Game Over
The “spotting” was not implantation bleeding… it was, apparently, AF. Mid-day I noticed I was still spotting, and by the end of my work day I was bleeding more heavily. It’s not a full period… yet. But it’s almost there. Enough blood. Some small clots. I tried holding it together for the last hour of work, but there were some tears in the bathroom and back room.
I just don’t understand. How/why would I get my period while still on the prometrium and estrogen? I didn’t miss any thing, that I know of. I’m just at a loss for words. I was not at all concerned with some spotting – maybe even a little hopeful. But this? I am at a loss.
My heart hurts so much, I am lost in this. All of this… the cycle’s end, Devin’s birthday, the continued grief and loss and this huge empty hole. How much is one person expected to survive?
Natalie I have no words. I wish I could comfort you.
Fuck you Universe!
Oh Natalie, I’m so sorry. For it all.
I am so sorry. I wish there were more to say :(
I am so sorry Natalie, I wish I had answers for you. It isnt fair that we must grieve for our children and deal with continued loss. I am so sorry, I wish I could comfort you.
Oh I got goosebumps reading your post. I’m so sorry Nat. I have no wisdom for you. But I am so so sorry.
I’m so sorry. I don’t understand either. I’m thinking of you and sending you {{hugs}}
I’m so incredibly sorry. I wish there was more I could say. It isn’t fair.
Nat, I’m so, so, so sorry. I want to make it all better for you.
Natalie, I’ve been following your story for some time now. I am so so sorry. You have endured so much with such grace, you deserve a happier ending than this.
Well fuck. I’ve got nothing. This makes me feel like crying.
I am so, so sorry. No doubt, you have been given more than your fair share of heartache. I just have to believe that there is an equal or greater amount of joy out there for you as well.
ugh. this effing sucks. damn. i’m soooo pissed.
Aching with sadness for you and the unfairness of it all on top of the fucking shitty timing. So dreadfully sorry. You are such a fighter though, that shines through in your words. Please don’t ever give up. So many lovely women here to prop you up.
I am so sorry for everything. It just doesn’t seem fair.
I”M SO SORRY! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!! UGH! This is so unfair I could scream!! Argh!! How is Den holding up? Thinking of you!
H
U
G
S!!!!!
*Hugs* me too. I am so sorry. Sucks big time.
I’m sorry Nat. I truly am.
I am so sorry…I’ve been following your story for for over a year now and life has been so unfair for you and Den. Gosh, there are just no words, I am just truly truly sorry for you. *HUGS*
I am so sorry. :(
Nat, my heart hurts with your words. You really convey your pain so truly and honestly and I really, really hurt for you. It is beyond unfair. There are no words. You and Den and your little angel Devin will continue to be in my thoughts. I still firmly believe that you made great strides in this cycle and it’s a matter now of just playing the odds. You finally had a “normal” cycle and you just fell on the bad side of the stats. You have 2 more chances coming up with your blasts and I am so sure you’ll hit the right side of the odds with one of those too! Maybe an FET is really best for you anyway, to help control the OHSS symptoms. I think that OHSS can hinder implantation (not sure) so hopefully getting that variable out of the way will be the trick for you, now that you know how to make beautiful embies!
I’m so, so sorry.
((HUGS))
I wish there was something more to say than I’m sorry, but I really am so very sorry.
I’m so sorry.
As someone else said:
Fuck you, universe.
I am so sorry. I am thinking of you and Den.
I like Michelle’s answer so ditto to her. So much love to you, sweetheart. :hug:
Our shooting star did what stars do- shine for a minute and then burn away. There is still hope. Not this cycle and not for Devin’s birthday but there is still hope.
Okay truthfully…..I am pissed at a world that would keep this pregnancy from you. All the stuff above is true but I am so freaking pissed! I want to punch something and I am not a violent person. and sad. So so sad, Natalie. and how I wish that our thoughts and prayers could make this all go away, could make the spotting stop and the testing come out positive. Damn it!
Crap. I am so sorry, Natalie. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, but never left a comment. I just knew this was going to be it for you. My heart is breaking for you right now! I know there are no words that can make the pain any easier. I will be praying for your strength through the rest of this very difficult week.
Natalie, I’m so sorry sweetie. I’ve been on your blog about 9 times today looking for good news, being excited for you.. and now I’m crying for you. I have absolutely no idea why this keeps happening to you, it just isn’t fair!
HUGS sweetie.
There is nothing – absolutely nothing – to be said that makes any of this okay or even slightly better. I wish there was something other than “I’m so sorry.”
{{hugs}} Natalie
I don’t think I have ever left a comment – but I have followed you via JM for some time now.
I feel for you. I wish I had words to comfort you… please take care.
No. Nonono. This is not supposed to be how it went. I’m so sorry.
This is not what was supposed to happen damnit … bah. Thinking of you both :(
I’m so sorry :(
I am so pissed off and so sad for you. It makes me question so much of what I thought I knew when this isn’t working for you.
God, I’m sorry, Natalie.
I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what else to say *hugs*
When does it end? Fuck off, universe.
Hugs for you, Natalie. I’m so sorry. I wish I could do more.
I’m so, so sorry. This is all so unfair. I am thinking of you today and tomorrow.
Once again… no words of comfort. I’m sorry mate. Wishing things were different. That this new normal wasn’t so fu*ked up.
I am sorry.
Hugs,
Rebel
I’m so, so sorry. You’re surrounded by much love. I wish that could fix it. (LFCA)
*hugs* I am so sorry it didn’t work out for you. Thoughts for you.
Sorry for both negatives today! Sending hugs your way, its all we can do, right :(
x
Here from LFCA…
SO sorry. Sounds almost pithy at this point. To go through everything you’ve gone through and then to have it land so close to Devon’s anniversary. I’m crying for you. It’s just so mean and undeserved and unfair. Words fail. I’m just so sorry.
fuck. just fuck. i am so sorry.