It’s not all shiny peaceful and calm. I have my moments. Such as the following:

Den walked into the bedroom tonight to find me sitting up in bed, hands on my belly.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m tired…” I stalled.
“You’re watching your belly.”
“Maybe. She hasn’t moved much the last couple of hours…”
“Natalie. How long ago did you take that video of her?”
“Ummm. Right before you got home.”
“Don’t you think she deserves to sleep sometimes?”
“…. Maybe…”

He kissed my forehead, patted my belly, and got in bed.

Of course 30 seconds later the little goober pushed her foot out and wiggled it around a bit, after which I was able to roll over and stop staring intently at my belly.

::

The last couple of days I’ve gotten a couple of little cervix twinges that felt like a poke. Today it’s been far more frequent and pronounced. I wouldn’t say painful, but they certainly make me twitch. It makes me wonder if she’s getting lower in my pelvis. Hopefully it’s just one more sign of progress.

The braxton-hicks contractions are a permanent fixture. They’re getting stronger, which is totally normal. Den’s used to me randomly making a face and shooting a dirty look in the direction of my belly, generally accompanied by pronounced waddling in the direction of the nearest bathroom. I keep thinking how it’s one thing to have contractions while in labor, when that is your purpose, your goal, your focus. It’s another entirely to deal with contractions while at work, at the store, at a social event. And everyone looks so damn panicked when you mutter the word “contraction.”

I have to say, it cracks me up when pregnant ladies talk about the “fake” contractions, the braxton-hicks. They thought they were having contractions, but their doctor says they’re not in labor so it was “just fake ones.” Contractions are contractions. They might feel a little different, but even braxton-hicks contractions can be working to soften and dilate the cervix – it’s just that you’re not in full-blown labor yet. Many books refer to them as “pre-labor,” which is a hell of a lot more accurate!

If I’m sitting still I actually have a warning sign when a contraction is about to start: Kate kicks me about 5 times, even if she’s been sleeping. Kick kick, punch wiggle, kick, contraction. Then a long stretch of nothing. Then another 4 kicks before I get another one. Obviously she’s feeling them before I do!

::

I’m really nesting in that way the books warn of in the ninth (tenth?) month: the need for privacy, for quiet, for seclusion at home. Home is very important to me right now. It’s not “clean,” exactly – I’ve been eying the dustbunnies under the fridge but so far have not dug up the energy to deal with them. Or the piles on my desk and the washer and the dining table. But there is something about sitting in my living room during the day, when the sun is filtering through the windows and lighting up the house, that just feels so damn peaceful.

I’m also feeling very protective of my space. I’m very protective of my personal space to start with. You might not really think it with how emotionally open I am with my writing online, but I’m highly introverted. I find people interaction to be in large part enjoyable, but highly draining. I have always had to limit my time around other people so that I can go back to my “den” and recharge my batteries. Plus I’ve always been… errr, well, “possessive” is a good word. If I could I would draw a large circle around my personal space and zap people who tried to step over when I’m not feeling in the mood (which is most of the time). Well it’s a lot more pronounced now. My patience is thin, and my energy is down. Add to that the introversion that comes at the end of a pregnancy when you get all focused on the baby and have little interest in anything else going on around you, and I’m pretty much a big lumbering mama nesting until the birth.