So tonight was my first water fitness class. It was pretty much what I was expecting – though it was in the big (read: COLDER) pool, instead of the nice warm kiddies swim lessons pool.

First lesson: DO NOT SHOWER BEFORE CLASS. This is because a) no one else showers, even though it clearly states all swimmers must shower before entering, and b) the class started late and there was a class in the pool before me so I had to stand there all wet and shivering for 10 minutes. (And NO the pool did not feel warmer after freezing my ass off – it was still cold.)

Next thing I noticed, once I got in the water and started doing the warm-up exercise (jogging on the spot) and started noticing things more than “Aggh! Cold!”: my belly bounces! My first thought was, holy crap, it’s so big already the baby is bouncing! And then I sadly realized… no, Natalie, that’s not the baby, that’s your belly fat bouncing. How did I know? Because my ass was bouncing too. Ugh. Ugh. Very distracting.

So we had a nice hour of bouncing around, moving our limbs, and generally behaving like extremely uncoordinated idiots. I swear, I think my baby looks more graceful. But I actually warmed up, and starting feeling my arms and legs aching a little bit – just enough to know I was, you know, actually using them. Baby steps, people.

It was when I got out that I was all like, ugh, my belly aches too. I rubbed it a little and then was like, WTF, why is it all firm? What is wrong with me?? Until I realized…. holy shit those are my stomach muscles I am feeling. Wait, I still have some? Seriously? (I came home and told Denis this story and he said with a very straight face, “Who’d you buy them from?” Ahahaha. Ha.)

And thus was the first episode in Natalie hasn’t exercised in nearly a year, because she claims she doesn’t want to mess up an IVF cycle but in reality she’s just a really lazy shit who has some paranoia issues.

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Do I even mention how the morning went, when I discovered that I had the truck in the driveway (which I needed today) but couldn’t find the truck keys? And then realized I had left the truck keys IN THE CAR? Which was of course at my husband’s office with him all the way across town?

No. No, I think we’ll skip that one.