I am really hoping I sleep tonight. Last night sucked. Woke up at three, dry heaved, couldn’t get back to sleep because of the nausea. For hours. Ugh ugh and ugh. Of course I fell asleep no sooner than the alarm went off. But I got myself out of bed with the promise of an OB appointment this morning.

First she had to find my file. It’s an itty bitty new one. (I laugh in my head.) Sign paperwork, sit and wait. For 20 minutes. Finally I got called back by the nurse and led to… a conference room. No undressing for me today (and no peek at the bub, either). I was given that fun little gift/info package and we went over my medical history – family history, allergies/previous complications, any other physical ailments, all that good stuff. Then we start on the pregnancy history. “What number pregnancy is this?” she asked. “Do you count an ectopic?” I asked. “Yes, all pregnancies.” “Third.” First stillbirth at 36 weeks, then an ectopic, then this one. All IVF pregnancies. “Oh my,” she said. So then we went into Devin’s pregnancy and what autopsy said. Not in-depth, but the basic outline. I’m thinking (hoping!) that the doctor will pull my previous records and go over them. I also realized there’s a few more things I forgot to mention, like the placenta being small and the peri mentioning they’d want to watch out for that next time.

She brought up the flu shots, and I told her I did want to get them. I’ve already done my research and weeks of sitting on it, and decided I’d really rather reduce my risks of getting sick as much as possible. I then asked her if it was possible for me to get a mercury-free vaccine. I hate to be a bother, but I wanted to ask, you know? It’s important to me. Well much to my surprize she looked pleased as punch and said I’d done my homework and that in fact she decided to order only the preservative-free vaccines for all their OB patients. She showed me the packaging on the vaccine she gave me. I’m wicked happy about that – not just that I got what I wanted, but that they do it standard! I got my seasonal flu today, they don’t have the h1n1 in yet… but that’s fine with me because I wanted to space them out by a week or two.

I asked the quick questions I had.
* Colace for constipation: Yes, can do 2x/day, since 1 isn’t working too well, hopefully that plus more water plus fiber will do the trick.
* The heat pack that I’ve been carrying around everywhere with me: their advice to patience is to not use heat packs on the belly or lower back. But my feetsies is fine. (Yeah, I kind of knew this answer, but I wanted them to confirm.)
* Exercise and my spotting: She said exercise isn’t going to make me actually bleed more, given what my bleeding issue appears to be, but that it will probably make more come out at once and, given my mental state, cause me anxiety. So she recommended sticking to walking, water exercise, etc.
* Labor and delivery: She re-confirmed that the doctors and hospital will offer whatever they have, whatever the patient wants, but it’s totally up to the patient what she wants, they don’t push anything. If I want a natural birth, then that’s cool. My experience in labor with Devin supports that too, so I don’t have too many concerns about it this time around, I just wanted to double-check that the doctor wasn’t going to have an issue with it.
* Induction: I asked if the doctor would be willing to induce me once I’m full term and freaking out, if that’s what I wanted. Given my history, yes. The doctor would probably do an amnio to check lung maturity, but as long as it showed maturity then they wouldn’t have a problem with it. This is not to say that I have decided I’m going to induce, but I want to know it’s an option if I start having a major meltdown at full term.

(Funny observation: When I told her I was induced after discovering that Devin had passed away in utero she wrote that down, then moved to the next box in the sheet and wrote down “epi” and said, “With an epidural…” and I said, “Actually, no,” and she was very taken aback and had to scratch it out! lol I’m guessing stillbirth + induction does not usually end in any other way!)

We booked my first tri screening ultrasound for Nov 9, first thing in the morning. (I’m not exactly thrilled at having to get up that early on my day to sleep in, but on the other hand it’s good to have ultrasounds as soon after I get up as possible.) The nurse also told the receptionist 2-3 weeks for my next appointment with one of the nurse practitioners, I’m assuming for the exam and all that fun stuff. Well I got to work and pulled out the card so I could write it in my calendar and she booked me for Oct 28. That’s next week. I don’t think I’m going to correct them, it was their mistake and in my favor. Oh, and I asked her if she could do Monday or Tuesday, but no, only Wednesdays. I’m hoping that’s only for the first appointment, because I really can’t do all Wednesdays.

A good appointment, I guess, although I’m not sure how I feel about being a normal OB patient now. The nurse did tell me that because of my history they will do whatever they can to help me through it and if I need anything to just ask… but at the same time I’m now just a patient in my first trimester. Next appointment in a few weeks, ultrasound at 12 weeks, and off I go. It’s like I wanted to wander back inside and say, “But… but what do I do in between??”

I’m really trying to figure out how to get through the next three weeks until my ultrasound. I’m going to feel a lot better when the heartbeat can be heart by doppler so I can get quick check-ins without needing an ultrasound. But I have a few weeks to go.