting so big and is totally beyond adorable….love those pics with the cat. Animal “torture” (if you have pets) is just another part of parenthood. My 2 dogs also love to be “pulverized” by my son. Sometimes they sit there and take it (seemingly enjoying every minute) and other times they prefer to hide under the bed. Too fun!