It’s really not that bad
I hope my last few posts didn’t come across as despondent, because honestly, it’s not that bad. Is it hard? Yes. But I have an amazing husband (who has not gone back to work yet, so he’s here full-time to do this parenting thing with me), I have a lovely daughter, and I’m just trying to figure the rest out. I do want to make sure I write it all down, though… I want to remember all of this, even the hard bits. I promise to post lots of gushy bits, too… they come pretty much in equal measure.
Yesterday I made my first purchase off of craig’s list. I figured that since Katherine loves (LOVES!) her baby papasan swing so much that it would be good to try the baby papasan infant seat in the bedroom. Much to my delight there was one available on craig’s list and yesterday we drove out to pick it up. It was a good price, it was in good shape, and I was very happy to try it out.
We’ve tried different things at night: we put the cosleeper mattress on an incline, we used a sleep positioner so she’d feel snug, I’ve swaddled her (she woke up pissed that she couldn’t move her arms), not swaddled her, used the bouncy seat… no dice. Now keep in mind that she sleeps great during the day, either when one of us are holding her or in her swing. But at night when I just really wanted to lay down and sleep, too, I’d nurse her to sleep then tenderly put her down… and she’d wake up 5 minutes later, flail around a little bit, and start crying. When sleeping she cycles frequently between a deep sleep (when she’s out cold and nothing can wake her) and a lighter, active sleep (when she’s squeaking, smiling, wiggling). What I have noticed is that if she’s asleep on one of us she’ll frequently open her eyes and glance around during her lighter sleep, then sigh and fall back asleep. But when she’s in her cosleeper or bouncer or wherever she just isn’t happy and can’t – or won’t – resettle once she hits one of those lighter sleep periods. Except in her swing; for whatever reason she’s happily slept for 3-hour stretches in her swing since day one…. it’s the one place we can put her down to sleep and go eat, shower, or just stop sweating. (It is horribly humid, when she’s laying on me I sweat like crazy, yuck!)
Thus the reason for buying the infant seat. We got it set up, I nursed her to sleep, I carefully put her down in the seat. She sighed, settled, and continued sleeping. I was excited! And then….. THHHBBTTTTTTT. She filled her diaper. I sighed and counted down… 3, 2, 1… Wah!. She woke up crying. So unfortunately I had to do it all over again: change, nurse, carefully put her down. There was some squirming in her sleep, some peeking around, so I flipped on the vibration feature. And she fell back asleep! Three times overnight she went down for sleep in her little chair, and three times she stayed asleep for a couple of hours before waking up to feed. I got actual sleep in bed! Ahhh! It was such a relief that she slept. Of course each time she’d start crying and I’d wake up I’d have this moment of panic wondering where the hell she was. I could hear her but she wasn’t nestled up against my belly, causing me to sit up and look around in a momentary panic. Of course she was in the infant seat right next to me (we put it in her cosleeper so she was literally right there).
She’s asleep on my lap right now, something that I really adore. She makes all kinds of squeaks and sighs as she sleeps – a little distracting at night (as I keep checking to make sure she’s still asleep), but during the day we frequently find ourselves just staring at her happily. I am trying to get pictures of her cute little faces.
We’re not getting a whole lot done, but we’re pretty happy with this life we have right now. We both wish Den could stay home from work permanently – it is so nice having him around. We watch a lot of movies and HGTV. I’m able to read a lot of stuff online, but writing is harder because I really hate typing with just one hand. My base of operations is my desk chair – it has arms on it, I put a pillow and then my boppy on my lap. Kate nestles on top against my chest, it’s just the right height for nursing. And the chair has wheels, so if needed I can slowly wheel myself across the room without disturbing her. My desk is in the living room so I’m able to watch TV, use my laptop, and eat (as long as someone brings me the food, lol) while my lap is occupied. It’s convenient, but my butt hurts sometimes, lol. Den has taken over the rocking recliner. He seems pretty comfy. He’s very good at soothing Kate and getting her to settle in his arms… he’s very handy to have around. ;)
Ahh, the swing! Angus is six months old and still has long naps in it! Use it as long as you can!
What adorable pictures! She is such a little sweetie. No wonder you want to just sit and look at her.
