Weighed Down
I know part of it is being among a bunch of women in their first trimester. But it’s more than that. There has been so much bad news lately. Some from people I just “met” online a couple of weeks ago, whom I know nothing about. In large due date clubs you unfortunately learn to expect miscarriages… it’s far too frequent. Now is the time that the “normal” pregnancies start having their first appointments, first check-ups…. and sadly some of them do not come home with good news.
But just as many have been with friends, people I’ve known since I lost Devin, since before I even conceived Devin. And those, those are rocking my world right now. Women who have already lost babies. I know loss is horrible no matter what, but fuck, how many times do some people need to go through it? Early labor, chromosomal defects, no heartbeat, blighted ovum…. shit, so many fucking things. I have sobbed for people I don’t even really talk to.
I am paranoid as hell today. I cling to good news like an anchor.
nat,
i’m 32 weeks and STILL feel that way. i always will i guess. the whole damn thing seems impossible really. how are babies ever born. alive. “normal”?
but they are and that’s what i cling to.
♥
I know, I feel the same exact way. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just stay away from the boards for awhile, because it is hard to watch/hear of people having heartache….I feel good about my pregnancy, until i read of someones troubles and then I too get paranoid. =( Hang in there.
Praying for you and the baby. You are so brave and strong even if you don’t feel like it today.
Nat…I felt that way the entire pregnancy with my daughter. It just wasn’t going to be a success until she was here alive and healthy. Unfortunately you’ll go through so many moments like this. It sucks…the joy and innocence of pregnancy is gone after a loss and in its place is fear. Try hard to focus on yourself and your baby and try not to let the fear overtake you. Easier said than done I know (been there for sure). Praying for you guys Natalie…
Natalie, I think that Kristine said it so well. I can’t add anything to it *HUGS*