A gale force wind
Kate’s preferences continue to change on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis. They say about New England, “If you don’t like the weather just wait a few hours.” Babies are a lot like New England weather, I have found.
Her newest fun thing is that her tolerance level for where and when to sleep is diminishing. No more naps on my chest while I rock and watch TV. I either have to put her in the front carrier (Kozy or Beco) and walk her around, or put her to sleep on our bed. Those are the options. (She does still sleep in the car, but, as before, only so long as the car is moving.) I am very glad that I have a reliable option for when I am out, since she still needs to nap very frequently, especially when being extra stimulated. And since she is doing so well with naps on our bed I have taken to leaving her there and actually getting time to myself. She’s doing very well with that – I can even put her down, nurse and cuddle her until she’s right on the brink, and leave the room while her eyes are open and she falls asleep! It does take very precise timing, but just the fact that I can do it is exciting.
Unfortunately Den doesn’t use carriers very often and doesn’t have boobs. So when I went out last night and she got tired she utterly melted down. For three hours he had a very tired, whimpering, crying, flailing baby, and nothing he tried worked. Yikes. Tonight we pulled out the Beco, got it fitted to him, and confirmed that she will sleep in it for him. Now he just needs to learn how to get her into it without my help. But then, by the time I go out again her wishes will have changed.
I am so happy with how we are parenting her. There are so many different ways to do things, so many voices in your ear saying what you “should” do, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. We decided from the start that we wouldn’t follow a schedule, that we wouldn’t worry ourselves about what we “should” do or when she did them, that we would simply follow her lead. So far it has been so peaceful. Neither of us have ever been sleep deprived (though that is on larger part thanks to Kate’s pre-disposition), Kate is happy, we are happy. It feels very low-stress. It works for us.
I can’t imagine trying to breastfeed on some kind of arbitrary schedule. People ask how often she nurses and I just shrug. Sometimes it’s every three hours; sometimes it’s every half an hour. Not always convenient, but luckily I don’t have to worry about prepping anything. I love how carefree it is. I never worry about how many ounces or bottle sizes and nipple flows. When she needs more milk my body produces more; when she needs less I produce less. It just takes trust – trust that my body will do what it needs to do, trust that breastfeeding works. If only women approached breastfeeding like they do pregnancy! Few people (beyond those who have suffered a loss or other severe diagnosis) worry about how the baby gets its nutrients in-utero, they don’t need to manage the growth. It just happens. And yet when the baby is born suddenly they lose all faith in their body. And so many doctors and “support” people feed into it. It’s frustrating.
Kate brings me in touch with mother earth, with humanity. She’s teaching me so much about the world, and about myself. I needed it, this grounding.
I doubt Kate will ever really know or understand what she means to her father and I. I’m sure there will come a time when she slams her door and shouts that she never asked to be born. Maybe one day she will look down at her own child and know. But I hope she never has to go through what we did to get there. I hope she never truly knows what it is to feel this joy after so much pain.
I think you´re doing wonderfully,the non stress aproach is def a huge help ;)
When I had my first,I BF him too.But back then,I took all the wrong advice and failed miserably 6 months in.I kept him on a strict schedule because thats what everyone told me I should do,and apart from stressing,it just didnt work..he wanted to BF for comfort and during growth spurts he obviously wanted more time at the breast than I allowed myself to give him (stupid stupid advice I followed) :(
With my girls,I took the same aproach as you.They ate when hungry,slept when tired etc,and I found that they fell into a rutine alot faster than it would have ever taken me to come up with one :)
It does feel nice to just go with the flow and stop obsessing with the clock.This last time around with Noe was completely different,I never once controlled what the time was or how long she nursed because I felt like it didnt matter…and it didnt.
I agree with everything you said in this post and think that you´re doing a fantastic job..Kate always looks so happy and in your videos you both look so calm and serene.She´s an amazing baby and you´re an amazing mother <3
As a fellow IVFer, I figure if my kids ever say to me that they didn’t ask to be born, I will drag them to my IVF doctor and have him tell them about everything I’ve gone through to get them here! There’s a Bill Cosby joke, that when his kids are misbehaving he says to them, “I brought you into this world and I can take you back out!” I can tell mine that the doctor brought them into this world and HE’LL take them back out if they’re that ungrateful! (I’m also pretty sure I won’t actually have to worry about this with my kids, but it’s funny to think about.)
I am SO GLAD you are enjoying baby Kate!
Yay for listening to your child! Yet again, you are echoing my philosophy exactly. It makes life so much easier for both of you, and then when people tell you what a great child you have, you have to hold your tongue and not say “that’s because I listen to what she wants, you idiot”. But you will have your payoff then. And when she grows up, if you keep listening to her, maybe she won’t hate you. Who knows? I’m not there yet. :)
We also just followed our instincts and followed our son. He’s now a little over 2.5 years, and it’s worked so beautifully. Sleep is simply a nonissue around here. Because we cosleep (still do), I’ve honestly never felt sleep-deprived. My son is still nursing, and when he goes through one of those toddler bouts of not eating much of anything, he’ll still nurse. It’s a wonderful feeling to be so in harmony with your child!
I’m so glad everything is going so well for you!
I love the title followed by that picture of her hehehe
I have to say, reading about what you have been doing with Kate is definitely inspiring and something I’m filing away for “when we have kids”… it seems like moms who are so in sync with their babies do not have as many complaints about adjusting to motherhood as some different approaches. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t think any one approach is better than the other when it comes to parenting, but some things just speak to me louder than others =)
Kate may never truly know what she means to you and Den, but I have a feeling to she’ll know just how loved she really is, she is surrounded by it!