(((hugs)))
OMG, she is just so cute!
Don’t worry, we know you are posting more for yourself and memories than anything else, but we are all just so happy to share in your joy.
Even if you find a sleep solution, keep working getting her to sleep in her co-sleeper or where ever you would ultimately like her to sleep. Try just one nap a day when you are feeling up to it. It will help to transition her later. And you might not want to give up on the swaddle. My baby wasn’t too wild about it, but around a month it became a godsend. You never know what will or won’t work sometimes so it’s good to try old and new things.
She is a lovely baby!
That last picture made me laugh. :) She’s beautiful.
She’s a beauty Nat.
With my first baby, I used to wake up in the middle of the night in a complete panic wondering where the baby was. lol. Horrible feeling.
Tonight I am putting my baby girl to sleep in her crib in the nursery for the first time and I’m nauseous with anxiety (and a little sad!).
Enjoy!
God I love seeing new pictures of her. =D Lookit those faces!!!
Sounds like you are getting it figured out! Yay for that infant seat!
Daddies seem to be pretty awesome at getting babies to settle down. It probably helps that they don’t smell like food lol
Those pics are GREAT! She is SO expressive.
A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!
You don’t sound despondent – you sound like a Mommy of a newborn….it is HARD!!! And exhausting! Phew!
Every post you write brings it all back for me. One of the hardest, best, greatest, worst, most confusing, most wonderful, most terrifying, most amazing few months of my life. Looking back, I don’t particularly like the newborn stage…HAHA!
Take as many pictures as you possibly can!
She is a doll!
Both of ours would ONLY sleep swaddled in the swing or unswaddled on us for the first three months. This time I thought maybe I didn’t try hard enough with the co-sleeper…so tried harder to no avail.
So they both slept in the swing all night/ or on us and now my 5 year old sleeps fine in his bed and my 4.5 month old sleeps fine in his crib.
It’s the dreaded ‘4th trimester’ they talk about. Babies aren’t ready for the world yet.
So do whatever workds. I know some babies are crib sleepers from the start–but I didn’t get any of those. LOL
hang in there. 3 months, then things get really blissful!
She is so expressive. At least you know where you stand with Ms Kate! She’s b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!!
My five month old sleeps ONLY in his swing. I nurse him to sleep in our bed and then move him to his swing. It’s also the papasan (but it plugs in which has probably saved us a cool million in batteries!)and we love it. In fact we have one on the first floor and one on the third floor in our bedroom :)
With our first we weren’t as tuned in and I was just exhausted and clueless. You have it together better than I ever did.
Whith our second I was a little better (figured out the swing thing and breastfeeding was easier, too).
My point is that you are doing great, you will have ups and downs and you both are just learning about each other–which takes time.
Congrats again :)
One more thing, Nat–our five month old is the third baby and we still don’t have it perfect :)
Oh my goodness she is just so, so cute!
It sounds as if things are exactly as they should be (with you wheeling around holding her, having meals brought to you!), I hope to have that kind of set-up if/when we have another baby … (But how does one do this while also doing one’s best by an older sibling? Anyway, that’s another worry for another day!).
Keep the photos coming, I LOVE seeing babies’ changing faces, and all the cute expressions. My favourite here is the second from the top, so serene!
Oh I just remembered something … we brought A into our bed for a good while, and there were times when I would wake in the middle of the night in an absolute panic because I couldn’t find him in our bed … he was safe and sound in his crib, of course, while I was carefully cradling the blankets, convinced it was him I had in my arms! :)
Again,I agree with kate! lol
Its hard,we all know that and we all know what you are going through..we´ve all been there,and I am not alone when I say that I am sitting here nodding and thinking back on my own memories as I read your blog entries :)
We dont judge you Nat! We all love sharing this with you because we can relate :)
I had a baby book where I wrote down the first 5 weeks of Noelias life,and after that,I decided to stop because when I looked back at it,it all looked so bad!! lol
I just complained about being tired,Noelia nursing non stop,my boobs hurting,wanting to cry etc etc
Beleive me,I get you and what you´re going through lol.
