Transfer
Transfer today was very different from previous transfers. As Den said as we drove in, “After this many times, it seems very anti-climactic.” And then we got into an argument about twins vs. singleton, Den on one camp, me on the other, going back and forth about our different fears that drive our hopes and dreams. I, getting upset, finally said, “This isn’t really a good time for this!”
I got dressed in the gown, tucked into bed, and listened to my meditation music on the mp3 until I got wheeled in. It was that point in the OR that I realized… my underwear is still on. Of all the things to forget about when undressing for a vaginal procedure, underwear is a pretty big one. So I shuffled out of them and stuffed them behind my back. Whatever.
The embryologist came in to say that we’re transferring 2 8-celled embryos today. I asked her how the other two look, and I think she said one is an 8-cell and one is a 7-cell, both with some fragmentation. They give you a cute little patient report card after the cycle is over (and embryos are frozen or nto), but really want to get ahold of their full info sheet that she was checking on her clipboard. Screw the overview, give me the nitty gritty.
We used to watch the ultrasound screen as the embryos were transferred, tears welling up in our eyes, knowing that we were now well on our way. Now we’re very guarded. We watched quietly, Den silently fretting about the exact wording the RE used (was it “fairly good embryos” or “very good embryos”?), me with a very full bladder and aching ovaries, hoping they can get that catheter in nice and quick so I can go lay down and then later pee. Not saying that it wasn’t something special – every transfer we file away the memory in our head as something we may pull out later as a pivotal moment. But we may just drop it in the recycle bin. Right now we just don’t know, so we watch and we wait.
I asked Den if we have any names for these little embryos. He said, “Well until we actually know something’s sticking around, right now they’re just Tweedledee and Tweedledum.” Well I’m not too sure about that. Of course if one actually sticks around and gets me pregnant then there will be an official naming. But that’s a large if.
I know this is old hat by now (in a very bad, unpleasant way) but I find it exciting every time. Plus, you look adorable.
Waiting with you. Hang on, Tweedles, hang on.
Hello there, tweedles. One of you really ought to stick around – you’ve got some parents with great things to show you, waiting for you.
Love the picture. Hang in there.
What does the fragmentation mean?
Good Luck Nat.. lots of sticky vibes for you! I’ll be sending out good vibes until you get a wicked beta next week!
Fragmentation… is one of the measures they use to grade embryos. The more fragmentation, the lower the grade. I don’t really know much more than that.
You totally look adorable :-)
Twins are great so don’t fret them. By the time I got my first bfp which led to my twins I was thrilled we were having two since I could have easily HAD two by then after all we had been through.
I really hope this is it for you!
I’m really crossing everything for you and Den..just an FYI..both my embryos with Hannah’s IVF were fragmented…so those can work out too.
Twins are great for other people… not for me. Twins significantly increases your risk of loss, preterm labor, gestational diabetes, and low birth rate among other things. A singleton pregnancy is plenty risky enough for me, I’m already worried sick about having another dead baby. Anything I can do to reduce the risks is a good thing, and that includes avoiding multiples. Of course many twin pregnancies are healthy – but so are singleton pregnancies (moreso, even). I don’t have a very good track record of being on the good side of things.
Deb – My only worry about the fragmentation is that they won’t freeze them if there’s too much fragmentation. :/
I totally get the twin fear. I work in Labour & Delivery…and the thought of any more than one scares me. Raising twins, I could do, pregnant with twins, knowing all of the added risks..I feel the same way you do.
That being said…we are thinking of transferring 2 as well when the time comes(if hopefully we have at least 2 to transfer). I am glad everything has gone fairly smoothly, and hope then wait until your beta flies by!
I love the picture too and I’m also sending you sticky Tweedle vibes. Sorry that you find yourself here yet again, but best, best wishes for this cycle.
I am thinking of you and keeping all fingers and toes crossed! you look lovely by the way…
Get sticky Tweedles! Errr just one sticky Tweedle ;)
Nat, the loss rate for a twin pg is very low – not significantly higher than a singleton. So I would try your best to focus on that fact (if it is twins I mean) versus the risks. If it was triplets I would completely agree with your fear, but I do think the twin fear is more emotional (understandably given your history) than based on fact. Hang in there- I’ll be hoping one sticks around!
I am sending many, many positive thoughts!!!!!
wishing the very best for you! hope to get the news soon! I hear you about the twins.. I would love to have twins (both my brothers have twins, one set was by IVF, the other wasnt) but you’re right, it just makes things feel riskier than just one baby, which is risky enough given our histories. when you’re already on the losing end of slim odds, statistics and “probably’s” mean jack.
Doddlebug and Grasshopper
I felt similarly about twins, with my uterine anomoly and all. And about our last transfer, actually, too – since we went through so many damn embryos to get there. I felt the same sense of walking down a path over and over.
Hugs, fingers crossed, and the hopes – ALWAYS – that this is the cycle where it all works out in the best way possible. Sending good vibes into the universe for you.
xxx
Hoping and praying for you!!!
Thinking of you, sending you all the good stuff.
Good Luck Natalie! I am hoping they stick!
Tweedles is a good name. Makes me think of things that stick. Good luck!
Forgetting your underwear – that really made me laugh out loud. It’s great how you can still be funny. x