Up and Down
Sometimes my brain just goes on autopilot. Today’s movement from baby girl has been much quieter than yesterday and the past few days, so of course half of my brain is fretting. But then the other half is like, Dude, she’s kicking you RIGHT NOW. She’s fine. She’s just down lower. And suddenly I feel kind of foolish because, umm yeah, she’s definitely kicking, and she’s definitely kicking down low. So no belly dancing tonight, she’s too low for that. Disappointment, yes – I do love to watch how strong she’s getting. But, umm, she’s still very much alive in there.
I do have to say that she is normally only active when I am sitting or laying and relaxing. Which means that if I’m out and about, working late, at meetings, out to dinner or whatever, I usually don’t feel much from her. I know this is normal. And yet there is something in me that just starts to get really antsy and I have to go sit or lay down somewhere until feel a kick. At least now she is getting more consistent, and stronger so that I can feel her more often. A few weeks ago I used to just sit and wait, feeling snappish when people (even the hubby) interrupted me for whatever reason. I just wanted to sink into myself, motionless, until I got a little flutter as an answer back. Then I could get up and rejoin the world.
I am very thankful this is an active baby. Well, until she kicks my bladder. Then I am thankful… and wishing she had worse aim.
I’m doing the exact same thing. In fact, was woken up the other night with kicking, but then can go through a “quiet” day (read: I have a work out and wind up on my feet for most of the rest of it) and think, “well, that’s that, then.” And of course when I do feel kicking, I think “Aha, he’s alive — but is it a seizure?” So it’s not entirely comforting or reassuring. Hence my still out of body-ness towards this entire endeavor, which strangely is still working given what’s going on.
Hang on.
I wish I could take away that small worry that is understandably always lurking. Sounds like you are doing what you can, by reassuring yourself that she is fine.
Take care~ CeCe
sadly, I don’t think this worry will ever leave us. I know that with my next pregnancy I am going to be obsessing about the kicks and all that. It sucks and hard for others to understand. I wish we could all just sit back and never have to worry.
yay for more kicks though!
xxx
Jackie
thought of you and sweet baby Devin instantly on Grey’s Anatomy tonight… a baby with amniotic bands :(
I saw the episode too and thought of you right away. It was too hard to watch.
xxx
Jackie
It’s a good thing I don’t watch that show. I’m still a bit touchy about it, especially since most babies with amniotic bands don’t actually die from it. :/
Been thinking of you lately. I’m glad the little one is active. Revel in your kicks. I know exactly how good those feel.