Moodwings and Baby Clothes
[4w5d]
I apologise in advance. My whole moodiness thing is not getting better, and I have no idea what’s wrong with me (besides the obvious HORMONES). All day I just feel like I’m teetering on the edge of either bursting into tears or screaming. I keep rubbing my head and muttering, this is not you, but alas I am still an emotional whackadoodle. This did not happen when I was pregnant with Devin. Yes, I yelled at Den a lot in my third trimester, but that was because the house was a disaster and nothing was going to be finished in time. This time I am simply immediately and irrationally a crazy person.
I went to the mall today, which was an experience in and of itself. Being only 4 weeks pregnant, I have not yet moved past the stage where I glare at pregnant bellies as they saunter apologetically past. It takes me a few moments to realize that I too am pregnant – but even then I still have the jealousy thing going on, because they are obviously well into their second and third trimesters, and I’m only just barely pregnant with so much still to get through before I can exhale.
I went into Motherhood Maternity for the first time since I was largely pregnant with Devin. The jeans prices actually weren’t that bad, but alas the full belly panel definitely doesn’t work for me yet – not when I’m still trying not to broadcast to the world that I am pregnant. The big huge belly panel kind of gives it away. But I’ll be looking forward to going back later, when I actually have some form of belly.
I am happy to see that this year’s fashion in general is long shirts, so it appears that I probably won’t need to buy maternity tops, unless I so choose to. I was flipping through my belly pics with Devin and saw that I wore my non-maternity clothes right up and into the third trimester, and the only reason I had to stop was that they were too short. Stretchy, long sweaters should do me just fine.
And then I walked down to BabyGap. It was my intention all day to go in there, to finally get to buy something for myself again, to give in just this once. I walked in with a smile of contentment on my face, knowing what is inside me. But as I took steps further into the store my smile faded and the tears threatened at my eyes. This is not my first time shopping for baby clothes, hopeful and giddy and excited – I have been here before. I stood in this store once before, holding the tiny baby onesies in my hands and imagining how my baby would wear them one day. He never did. It was this odd overlay of present and past, where memories of the past jump up and color your vision, reminding you that they will always be there. And yet I was still happy. I bought something for this baby. I have hope once again. But still, I sniffled the whole way through and almost cried when I left, sitting on a bench in the mall. I should have expected it, but I didn’t. I don’t think of Devin like that very often, don’t have that grief sitting on my shoulders much anymore. But in that space, where past and present melded, it all just came flooding back. I have a feeling it is going to happen often in the next year.
Here is the first thing I bought for this baby. (Which Den has informed me the baby will NOT be wearing if it turns out to be a boy, as it has PINK on it!)
*snugs*
The outfit is adorable. :)
I just wanted to share that a few weeks ago when I was pregnant I found some awesome maternity jeans on clearance at Ross for $8! You might try looking there too. I ended up having a miscarriage so I took them back, since we are done trying. = (
Good luck, I can’t wait follow along on the journey!
I can go better than ‘a little bit of pink’. We have a t-shirt with a kitten and pink glittery stuff on it for our boy, and he most definitely WILL be wearing it! :) Though what the giver of this gift was thinking is a bit of a mystery to me …
I love the outfit, and I can’t wait to see a pic of your baby wearing it. Good luck!
Ok – not sure if you want to hear this or not – but I was a freaking emotional hormonal MESS with Evie. I went from normal to insanely pissed off in like 3 seconds flat. I totally blame it on the double dose of estrogen. So at this uber early date – I am calling girl!
You’re pregnant, you’re allowed to be emotional. Full stop!
The outfit is so cute. Who cares if it’s got pink on it. I’ve got clothes for Lauren with blue or fully in blue. So what!
Hmmm… I can buy the extra estrogen argument above- maybe it means a girl? :-)
What are your thoughts on gender, in terms of what you would prefer? Obviously I KNOW that you will be beyond thrilled with whatever is in there, but I’m just curious whether you really want another boy, or you’d like to have a girl? Or are you completely neutral? What about with Devin’s pregnancy? Before you found out he was a boy, were you hoping for one or the other?
That shirt is so cute – and I’d put it on a boy, too. If you have a boy, sneak it on when Den isn’t looking and take a picture, okay?
I totally understand your emotions around buying an outfit for the new baby. I was an emotional wreck on Austin’s birthday a week ago, and I wasn’t expecting that, either. But he and Sierra had the same due date (hers is this coming Sunday) and I just kept thinking about his birth and how we should be welcoming her into the world right now. It’s hard, very bittersweet – of course we are happy and grateful for what we have, but it can also be a powerful reminder of what we’ve lost. So, I get it, and if you have more moments like that during the pregnancy and need to vent, I’m here.
What a cute outfit:)
Can I ask you what names are you having in mind for your second baby?
Ha! Tell Den that he can try putting the top on one of the cats if he doesn’t want it on the baby. :)
Sorry you’re dealing with emotional craziness. That’s no fun for anyone to go through. I hope you find something to help you level out!
Awww, that outfit is adorable (and baby gap is my fav for clothes :) ) I’d sneak it on even if it is a boy…its so cute it will look good on either :)
I know its tough and you are dealing with alot of emotions. I went through it too so I know all too well how you are feeling. Just remember its normal and we are all here for you!
i love it! i actually bought something for our little one already too, i told myself i was going to wait unless i saw something really unique…here it is..got it while in cali visiting family
http://thepatacakebaby.com/item_122/Groovy-Guitars-Pacifier-Bib.htm