I made an appointment for a consult with an acupuncturist on Monday. I’m hoping it goes well and leaves me with a good feeling about this plan. I’m not quite sure how much it’s all going to cost, but we’ll figure it out somehow. I realize there’s no magic wand, that acupuncture isn’t going to magically solve everything… but at this point I just want to exhaust every option. If it might help somehow, I’ll do it.

::

I got my period Saturday evening and it was really not fun. It was horribly heavy from the start all through Sunday, to the point where I was wearing my overnight pads during the day, which I never do. I was also having bad cramps. I ended up going shopping for a little while on Sunday and there were several times I was shifting from foot to foot thinking, ow… ow… ow!

So overall the weekend was a big mess. Emotionally, physically… just a mess. I stayed in bed until something like 2pm on Sunday. I would wake up, feel miserable, and roll over and go back to sleep.

I feel messy. Not just disorganized, but disheveled. I don’t feel on top of anything and I feel like crying at the drop of a hat. Very self-defeatest, crawl-under-a-rock. I do not like feeling this way. I remember not too long ago that I was feeling in control, content… inside and out. I remember driving around with my moonroof open, feeling that life was good (or at least, mostly decent). And now this. It feels like a different lifetime.

I’m sure a large part of it is the weather – I hate the constant rain, the gloominess and foreboding of the dark clouds, the minimal sunlight. I feed off the sunlight; I am starving. I am just so frustrated that I am losing out on summer, my favorite time of year.

::

I bought some new bras. The ones from before I got pregnant with Devin just… aren’t working right. My boobs, they are just not the same size or shape as they once were, much to my disappointment – though some of that is caused by me losing weight. Either way, I needed some new bras.

Of course that store has changed considerably since I last was there, and nothing is where I remember it. I can’t find the brand I buy. Okay, whatever, I know the general shape I need, I’ll just try a little of this, a little of that… An hour later I was rather cranky. I found some “could work”s, but nothing that made me feel great, nothing that fit perfectly. I had tried on every size combo I could think of. Some barely covered my nipples, some were too tight under the armpits, some were too loose in the bust. I really was almost at the point of storming into Victoria’s Secret to get measured and buy one of their ridiculously expensive bras… but at least the goddamn thing would fit!!

As I was putting some of the bras away I was crouched in a corner, eyes scanning. Oh, that shape looks nice! Oh, and look, they have the size I’m looking for. Wonder what brand this is? Oh, yeah, it’s the one I’ve been buying for the past 3 years, the one I came in to buy in the first place but couldn’t find. I try it on… it fits perfectly. Same cup size as before, but one band size smaller… just like I expected.

Friggin’ waste of an hour.