It is very weird to think about how we are currently living in a recession. You hear stories of how things once were and it just sounds so different than this. People are still buying groceries and going out on dates and having babies and most of the normal things people do. Especially here in western Mass – there are definite effects of the recession, but it’s not quite as obvious for us here as it is elsewhere in the country. But in someways you just think… I thought it would look or feel different. Instead it just feels like… life. Like during infertility or grief, a concept that before seemed so foreign and “different,” and suddenly one day you’re in the middle of it and you’re still staring at the same ceiling, laying in the same bed, wondering how on earth life could be the same and yet so very different.

It is hard to watch the new president – no, it’s hard to watch the comments and criticisms. I think some people expected Obama to come in and solve all the country’s problems, and I feel like that is just so unfair. I do wonder about a lot of his decisions – the bailouts and spending. Is it right? I don’t know, I’m no economist. But I know one thing for sure: it’s not going to magically fix everything. Nothing will. There is no magic reset button to reset all the damage that has already been done. Sometimes I think maybe this is just part of the economic life cycle… that there will be periodic crashes, just as there will be periods of great prosperity.

The one thing that really boggles my mind is wondering where does the money go?? I admit, I know very little about stock markets and economics. I am really struggling with this concept of disappearing money. Apparently right now no one has any. The companies aren’t making money, so they’re laying off people, who therefore don’t have money to spend, and they’re not making much so the government isn’t getting as much in taxes, so they are laying off government workers and teachers to try to cut their budgets to match their income… and so on and so forth. It’s a horribly frustrating cycle. And yet a couple of years ago everyone had money, no one was getting laid off. So where did it all go?? “Money” has become this etherial concept. Even though I work with money every single day, in my hands, constantly being balanced. Every penny is accounted for, in and out. So yes, this idea of disappearing money just boggles my mind.

I never could quite understand the concept of unemployment. I mean, I do in the macro sense: there aren’t enough jobs, so people are unemployed. I get that. But… see, here’s the thing…. not having enough jobs should be a GOOD thing. It should mean that we have to work less hard to get all the things we need. It means that we, as a society, have less work to do. To me that means we should have to work less, and have more time off, and have all the same things! But obviously that’s not how it works in this world. Somehow, even though us humans as a society have made everything easier to accomplish, we individually work harder than we used to, and let a huge percentage of our population have nothing. I just don’t get it. I guess I just figure we should share more. On one hand I totally understand wanting to be rewarded for hard work, and I understand that some people do abuse anything they are given. But on the other… I absolutely hate seeing multi-billionaires with more money than we could ever dream of while families go hungry. I just can’t comprehend that such a successful country fails on such a basic level as keeping its citizens clothed and fed.

We are lucky, Den works for the military and has a very secure job. Mine less so, but mine don’t really matter – other than the health insurance, if I lose that it’s a problem. So we’re kind of outsiders… we see what’s going on all around us, but our lives are probably not going to be too directly affected. I guess it’s one break we’ve been given in this shitty time.

In some ways I feel a little strange trying to have a baby when things are so rough in the world right now. But I know we will never be able to promise our children a perfect life without struggles and hardships. I know, better than most, that life is simply what you get, and that you have to make the most of it. But still, it feels odd. Will my child someday say, “I was born in the midst of the worst recession in decades”? Will it even matter?