Its funny,but now,when I read my own diary,I know it was hard,I was missing words and my spelling was all over the place due to being exsausted..and I know its a blur because I was a zombie back then lol,but I still smile and think back to those days fondly.
(although I dont want to do it again! lol).
Kate looks ADORABLE by the way! Those pictures are precious!! :) The last one made me laugh..I could just see her saying “Get out of my face with that thing momma!!” lol.
You have such a beautiful little girl..just wait until she starts smiling and cooing..Oh Nat,this just gets so much cuter!! <3
LOL! That last picture!! So funny! And the first one is positively adorable. My, does she change fast – the first pictures were so sweet, but now you can already see a personality develop, amazing.
Oh btw, did you get our package?
She’s so adorable!
Love the last pics. Arrrrgggggg, says pirate Kate!
i know exactly how you feel…and i’m typing with one hand…it’s alright to lay it all out. we know how grateful you really are. the lack of sleep is hard, but it will get easier…or so they say.
She is adorable!
I remember sweating like that. I think is it a combination of the time of year and those postpartum hormones.
I realized I responded about the monitor but I meant to tell you how beautiful your daughter is! So sorry! She’s so cute and pretty and I am so happy for you!!
have you read happiest baby on the block? you should… or go to youtube and look for some videos on it. i think they have a video of the system on their website also. i haven’t tried it myself but i’m pg with my 2nd and i’m DEFINITELY going to give it a try this time around. my first was a lot like Kate is, it’s exhausting.Good luck and it will get easier :)
So cute! And listening to you… I have been there, I remember those days. They don’t last forever, and it’s nothing you’re doing wrong. Don’t want to open a can of worms, but how do you feel about cosleeping? That is what worked for us. My son is 20 months now, and he spends most of the night on his own, joining us in the early morning. It took a lot of wakeful, stressful nights before we brought him into our bed, and I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s worked for us. Whatever you end up doing, good luck!
She’s adorable, Nat.
All I’m going to say is that I had the VERY SAME THOUGHTS when O was finally here. I called the moments of anxiety (really almost full-blown panic attacks) my day-mares. Sleep deprivation + post partum hormones + newborn really magnifies everything to the point where it’s like riding waves. For me, the first 6 weeks was a really rough ride.
But it WILL even out, I promise you that.
In the meantime, Kate is absolutely delicious. :)
xoxo
Oh my, those pics are precious!
There’s a LOT of the hard. It’s ok. I will say forever, it’s the hardest, most wonderful, most awful, most amazing thing I’ve ever done.
She’s adorable! My advice (not that you don’t have enough!!)– keep up the swaddle, once they get used to it, it really keeps them out. Also want to say I agree with whoever above commented on trying to get her to sleep at least once a day in the cosleeper– Carlie got so used to sleeping in bed next to me that transition to bassinet/crib was a bigger hassle than it needed to be. Lastly– sleep when she sleeps! My first 6 weeks would have gone a LOT smoother if I hadn’t tried to keep my normal day/night schedule when she was up random times in a 24 hour period. Get some blackout shades for the bedroom and when she goes down, YOU go down too!
Ooooooooooooooh, so adorable.
Congratulations Natalie :) I’m so sorry I didn’t get to take your birth photos! I really meant to do it, but once the baby was here, I’ve been so wrapped up in him finally being here, I just forgot everything around me. It’s just…so amazing. You know :)
Swaddling! Should you choose to do it…For V, we used gerber thermal blankets when he was really little. Not for the heat, but being they STRETCH! That’s the real trick to swaddling. Using something that has stretch so you can pull it super tight. (And when you think it’s just tight enough, go tighter). Then when he was a bit bigger, Aden and Anais muslin blankets. Also have stretch, really really good. When he got to 3 months or so, that’s when we could finally use those velcro getups. But now he’s getting too big for those, so back to the A&A. Swaddling and forcing V up to eat during the day SAVED us when it comes to sleep. But my fears still kept him in our room and in our bed half the time for the first 6 weeks, lol.
What a gorgeous little girl. I love the first and third photos especially! You’re going to have a tough time finding room for all the frames you’ll fill with her photos — you won’t be able to choose between her adorable expressions! Congratulations again.
Just catching up on a backlog of reading. She is absolutely gorgeous!! Congratulations!!