I realized that this weekend I didn’t think about the weekend being my pregnancy days – I was too busy thinking about work and gardening and watching TV. It just didn’t cross my mind. I guess, seeing how it was my pregnancy days for only 2 weeks, it’s an easy habit to kick. I’ve had a lot of experience dealing with not-pregnant weekends, and so that is what I fall back into.

At work we have to be aware of the date, as we write it on forms and receipts all the time. Today I felt this little tickle in the back of my brain that it should mean something to me, did I forget something? I didn’t think so. Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo – which also means absolutely nothing to me. Tomorrow is the 7th. Nope, still nothing. Oh well.

It wasn’t until the very end of my day, when I overheard my coworker talking about her son being 6 months old. As a habit I thought about how old Devin would be. A year… and two month-ish.

Then I remembered. It’s the 6th. That’s why it meant something to me.. It means nothing and yet something.

But I didn’t think about it. It wasn’t hanging on my thoughts all day, I wasn’t remembering what the 6th brings, I wasn’t thinking about Devin at all other than the usual way he’s in the background of my thoughts. I don’t feel upset about that at all, just observant. Things are changing… time really is making it easier. The reminders aren’t stirring things up with as much vigor as they once did. I’m able to acknowledge, “Oh yeah, the 6th,” and move on.

::

Last night I forgot to take my nightly gaggle of medications, so I took them first thing this morning before work. And so, unsurprizingly, I have a little bit of pink spotting this evening. So predictable! My body is right in freaking tune with these damn pills, isn’t it. It’s like walking a razor’s edge. Light forbid I forget for a few hours!

The pills are NOT my friend anymore. I was on the pill for years before going off for TTC, and I don’t remember any problems with them. I never really had PMS or anything like that. Months on the pill, months off the pill… whatever. I had wicked bad cramps during AF, but that happened regardless.

Well holy hell I feel like it is running around inside my head. Headaches almost nightly (which, BTW, are not responding to ibuprofen). I’m cranky. My boobs ache. I am NOT impressed with this shit. It is way too uncomfortably similar to being pregnant for those first few weeks when your body is adjusting to it all.

But looking at my package of pills does make me smile – it’s a lovely visual reminder of the countdown (without me having to open up my spreadsheets and obsess, that is).