Looking through old photo albums I relive pieces of the past. This house, too, holds so many pieces of me. I walked around taking photos of the collages on the walls, the photos that have been hanging in the same spots since before I can remember. More have been added, some have been moved. But all of it feels so familiar, so comforting.

::

I looked through the albums from 2000 and 2001 – my last year of high school and the year after. Every photo I had a huge smile on my face, teeth showing. I flipped the pages thinking that anyone looking through these photos must have thought I was quite a happy teenager. They would have been very, very wrong.

::

My mom and I sorted through some old, left-behind things from a closet. Among my textbooks, piggybanks, and random objects she pulled out something she had stashed in there – a fishing lure, still in its original box, with a note from an aunt. My aunt had written that she had saved this lure for me for when I got married, and wondered if I knew the story behind it. My dad fishes a lot, so hooks and lures are not exactly rare objects around here, but my mom admitted she hadn’t a clue why my aunt had this one, or why it was a sentimental item.

Later I remembered to ask my dad about it. “Do you the story behind an old fishing lure that Auntie C had? She sent it to me.”
“Is it pink?”
“Yes, actually.”
Dad nodded, expecting that answer. “That’s what I gave out to everyone when you were born, instead of cigars. I figured a cigar coming from me would have just been silly. I gave out blue ones when Cory was born.”

::

I look at the baby pictures of me and wonder if someday my daughter will look like me. I wonder if I will ever have a daughter.

::

I ran across a photo of me in pigtails and smiled. I was born nearly bald and had very little hair for quite a long time, so me in pigtails was quite the accomplishment. I pulled it out and read the note on the back – my mom, ever the organizer, wrote notes on the back of every photo in all the old albums. It said, “Natalie: 2 1/2 years old. First time in pigtails – she finally looks like a girl!”

I burst into peals of hysterical laughter, then read it out loud to my mom, who covered her mouth with her hands and laughed too.

::

I look at all the places we went, all the things we did. My mom was often taking the photos, and my dad would be there at our sides or in the background, watching protectively. There are pictures of vacations, swim lessons, learning to ride bikes, baking, playing, and so many more things. I realize what wonderful parents I had and I am so, so grateful.

::

Even though I am here with my family now my heart seems to ache even more, knowing that I have to leave. I am desperately trying to soak it all up.

No matter where I am, this will always be home.