A rest, but not really
I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been so damn tired. I ended up taking a nearly 4 hour nap with the kitties today. It just feels so very comforting to fall asleep next to your hubby, two kitties, and two dogs (though the dogs were kind of confused about why were falling asleep and couldn’t we pay attention to them now?). I said to Den, “Our house is never short on love.” And it’s true.
I am continuing the FET protocol – I just got the full instructions in the mail. I put on 2 patches tomorrow instead of the one I’ve been doing. Ooooo. 2 patches! Not sure I can handle this. Ahaha. I love FETs. It’s a damn vacation, is what it is.
But then Den asked me today out of the blue, “So… is it possible that they go to un-freeze the embryos and we walk in there and they say they didn’t make it?” Not sugarcoating anything I just said “Yep.” We sat in silence for a minute and then he pointed out, “We can never relax during any of this, ever, can we.” No… no we can’t. That is so sad. But I like to try to not worry about things like that.
2 weeks to transfer. In a normal cycle I’d be starting stims now. Instead I think I’m just going to go back to sleep.
When I finished reading your post, my first thought was “After losing a baby so close to/at full term I don’t blame them for feeling that way!” But then I got to thinking… really, life is that way all around. None of us should ever relax (i.e. forget that life is precious and precarious) and should take full advantage of letting everyone around us know what they mean to us.
But back to your specific meaning… I’m so sorry that y’all have to feel this way. The only response I can come up with (and it doesn’t even come close to a good one) is that when your childREN (!!!!!) are born, they will know how very much their mommy, daddy and big brother love them if for no other reason than finding out all you went through to have them.
We are keeping y’all in our thought and sending only the MOST positive ones your way!!!
Wishing you rest, wishing you peace, wishing you energy and hope.
Fingers crossed for some amazing days to come.
{{hugs}}
(there is much contentment in napping with warm, fuzzy kitties isn’t there? :0)
It totally sucks that you can’t ever just relax during any of this *hug*
Maybe the alternative view is that you may as well relax because so little of it is within your control.
The same is true for all of us really – change what we can and live with the rest…
Good luck that the things you can’t control actually fall the right way for you this time!!